To not want other people using our caravan?

[Serialcatmum]

Ok, by other people I mean my sister in law.

We recently purchased a caravan, we were going to go for a smaller one but decided to treat ourselves to a bigger one to give us more space. When I told SIL she said “oh I had my fingers crossed you’d go for the bigger one as then we can maybe use it some weekends too?!” It was sort of a question, sort of a statement. I laughed and said “oh we’ve not even planned our first trip yet”. She just said “ha ha. I don’t mean next weekend, I mean in the summer”. I laughed and changed the topic.

Since then DBIL has messaged my DH saying that SIL mentioned we might we able to borrow the caravan sometime.. (DH didn’t reply)

They don’t even have a towing vehicle. So are they planning on taking our car too?! Or are we expected to drive to their holiday place of choice and set up / collect for them?!

ANBH - they should get their own caravan and stop being cheeky fs.

ABU- they are family, of course you should let them take your caravan (and car) for a jolly.

Dear SIL, of COURSE you may use the caravan. The additional cost for insurance to cover you and your DH for this will be X pounds per month. The premium is due on the X of each month. Shall I expect your cheque???

Bet that puts an end to it!

YANBU to not want other people to use it

She WNBU to ask

YWBU to not just say "Sorry, we aren't planning to let it out to anyone". I can't understand why you would let her think it was something that might happen. Why not just say "No, we're not letting it out" and be clear, if that is what you have decided?

Yanbu

Here's my take

If it was a static caravan id think maybe you were being a little bit unreasonable

However it's a touring van so in my opinion NO YANBU as has been said already caravans are not cheap but are fragile and easy to do serious damage to if you don't know what your doing
I had a van for 17 years and never once lent it out to others it was solely for our use my logic was if I wanted others to use it I'd have got a static

Are you the CF Sil? Lol.

OP if the situation was reversed would you want to borrow your SILs caravan?

Totally irrelevant.

Tell them no, you are not lending it out.

Nope nope nope, you are not unreasonable!

@Justcallmebebes it's not the tow bar, it's the weight versus the car, the practicalities of things like balancing the nose weight carefully and the competency of the tower!
We have a caravan and my husband did the lessons - there's so much that can go wrong.

Op, lots of people have given you very reasonable ways of saying no. It's true that it's a very personal space (even more so if it's a fixed bed layout instead of a converting front lounge! It rained would be like lending out your bedroom!)

Enjoy the caravan and the freedom! We brought ours within the last year and absolutely adore it so like a pp, I'd definitely has me clutching my pearls too 😁

How much does a 'banger' cost out of interest ?

I used to have a caravan and a few family members borrowed it at various times. It was on-site so had no worries about it being towed. I didn't think they were CF for asking and obviously I was prepared to take the risk - it was also insured. OP's SIL wasn't very subtle and they are both being a bit premature - probably would have been more sensible and considerate to have waited until OP had actually used it first IMO. But I don't think it's that outrageous to ask as long as they don't get offended by a "no" - that would be CF-ery.

I voted YANBU - neither of you want (or planned) to lend it out. Don't feel pressurised into lending anything that you don't feel comfortable about

They can use the £400 to buy a tent if they want a great kids holiday. Interesting question about lending a car mentioned upthread. I think I’d rather lend my car than my personal home on wheels.

Think lending it out is a recipe for disaster

1. what happens if it gets damaged
2. depreciation due to mileage
3. you won’t feel like you can keep your stuff in it
4. youll end up feeling like you have to spring clean it before they use it.
5. what if you feel like dropping everything and going off for a weekend, if they’ve got it

Are you always so generous with other people's things or are YOU the sister in law?
DO you lend out your expensive possessions I wonder?

You borrow what you are offered.
I got a new tent last year. Seems simple to some but I love it, and If ask to use ot thinking it's just a tent I would hate it, because I only would lend it if they value it like I do and look after it.

Absolutely not. DO NOT let them borrow it.

People never look after stuff they haven’t paid for themselves, they would never look after it like you would.

The whole point of having a caravan is to leave your clothes, toiletries, kitchen things, bedding, books, boardgames, etc in there, so you just tow and go! Lending it out would negate all of that. It is an extension of your home. Using it would be a complete invasion of your privacy.

Start as you mean to go on. Let them know NOW that it would never happen, so they can make their summer plans accordingly and not blame you later on.

You really need to be crystal clear on this with no room for misinterpretation, whichever way you decide to dress the ‘no’ up.

I can’t believe she even has the brass neck to ask. Come on OP, what else has she done? This can’t be her cheeky fucker opening move???

It’s a no to lending it from me too. I can’t believe your SIL said they had been hoping you would get the bigger caravan 😡.

I would hate that. It's new! You haven't even had a chance to "break it in", yet, and they're already making plans to borrow it! I do think it's terribly rude and presumptuous to ask about borrowing someone's expensive new things. It would be a bit different if you'd had it a while, it was no longer in great condition, and you were no longer using it often (though even then I'd rather they'd just gently hint that they were interested in borrowing it instead of acting as though it's assumed that you'll loan it out).

I'd have to let them think I was selfish, because I wouldn't be loaning it for quite some time, if ever. It takes the bloom off the rose, to have people grabbing expectantly at your new toy! I'm happy to admit I'm selfish, though. I don't like loaning things out to anyone but a favourite, most trusted few.

Tell them your insurance doesn't cover anyone else using your caravan. Caravans are expensive & too precious to have someone who doesn't know what they are doing potentially wreck it. It only needs a gas bottle not being connected properly or something going wrong with the water & you could be facing expensive repairs or your caravan could be written off.

I think you're being mean.

If my sister got a caravan I would 100% be expecting to be able to borrow it! I don't think it's cheeky to ask, just like if she had a holiday home in Spain I would also assume I would be able to holiday there if I wanted.

You're assuming she's going to mess it all up, borrow your car when none of that has happened yet. Yes of course there's always a risk she might crash it etc, but so might you!

Are you the OP's sister?

@dapsnotplimsolls cf directly above yours later trumped by the 'I'd 100% expect to use family's caravan/holiday home'

Yeah great response! Good luck x

God no! My brother bought a camper van and I was hoping he wouldn't offer it to us for a trip in front of my kids because I didn't want the responsibility (and I loathe camping!) as they'd love it! It'll never be clean enough when it comes back or there'll be a scratch or something broken and they'll say 'oh I found it like that'- just no

We said this when we bought ours - my dsis said “you don’t mean us though?” and was most put out when I said yes

our insurance doesn’t allow us to lend it out - also a tourer is a lot different to a static, quite a lot of setting up and packing away involved. It’s taken us years to get it down to a fine art

Charge them or tell them there's a charge £150 per day is typical for a larger caravan. That'll put them off..