Why is polyamory trending?

[KiwiMum2023]

What’s going on with polyamory? Seems like a very blatant push to make it acceptable with all these throuple stories in the news. AIBU to think it’s all a bit grim?

The non-membership (or where “membership” just involves paying to get in) clubs in small towns can be quite seedy places, because they’re open to all-comers and attract a lot of low-end men who don’t have much luck with women who think it’s a guaranteed way to get laid.

Then you get the professional London clubs like KV and XB where everyone is disproportionately attractive and successful because they have a strict membership criteria.

If you’re one of the (odd) people who enjoys watching those sensationalist Channel 5 documentaries about swingers; or you know somebody who once went to a swingers club without first becoming a member and said it was grim - you’ll be getting an insight into the first type. The second type don’t let TV cameras in and nor do they let in one-off randomers to lallygag.

Note also that the swinging is not synonymous with polyamory: most polyamorous people are not swingers. And as with everything, an entire cross section of society in terms of age, looks, profession and lifestyle is represented in both groups.

The impression I get is that many swingers are middle aged. Of course, I'm not doubting the existence of elite hedonistic clubs.

Lol @ ‘but I'm willing to bet that some of those households would have involved polyamorous relationships, even if no one else was really aware, because they kept quiet to avoid social censure’ just utterly wild speculation without any basis at all. People in the past living in small communities were absolute gossip mongers. Anything even slightly out of the ordinary would likely attract comment. Thanks for the lolz though @EBearhug

You’re right. ALL the hotties are in to paying to join HIGH END swinging clubs…disproportionately attractive, I’m going to go out on a limb here, means no fatties, not you must be devastatingly attractive. And I don’t think the paid membership high end angle is as impressive as you seem to find it. Just sounds like a bunch of creeps with money corralling disproportionately attractive people in an attempt to have sex with them.
I have to say in my own life yes anyone I have ever known to be in a polyamorous situation was very much the kind of person you would expect. And every one of them wore it as a kind of pathetic badge to show that actually they were attractive and desirable. Incredibly attention seeking in my experience as well. It doesn’t scream of deep, knowing intimacy with more than one person, it speaks much more clearly of a fear or dislike of knowing and being known that closely by even one person.

You’re probably somewhat correct in the sense that swinging and swingers clubs used to be the only real way that people who didn’t want to be monogamous could meet, socialise and have sex with with other likeminded people. Middle aged people who found their peers this way are more likely to stick with it. Whereas nowadays (in large cities at least) there are a plethora of parties, members clubs, nightclubs, dating apps etc which appeal primarily to younger people, so younger people are less likely to be interested in their local swingers club (particularly since they know it will probably have an older crowd and most people in their 20s and 30s don’t want to be having sex with people in their 50s or 60s.)

Just the way it works I suppose. Same as dating apps really. If you’re a 9/10 gym bunny 29-year-old then you generally aren’t going to be interested in a dumpy 56-year-old.

We get it dear, you are super cool and chill with 9/10 or higher sex clubs. Have you gotten off enough talking about it now? No else seems to be very impressed

Well, most people weren’t very impressed at the beginning of the thread, so times they clearly aren’t a changing. Shame.

Not sure where your attitude comes from, tbh. It’s a discussion thread and all the non-monogamous posters on the thread have been perfectly polite, answered questions, not been insulting; unlike some of the other posters who’ve tried to insinuate they must be supportive of or complicit in child sexual abuse, or are unattractive and unwashed.

I passed the screening for KV and got my card. Most pointless thing ever. It's like stepping into a Vice magazine feature. Very dull!

If anyone's interested, save your money and get a Nando's card instead.

I haven’t said anything of the things you have outlined against non monogamous people though so am not sure why you are aiming that at me? In fact I was the only person on the thread that stood up to a poster linking polyamory and sexual abuse.

Lol lol lol were the attendees all disproportionately attractive?

Firstly you weren't the only person, because I did too, and secondly if you're going to be dismissive, rude, and sarcastic towards other posters by calling them "dear" and saying they're getting off on it, then I don't know why you're suprised that they push back.

