To avoid this woman based on 1 incident years ago?

[YetMoreNewBeginnings]

I can sometimes be quite tunnel vision-ed, and I can't really discuss this with RL friends so I'm after opinions.

My youngest DD is disabled. Five years ago she had a horrible fall in a supermarket disabled loo. Her condition was deteriorating, but we didn't quite know what we were dealing with yet. I popped her on the loo as normal and as I turned to get wipes she had a seizure and fell forward. She cracked her head on the floor, lots of blood, and broke her arm. The seizure went on to be the longest she'd ever had at that point.

My 7yo DS was standing outside waiting so I opened the door and sent him to customer service to alert them to the fact I was calling an ambulance (due to the seizure going on and on). A lovely member of staff came with a first aid box and blanket and we were focussed on DD.

While we were waiting a woman came along with her DS and asked if we were going to be long. She wanted to use the loo as her DS needed, he didn't like going into the ladies with her as he was too old, but she didn't want him in the gents. He was 7/8 looking. The staff told her we were waiting on an ambulance and she went away.

In the twenty minutes or so we waited on the ambulance she came back three times. Her DS clearly bursting more and more. The last time she came she actually tutted and said "Oh, you're still hogging the toilet". My DD was in the midst of another seizure so I snapped and said "Either take him into the ladies or let him into the gents ffs. We're waiting on an ambulance and we'll be here until they get here." She called me rude, the staff member asked her to walk away and tbh I never really thought anymore about her until recently. She made a scary event so much more stressful.

I take my DS to an event once a month, it's our time together away from the stresses of him living with his sister. It's purely our thing. He's been quite friendly with another boy there, who came with his Dad, but it's never been suggested that they meet up away from the event. At the weekend the boy came with his Mum. It's the woman from the supermarket.

She suggested that the boys could get together at other times since they get on well and that maybe we could have coffee - she clearly doesn't have any recognition of me (which is understandable). DS is absolutely non-plussed by the suggestion. At his age he does a lot of his organising on his own with his friends. I have absolutely zero inclination to have anything more to do with this woman - at best she was having a bad day and behaved like a dick. At worst she has zero empathy.

AIBU to discourage any suggestion of this friendship pf DS's being anything more than it is purely because of the woman?

Your distaste for your MIL shines through, wonder what she says about you!

Yes, she was being insensitive as I've said. I'm assuming maybe it didn't look as bad from where she was standing. It happened 5 years ago.

I'm not sure how you can defend the indefensible,I have a disabled child who.wore nappies un till he was 9 or 10and we used disabled toilets regularly to change him ,however if I had seen another mother with a fitting child in a pool.of blood I would have realised immediately my child's needs at that particular time were not as great as the Ops

Nice backtracking. There is no way “I’m waiting for an ambulance” can ever not look bad nor a child fucking fitting

@SidTwaddell good point

Not only that, she was asking the mum of a disabled child who was perfectly entitled to use a disabled loo, to move aside for one who clearly wasn’t.

She was looking at a clearly disabled child fitting and in a pool of blood. And asking the mother to move her child, who was perfectly entitled to use the disabled facilities, to make way for her own able bodied child to use them disabled because he didn’t want to use either of the two perfectly acceptable alternatives. And you still think it didn’t look as bad from where she was standing ?

Can you keep her at arms length? Be distant?

Internally I'd be yelling Fuck Off but for the sake of your son I would squash it for as long as I can.....

Nope I wouldn’t water that friendship!

A bad day?
Hey, your kid there on the floor in a pool of blood, fitting, they're in my way.

How bad could you day POSSIBLY be to basically say this, several times, and then accuse the mother of HOGGING the disabled loo for her able bodied child.

Hey can you move your disabled, fitting, reading child who's clearly very poorly cos my able bodied son won't pee in the ladies. Perhaps he can just step over her is she lies still

Then back another two times to gawp

And then ooh your hogging the disabled toilet my able bodied child is choosing to use, how selfish, your kids just bleeding on the floor, they're not even using the loo!!

Now that I think about it, I may be so inclined to tell every mom involved with the team the story so that they all know what a self involved cow she is. I know you are better than that but I am feeling fury on your behalf! 🤣

Really? Calling someone a “raging self-centred arsehole” makes it clear I dislike her? I was clearly trying so hard to cover that up 🙄Yes, she says a lot about me. But, funnily enough, none of her children are in contact with her and nor are any of her siblings or either of he ex husbands whilst they all talk to me so I’m happy to assume that she’s the problem and not, quite literally, every single other person she has contact with.

No, I'm not excusing the woman's behaviour at the time, but it doesnt necessarily define her, I just can't get over holding the grudge for 5 years. It was a minescule snapshot in time, maybe this woman is awful but personally I'd give them a second chance given the boys are friends.

I would say it does define a person ,if they can be that awful when seeing a child fitting and covered in blood then they are not just having a bad day
that's who they are
Im.not a person who carries a grudge generally but I do have a disabled child and im.very protective of him I wouldn't be able to forgive this person either .

Helen your lack of empathy is galling. I surmise from your cold posts that you’ve never experienced a distressing situation with your own child (if you have any). I lost my first child in 2009. The faces, acts and words of those who helped and who did not at the time will forever be burned on my brain.
I’ve also witnessed my sister fitting. That was many years ago, but I recall the feeling of being terrified and helpless.

Wow, some idiots posting on here. The rude woman could have been having one of the worst days of her life? It was the the OP with the disabled child having an awful traumatic day she will never forget.

Believe me, this woman will have no recollection of the incident or have a clue who the OP is, self absorbed arseholes don't tend to reflect on or question their behaviour.

You get a more accurate picture of who someone is by looking at their actions than their words. In this case it would take some extremely impressive words for me to look past behaviour as bad as this. I'm not sure what would be gained by talking to her about this incident.

You're making assumptions again .

Correct. Did you miss that I used the word “surmise”. In the absence of any other information apart from your responses, I did indeed assume you hadn’t experienced anything on this scale, hence, your lack of empathy. I have terrible days, but have the capacity to judge when someone else’s is MUCH worse. I think you are here to wind up OP.

I've a feeling she may not have realised how serious the situation was. Its not like she caused the situation, she just reacted badly. And no, I wouldn't have reacted like that before you ask. I've looked after children that are angsty about toileting, it can be quite all consuming in the moment. As I've said, personally I'd not hold it against her.

God I couldn’t resist telling her no I don’t want a coffee with you actually because I remember you acting horribly in a previous encounter, and describing it to her