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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want other people using our caravan?

333 replies

Serialcatmum · 23/01/2023 22:19

Ok, by other people I mean my sister in law.

We recently purchased a caravan, we were going to go for a smaller one but decided to treat ourselves to a bigger one to give us more space. When I told SIL she said “oh I had my fingers crossed you’d go for the bigger one as then we can maybe use it some weekends too?!” It was sort of a question, sort of a statement. I laughed and said “oh we’ve not even planned our first trip yet”. She just said “ha ha. I don’t mean next weekend, I mean in the summer”. I laughed and changed the topic.

Since then DBIL has messaged my DH saying that SIL mentioned we might we able to borrow the caravan sometime.. (DH didn’t reply)

They don’t even have a towing vehicle. So are they planning on taking our car too?! Or are we expected to drive to their holiday place of choice and set up / collect for them?!

ANBH - they should get their own caravan and stop being cheeky fs.

ABU- they are family, of course you should let them take your caravan (and car) for a jolly.

OP posts:
Itgoesalittlesomethinglikethis · 23/01/2023 23:29

I was never any good at sharing so it would be a nope from me.
The cheekier the person, the louder i say no.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/01/2023 23:29

I agree with this - “No-it’s our new toy, we aren’t planning on lending it out, sorry”

I think you have to give a hard “no” now. If you’re just non committal you’ll get to the summer and hear “oh but we were relying on it”, “you didn’t say we could so we’ve planned around it now” “we’ve booked a campsite” etc

Best to be really clear from the get go.

They must realise that you’ll want something like this kept nice?

Remaker · 23/01/2023 23:32

Towing a caravan isn’t something to be taken lightly. If they don’t know what they’re doing they could easily have a significant accident and write it off. What’s the insurance situation with a caravan?

I’m just stunned that people would be SO quick to jump in and ask to borrow something so expensive when you’ve only just got it.

Agree that the clear text message is the way forward.

Kitkatcatflap · 23/01/2023 23:34

Can you say something like - we are not lending it out as we don't want to be tied down or to block any specific dates. The whole point of getting the bigger caravan is that we can make into a home from home, which we won't want lending out.

Teenagehorrorbag · 23/01/2023 23:35

We bought a cheap and cheerful one just before Covid, for a specific overnight event. We've since has some fun nights or weekends away, not sure I'd want much longer although the beds are very comfy. It's probably 20 years old, pretty immaculate but some things don't work (heater, aircon, taps, fridge....Grin). My sister and her family stayed in it overnight at a party not far from here (we towed it there and back) and we've also had several family members use it as an extra bedroom when visiting, and my DD has had sleepovers in it with friends (in our garden). It's a great space!

Because it's a banger I think I would lend it - but assuming yours is posher and your 'space' then I'd be very uncomfortable. Just say no.

FrangipaniBlue · 23/01/2023 23:36

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2023 23:21

Honestly I think you're pretty selfish. Unless there's some massive drop feed about their 7 unruly brats and their 6 dogs and how she's always leaving a trail of crumbs behind her, I don't see why you'd rather it sat empty on your driveway than be used by family.

If you're worried about wearing the tyres our or the mattress, ask for a small contribution.

I wouldn't have asked, in her shoes. I would have offered, in yours.

Oh hello SIL!!

Lurkerlot · 23/01/2023 23:36

surely the whole point of having a caravan, is if it looks like a weekend of fabulous weather, you can take off at very short notice?

MakingMarlsAndOtherThings · 23/01/2023 23:36

I’d just say, ‘aaah, not possible I’m afraid, it’s only for our use’

Then change the subject. If she makes a really big deal about asking to use it have a short second answer ready that your insurance doesn’t allow people to borrow it.

Then change the subject again and don’t respond to further requests.

Buggersticks · 23/01/2023 23:36

I'd point them in the direction of the nearest caravan sales place. I know an excellent one in Glossop! It's a no from me too, even if they offered to pay the going rate, its not for you to subsidise their holidays. I hope it's easily sorted and SIL doesn't get big face on.

(So jealous, would love my own 'van)

Lurkerlot · 23/01/2023 23:37

*posted to early

and committing to loaning it out would not allow you to do that.

Besides, it doesn’t seem they realise the type of car they will need to pull kt.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 23/01/2023 23:37

Nope

Nanny0gg · 23/01/2023 23:38

Serialcatmum · 23/01/2023 22:26

@Justcallmebebes well relatively easy yes (about £400) but very unlikely their vehicle can tow the 2ton.

It would be a 'maybe' from me if it was a static caravan, but a towing one?