I agree. The parochial small mindedness on this thread is astounding. I’m not sure why it’s so hard for some people to accept that there are legitimate lifestyles other than their own, or why they feel the need to denigrate them and assume everyone involved is either unhappy and ugly or a potential paedophile. Nobody’s trying to force boring monogamous accountant Dave and grumpy housewife Sue from Coventry into polyamory. I doubt they’d have anything of interest intellectually or physically to offer the non monogamous community anyway (see, stereotypes aren’t very nice are they?)

''@TedMullins · Today 12:59
I agree. The parochial small mindedness on this thread is astounding. I’m not sure why it’s so hard for some people to accept that there are legitimate lifestyles other than their own, or why they feel the need to denigrate them and assume everyone involved is either unhappy and ugly or a potential paedophile. Nobody’s trying to force boring monogamous accountant Dave and grumpy housewife Sue from Coventry into polyamory. I doubt they’d have anything of interest intellectually or physically to offer the non monogamous community anyway (see, stereotypes aren’t very nice are they?)''

Well, I find it very ironic that you are concerned that people are not open minded enough to accept other lifestyles, yet you have just posted something which is full of scorn and stereotypes about anyone from ''housewives'' to ''accountants'' and people who don't live in I assume places like London and suggested they are by definition all dull and ugly.

Talk about double-standards.

I can't help but feel tht it's being capatalised on my sleezy men who want to convince women that they are being unreasonable and old fashion by not wanting to put up with "sharing" the man. It's giving cheaters a free pass to be open about their cheating and putting pressure on women to put up with it.

I am sure there is genuine relationships like thsi with consenting adults and it is probably becoming more normalised as society becomes more accepting of alternative life styles, but yeah, I can't help but think it's definitely also being used for not much good at all by some.

Yes. I did it on purpose to prove that exact point. And it’s not nice, is it? So maybe people saying those who practice polyamory are all fat inadequate gamers who live in their mum’s basements and molest kids for fun can reign it in and realise how judgemental they sound.

I can't help but feel tht it's being capatalised on my sleezy men who want to convince women that they are being unreasonable and old fashion by not wanting to put up with "sharing" the man. It's giving cheaters a free pass to be open about their cheating and putting pressure on women to put up with it.

I'm sure that's true in some cases, but it could be that a woman has more than one male partner. There are many possible configurations, and not all women feel they are naturally monogamous, nor are they always going to be pressured into it unwillingly.

Yes - I don't know why they let me have a membership! It was a bit of a rush to watch other people get turned away, but sadly that's the only rush I got there. Very self conscious atmosphere there, and crap music.

A Nando's loyalty card, on the other hand, lets you collect points which you can later cash in for a whole chicken platter plus two regular sides, which is enough for me and both of my partners. So they win on the poly representation front any day!

I wasn’t surprised they pushed back at all? Bully for them 🤷‍♀️

It’s unreal, totally infantile understanding of the reality of human relationships.

One person said that though. There’s many people on this thread who have said no such thing.

TBH, most of the people I've met IRL who are into open relationships etc seem to be a bit self involved for want of a better word. My sister had a mate like this. Strict upbringing from wealthy parents and then rebelled and got into coke and group sex etc.

I used to see her in town/at parties etc, and on quite a few occasions she'd be proudly leading a couple of blokes out. She always looked so smug like she thought it was cool but it was pretty cringe tbh.

Loving all these anecdotal case studies about your poly mates. So lucky I don't have any personal experience of monogamous, heterosexual couples behaving badly, being simultaneously smug and problematic, or doing things to damage their children emotionally. If I did, you'd be toast! Phew!

I’ll come back here again as I was tagged in before - polyamory is not good for children. Myself and my siblings are all damaged by it and has trauma based mental health issues because of it. Professionals have all confirmed the polyamory relationships are our main trigger.
Don’t kid yourself that the kids are ok - I can tell you, based on others I have met - we are not ok. It isn’t ok to put your children through it.

This.

They seem to want to destroy the family unit and civilization as we know it