I wonder if you would feel resentful over this?

[Muchmunching]

A friend of mine had a tough few days as her Aunt passed and this really affected her. Her Aunt passed on Saturday and on Sunday she was dreading work but didn't feel she could take a couple of days off as losing money would cause her hardship. She is a self employed cleaner.

After spending much time with her over the weekend and her saying she really didn't feel up to it. I offered to cover her pay for the 2 days to give her some extra time to gather her thoughts etc.

Many options were discussed and she really didn't feel working was the option she wanted. She was adamant.
I transferred her the money so she wasn't at a loss financially.

I have since discovered she made the decision to work. When I asked her about this, she said after some thought, she felt she wanted to go in.

I won't be asking her to return the money and she hasn't offered but I do feel a bit resentful.
I'm not wrong to feel this way as it is how I feel but wondered if others would feel the same?

Er yes. Of course I'd feel resentful! What a sneaky thing to do. Surely she WILL return the money though? Maybe she hasn't got her thoughts together yet and will mention it soon?

CF time. Phaps leave it a week or so and then gently ask her for the money, say you didn't want to add to her stress but given she went to work could she please refund xx to your bank account as the money was meant to cover loss of earnings. It may be she has her mind full.

I’d ask for the money back. Even CFs, users, scammers and manipulators go through loss - it’s not an excuse to take your money. I think it was silly of you to pay for her though, it’s not your job or your place and was always likely to muddy the waters. This kind of behaviour would honestly make me question whether her aunt had even died (and, if she did, whether she was as upset as she made out of just pretending).

That was a really kind thing for you to do, and she has definitely took advantage. I would give some leeway that she’s not in her right state of mind, but if she didn’t address it soon then it would definitely affect how I thought of her.

Yeah she needs to give you your money back! You were insanely generous and she wholly took advantage.

Thank you to those who have commented. I think I will give it a few days and see if she says anything.

So she didn’t even tell you she worked?! How did you find out?

Give it a few days so she has the chance to check her bank balance and notice / remember your transfer. Don’t leave it too long though or she may spend your money on the funeral.

Just reply and say glad you felt OK to work, hope you're ok. Do you need my bank details for the duplicate cash or do you already have them xx

She might think she’s quids in, but she is morally bankrupt.

Sounds like she's taken you to the cleaners.

I hope you get your money back.

Very cheeky. I hope she offers it back to you

Did she acknowledge receiving the money in her account?

Wow.. CF at it's finest.

It is. Just wow.

That's awful. I'd be so hurt at this.

I agree with PP, regardless of the bereavement, you need to ask for it back.

You're really kind for making this offer OP.

I would absolutely feel resentful. You gave her that money so that she could have a couple of days to grieve without worrying about loss of earnings. She is taking the piss not to have offered it back, tbh.

You gave her the money so she wouldn’t work.

She suddenly found the motivation to work.

Now you get your money back.

Of course she should return the money!

Op, just ask for the money back.
You gave her the money because you were under the impression that she wasn’t going to work. Well she went to work and so you should get your money back.
No ifs or buts about it

This

Yes, don't leave it a few days, the money will sink deeper into her psyche.

Ask for it now I say.

I have an update.
It is obviously playing on her mind since our last discussion. She has messaged me to say that she feels really thankful for all the help I have given, emotional support as well as the money.

Part of her message in relation to the money is copy and pasted here...

"I will use the money from you to get a wreath or some flowers. I promise you it will be spent properly. It would have made it wors not to be able to get somethin and not pay my bills. It really helps to now I can do both and I will always be thankfull to you for the help to do this."

To answer a PP that asked how I found out. Mutual friend's parent is a client of hers and it came out in conversation as we were chatting about how we could emotionally support her. It isn't just that client she did either before somebody asks as she has by her own admission stated each one of them were supportive and how that helped keep her focussed until she got home etc etc

I haven't replied yet. I think she should be framing that as a request to use the money for that rather than just tell me.

How should I reply?
Ahh I hate this. I care about her so much and don't want to hurt her but I am also struggling to reason her actions.

No good deed goes unpunished. I take full responsibility.

Take responsibility for what?? Being super lovely??

Ultimately it’s up to you how you handle this, but I’d still want that back. You didn’t give it to her to buy a wreath, you have it to her as support to not work.

How is your financial situation OP?

Honestly, people grieve differently and when you’re in it, it is an unpredictable roller coaster. You can think, oh I can’t handle work and but then that morning be like fuck I can’t handle sitting here thinking these thoughts I need work for the distraction.

I think you did a lovely thing sending her two days pay though. I’d reply back with a firm response

“I gave you the money for you to have two days off for bereavement. The fact you haven’t taken them yet, on the days we discussed is no problem. You can’t schedule grieving…it happens when it happens. Perhaps you would want to use one day for the funeral itself, and one for when things do get too much. But it’s a gift from me to you, for you. Not for a wreath or other spend for your Aunt. This money is for you to have time and space to grieve, whenever you are ready. So please save that money for a couple days off. All my best xx”