Not a chance. Too much can go wrong.

cruisebaba1 · 23/01/2023 23:39

Remaker · 23/01/2023 23:32

Towing a caravan isn’t something to be taken lightly. If they don’t know what they’re doing they could easily have a significant accident and write it off. What’s the insurance situation with a caravan?

I’m just stunned that people would be SO quick to jump in and ask to borrow something so expensive when you’ve only just got it.

Agree that the clear text message is the way forward.

But people do assume that if you have a caravan or holiday home it’s open season for CFs. Agree 100% to shut down anyone asking about sharing it with you. Speaking from experience. Enjoy your van

Rightsraptor · 23/01/2023 23:39

Definitely say no.

But I do wonder if your SIL has thought this through at all if they don't even have a suitable towing vehicle. I'd guess, reading between the lines, that they have no experience of towing either. So it could all be academic anyway.

I wouldn't give reasons either, as the more you give (in any situation) the more entry points the other party has to attempt to negotiate with you, trying to defeat you and wear you down. Try to limit it to a pleasant 'oh no, we're keeping for us!' or something.

WinterDeWinter · 23/01/2023 23:45

If you want to soften the blow I’d say ‘ah sorry, we’ve definitely decided not to lend it out to anyone at all - heard too many horror stories about things getting smashed, they’re weirdly fragile but really expensive to fix!’ At least that’s a sort of a reason…

Aquamarine1029 · 23/01/2023 23:46

Absolutely not, and I would tell them that immediately.

It is always cheeky fuckers like your SIL and BIL that leave things in a proper mess. They will ruin your lovely new caravan.

AttentionAll · 23/01/2023 23:46

Say you plan to use it every weekend.

007DoubleOSeven · 23/01/2023 23:46

Anyone who 'asks' that early on in such an entitled way clearly isn't going to respect the caravan should you agree, because the respect isn't there from the start, so it's a 'no' from me.

ILoveMyCaravan · 23/01/2023 23:48

There's also the issue of insurance, have they ever towed a caravan before, reversed one onto a pitch and set up from scratch etc. I wouldn't hesitate to say no. As you can tell from my username, I loved my caravan and we never lent it out to anyone.

EpicChaos · 23/01/2023 23:49

Lack of suitable insurance always seems a handy excuse on these occasions, if you really don't want to allow others to use it.

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 23/01/2023 23:57

Do they think it’s a static van? We had a tourer for several years and would absolutely not let anyone use it, it’s far too personal. That’s a “no” from me.

Lavendersquare · 23/01/2023 23:57

Justcallmebebes · 23/01/2023 22:22

A tow bar is pretty cheap and simple to fit

Actually they aren't cheap ours cost nearly £1k to fit. Also not every car can tow a caravan, you have to meet legal towing requirements and actually be competent to tow.

We own a touring caravan and right from the start we made it clear that we weren't letting anyone else use it. Aside from the towing everything inside is made of lightweight materials and can easily be damaged and everything is incredibly expensive to replace.

ButtonMoonLoon · 24/01/2023 00:00

I’d say that nobody will be using it as it is insured for personal use only

ZaphodDent · 24/01/2023 00:02

No excuses or lies needed, that only leads to other questions and dilemmas.

Years ago I asked my sister if I could borrow her caravan. She eventually came back to me and said "I'm really sorry, but we've thought it through and we've decided not to lend it to anyone. It's so easy to damage a caravan even if you're super careful and they're really expensive to fix, and we don't want to get into any arguments with anyone about whether a scratch or break was there before it was lent. I hope you understand. "

I did understand and it was a learning point for me. It made perfect sense and I wouldn't dream of asking such a daft question again. Neither a borrower or a lender be, goes the saying, and for good reason.

MrsMikeDrop · 24/01/2023 00:11

ZaphodDent · 24/01/2023 00:02

No excuses or lies needed, that only leads to other questions and dilemmas.

Years ago I asked my sister if I could borrow her caravan. She eventually came back to me and said "I'm really sorry, but we've thought it through and we've decided not to lend it to anyone. It's so easy to damage a caravan even if you're super careful and they're really expensive to fix, and we don't want to get into any arguments with anyone about whether a scratch or break was there before it was lent. I hope you understand. "

I did understand and it was a learning point for me. It made perfect sense and I wouldn't dream of asking such a daft question again. Neither a borrower or a lender be, goes the saying, and for good reason.

I think this only works because you're a nice, normal person. You only need to see the threads where everyone is out for blood when someone isn't invited to a lunch or a child wasn't given a birthday gift. I too think this is a very fair reason not to lend it and I would be happy with being told that

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