To avoid this woman based on 1 incident years ago?

[YetMoreNewBeginnings]

I can sometimes be quite tunnel vision-ed, and I can't really discuss this with RL friends so I'm after opinions.

My youngest DD is disabled. Five years ago she had a horrible fall in a supermarket disabled loo. Her condition was deteriorating, but we didn't quite know what we were dealing with yet. I popped her on the loo as normal and as I turned to get wipes she had a seizure and fell forward. She cracked her head on the floor, lots of blood, and broke her arm. The seizure went on to be the longest she'd ever had at that point.

My 7yo DS was standing outside waiting so I opened the door and sent him to customer service to alert them to the fact I was calling an ambulance (due to the seizure going on and on). A lovely member of staff came with a first aid box and blanket and we were focussed on DD.

While we were waiting a woman came along with her DS and asked if we were going to be long. She wanted to use the loo as her DS needed, he didn't like going into the ladies with her as he was too old, but she didn't want him in the gents. He was 7/8 looking. The staff told her we were waiting on an ambulance and she went away.

In the twenty minutes or so we waited on the ambulance she came back three times. Her DS clearly bursting more and more. The last time she came she actually tutted and said "Oh, you're still hogging the toilet". My DD was in the midst of another seizure so I snapped and said "Either take him into the ladies or let him into the gents ffs. We're waiting on an ambulance and we'll be here until they get here." She called me rude, the staff member asked her to walk away and tbh I never really thought anymore about her until recently. She made a scary event so much more stressful.

I take my DS to an event once a month, it's our time together away from the stresses of him living with his sister. It's purely our thing. He's been quite friendly with another boy there, who came with his Dad, but it's never been suggested that they meet up away from the event. At the weekend the boy came with his Mum. It's the woman from the supermarket.

She suggested that the boys could get together at other times since they get on well and that maybe we could have coffee - she clearly doesn't have any recognition of me (which is understandable). DS is absolutely non-plussed by the suggestion. At his age he does a lot of his organising on his own with his friends. I have absolutely zero inclination to have anything more to do with this woman - at best she was having a bad day and behaved like a dick. At worst she has zero empathy.

AIBU to discourage any suggestion of this friendship pf DS's being anything more than it is purely because of the woman?

What an awful woman.
Unbelievable behaviour.
Is your son's friend the boy that needed the loo that day ?

Sorry ‘I’d feel the same’

Yeah, however bad a day she was having, the OP's was almost certainly considerably worse.

Screw her! What a moron!

She sounds like a massive dick. I don't blame you

Yeah I agree. I'm trying really hard to come up with a scenario where this would be somehow understandable. The fact that there were two alternative toilets if she REALLY needed her son to go tells me there's not. there were literally two alternatives to trying to kick out a clearly unwell child and her clearly distressed family.

I read this in her voice too, all low and no hysterics. Fantastic!

Op I would just forget about the offer for coffee for now, maybe saying your ds is of an age where he likes to organise his own meet ups with friends. If she does push it, which it feels from the original interaction in the supermarket with her like she could, then I would explain very clearly why this won't be happening. Maybe channeling your inner CC as I've quoted above from batshitbanshee 😉
I'm assuming your ds has no idea who she and her ds are?

Fucking hell. I drew breath reading that - gobsmacked. I’m sorry you experienced that - I hope it doesn’t deter you from continuing to show what a kind soul you are.

I wouldn't bother with her. She sounds awful.

How is your daughter and her health/seizures now?

I would actively discourage a friendship between your DS and the womans child.

No way would I want her near me after her attitude to you when you were waiting for an ambulance for your DD.

Just try to avoid her.

She won't remember the incident if you bring it up. It meant nothing to her - she's a freak.

I would bring it up and clear the air. If she was just having a bad day and was stressed, then she’ll probably recognise how unreasonable she was being and you’ll at least have an acknowledgement of that, if not an apology. If she wasn’t and she’s just a complete knob at least you’ll get the opportunity to tell her that taking a perfectly able bodied child into a disabled loo because they don’t want to use the gents alone and don’t want to go into the ladies’ with mum, isn’t on, and that her reaction to the awful predicament you were in at the time was appalling. Either way you’ve cleared the air and you can make a decision on how to go forward, based on that.

YANBU to avoid her and the coffee. Her behaviour was unforgivable. But I think it's a shame to discourage your DS' friendship based on the mum. As you say, usually your DS manages his own friendships. I appreciate this 'event' is your time with him. But I don't understand why that means your DH couldn't drop him off to meet this friend if the boys want to continue the friendship outwith the activity.

Fuck that putting yourself in her shoes or she was having a bad day, she’s just a selfish cow. Even if I had a disabled child in a wheelchair who needed a stoma changing, if I saw some child on the floor of the disabled toilet fitting and covered in blood like fuck would I ask the mum to move them! I would ask the staff if they could empty out the female toilets or help me with another room or toilet or just drive home if time allowed.

Some people are just horrific. I knew someone who had someone complain about being moved from their seat in an airplane so someone could do CPR. People are just evil.

If it comes to it, I would absolutely let the other mums know and they can blank her if she so wishes.

Sorry for all you are going through with your daughter, you sound like a fantastic mum.

OP has said it would likely lead to lift sharing and interaction which she wouldn’t be able to avoid without explaining why.

There’s also the entitlement aspect of it. Not really on to use the disabled loo for an able bodied child just because he doesn’t want to use either of the two alternatives available. I’m a wheelchair user and there’s one disabled loo in our local shopping area toilets. Couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve waited in a queue for the disabled toilet, and mothers with children have been in there - on a couple of occasions it’s also been used as a baby changing facility. Wheelchair users can’t use a normal size stall so it’s really inconsiderate to take up the disabled loo if you don’t need to.

I admire you for being so open minded and lovely where your son is involved. I would have probably said "listen you cow...you don't remember me but I am the woman who you tried to shame in the loo while my daughter was HAVING A SEIZURE!". My reaction would be completely inappropriate but I'm afraid I would not care. LOL

Even if this woman was having a bad day, I'm pretty sure op, her dd and ds were having a far worse one. This woman's pestering was completely unreasonable and she should be embarrassed. It wouldn't surprise me if she does recognise you op

She sounds awful. I doubt that it was an isolated incident, she’s probably a nightmare parent to have to deal with.

Yabu. It was one minor incident of impatience 5 years ago. And you swore at her. Seems ridiculous to hold a fridge like that.

Ditto - I'm otherwise lost for words. I'm so, so sorry your kindness was not repaid to you.

Minor impatience? She came back three times and asked a mum and staff to move a fitting child with a visibly broken arm and blood from a toilet floor? And was moved on my staff?
wow

It doesn't sound like having her in your life would make it any better. I'd let your child negotiate his own social life without your involvement. That said she sounds like she could be a bit of an over involved/overprotective type which might make it all fizzle out anyway.

Minor impatience,?The Ops child was "fitting " on the toilet floor in a pool of blood and this women is harassing her to.use the toilet ,that is way beyond a minor impatience !

I wouldn’t no and I would tell the mother why