To not want other people using our caravan?

[Serialcatmum]

Ok, by other people I mean my sister in law.

We recently purchased a caravan, we were going to go for a smaller one but decided to treat ourselves to a bigger one to give us more space. When I told SIL she said “oh I had my fingers crossed you’d go for the bigger one as then we can maybe use it some weekends too?!” It was sort of a question, sort of a statement. I laughed and said “oh we’ve not even planned our first trip yet”. She just said “ha ha. I don’t mean next weekend, I mean in the summer”. I laughed and changed the topic.

Since then DBIL has messaged my DH saying that SIL mentioned we might we able to borrow the caravan sometime.. (DH didn’t reply)

They don’t even have a towing vehicle. So are they planning on taking our car too?! Or are we expected to drive to their holiday place of choice and set up / collect for them?!

ANBH - they should get their own caravan and stop being cheeky fs.

ABU- they are family, of course you should let them take your caravan (and car) for a jolly.

'Sorry, we've thought it through and we've decided we won't be lending it to anyone, the costs of repairing damage are high, the risks of damage are high, and the insurance implications are a pain in the back side, plus we wouldn't want any bad feeling about dates or damage issues etc.'

If they are then nice and polite about being told no, great. (I mean still don't lend it to them!)

If they are arseholes about it:

"Look how unpleasant you are being about being told no. Now imagine how unpleasant things would be if you totalled our caravan on the motorway or damaged the interior whilst away with it... point proven. No.'

You laughed and changed the topic.
DH Just didn't answer .

Neither of you said NO. Just do it ! Say no, that doesn't work for me, sorry. Keep saying it.

We had this, DB/ SIL thought we could drive it to the other end of the country, set it up for them and then go back a week later to collect. Umm..no..

We had a caravan when I was a child and my aunt, uncle and cousins used it. We’d tow it to the site, use it for two weeks, then they’d come down, we’d spend a lovely day together, they’d have it for two weeks and either tow it back to us or we’d go and collect it. It was fine. Never got damaged and they got a holiday they wouldn’t have had.

If it was mine, I'd happily let close family members use it so long as my holidays in it took priority. But you're not me and you don't want to share which is your decision so just be clear with them.

If one of my siblings/ SIL got a caravan I might ask if I could use it and would let them if they asked in the reverse situation.

I don't think it's unreasonable of them to make a polite request, at all. What they said doesn't sound rude to me. Just say it's new and you don't want anyone else to use it/ mess it up and don't trust them not to - That's the truth, isn't it?

You’re not being unreasonable. Why are people so cheeky? I mean if offered, but actually messaging to ask when your wife has already been cheeky enough to ask. Can they not afford a holiday? If not I might offer to drive it somewhere within an hour. My friend had a static caravan once and she ended up falling out with a long term friend as one of the kids wet the bed and they didn’t even attempt to clean it up or let the cleaner know. So by the time it was discovered they needed a new mattress. She messaged the friend and she refused to pay! That was the end of a 25yr friendship. So yeah I’d be wary, but everyone and their dog will think they’ve got a right to use it

I think we need to learn that it is OK to say "No"

CF should not get away with it, even if they are DCFs.

It's fair enough to not want to lend a caravan if you don't want to. I probably would with my lot as I'd be happy it was being used but that's personal. I quite understand why you might not!

Don’t put ‘at the moment’ or similar in your message as that implies you’ll change your mind later…

@Serialcatmum I'd never thought about borrowing our NDNs caravan - thanks for the suggestion!
I'll have to get a tow bar fitted on my Fiesta first, but I'm sure its 1L engine will be fiine towing a nearly 2 ton 2.5m wide 8m long Sprite. 🤔
I won't need insurance or breakdown cover, will I?

tongue in cheek, obvs, but that's what your Inlaws are suggesting!🤦‍♀️

Isn’t part of the joy of having a caravan just being able to go somewhere at short notice. If you go lending it out for a week and then the weather is good and you want to go away, you’re stuffed!

In general I would gladly let my family share something like that, if they could tow it. I trust them and know they would take care of it.
I am sure that they would reciprocate in the same situation.

If you are going to entertain it then say you need time to work out the running costs and an appropriate contribution to your expenses and any work/ maintenance you have relating to it. (I've no idea how things work with a caravan). Work it out and add a bit. Also set out how many times they could use it in a year and for how long in advance as you would be able to want to use it yourself any time with it being yours and not having to check if family has booked it in. Also do you have other family members who will join the bandwagon?

I feel your pain but unfortunately with family and something like this it’s always going to be a thing- very few people have the option of this so I’d prepare yourself for a lot of people to want to use it!! I’d never ask and it would annoy me if someone was so pushy as to assume but if a relative offered us use of a caravan I’d be so thrilled!! (Hold on, I think I changed my position there to if you possibly did just give them some ground rules it would be a lovely thing to do!)

I think it’s very cheeky to say something like that before you’ve even got your own hands on it!

If they were experienced and had an appropriate vehicle I might consider lending it to them, but that doesn’t sound to be be case.

I think most inexperienced non cheeky fucker types would find the thought of loaning a touring caravan overwhelming, so if they’re inexperienced I’d take her entitled attitude as a red flag not to do it!

Just say no and shut the conversation down.
I own an apartment abroad and I don't let anyone stay in it, despite various family members asking.
It's something that you've worked and paid for.
It pisses me off when people think they're entitled to have freebies on the back of your hard work just because you're family.

This sort of thing depends entirely on the relationship and people involved. I would lend my sister absolutely anything and she would do me the same. And if I could facilitate a holiday for her and her family I absolutely would. I wouldn't lend any old person my things, but my sister yes. But that doesn't mean in your position with your particular family I would ... every situation is different and if you aren't happy to lend it, you aren't happy to lend it and thats that. Im not sure id lend certain things to other family members for example!

Say no.

After all they wouldn't want the guilt when some BMW or Audi driver runs into the back of them or has a crash because of impatience.

Your caravan, your rules.

I'd have thought the whole point of having a caravan is that you can go off somewhere pretty much at the drop of a hat esp if the forecast looks good. You'll be feeling peeved if it's on a promise to your SIL over a rare sunny week/weekend in an otherwise miserable summer. Just say no for now and if you change your minds in the future you'll let her know.

I know someone whose cleaner (long term) asked if their daughter could borrow their very expensive new motorhome for three weeks for her honeymoon..

The trouble is, people do damage stuff and then they suddenly develop amnesia & get arsey if you bring it up. I've now stopped lending stuff because I'm sick of the damage. I lent a friend my new Vax carpet shampooer and it came back in it's box so I thought all was ok, next time I wanted to use it I found the head had been really badly smashed & superglued onto the tubing. Ffs. Friend was all blank face about it. That was the last straw.

If it was static, I'd happily let people stay. But one you need to take with you, no way. Too likely for damage etc and very bad feeling. Plus they already sound cheeky so wouldn't trust them.

My family (DM, Aunts, uncles,etc) have the sort of mindset that families share and favours are swapped, so I understand why your DSiL has assumed this will be OK. I don’t think it’s her being awful - some people just think that way. But of course you can say no!!

No way. Caravans are fragile, it takes a lot of practice and reading up to get proficient at hitching, balancing weight, towing, reversing, pitching and levelling, working the water system, heating, toilet, fridge etc.... switching between electricity and gas if necessary. The fixtures, such as blinds can be fragile, and, importantly, you need a bloody car that is capable of pulling it!

If they have no knowledge or experience of caravans then no way! Well, no way in any case.