Why is polyamory trending?

[KiwiMum2023]

What’s going on with polyamory? Seems like a very blatant push to make it acceptable with all these throuple stories in the news. AIBU to think it’s all a bit grim?

There's no point trying to talk sense to this person. They think your lifestyle is weird and they don't even accept there's another way of living.

/long term monogamous here, just not a narrow minded ass

I don’t get what you are trying to say. Do you think everyone should be default supportive of polyamorous relationships? People talk about the downsides of monogamy all the time. Fact is I sincerely doubt many polyamorous people are running a daily gauntlet of terrifying eye rolls.

@Eyerollcentral
And you come across as a sarky judgemental bigot, but hey. It's the poly people's fault, sure.

Not to mention the faux 'oh, I don't understand . Yes, you do. Look up 'disingenuous'.

Hi I don’t think it’s wrong. I just think it’s got a fairly low chance of success. I think it’s supremely selfish to bring children in to an arrangement like this. I’m not a prude and I’m not generally prescriptive. I can only say my lived experience has shown me a lot of yes attention seeking people on one hand and quite lonely individuals on the other who tended to be involved in these kinds of relationships. I haven’t said everyone involved. The hyperbole on this thread has come only from those arguing against myself and others. I don’t gaf what people get up to, but I can’t lie and say I think polyamory is a great idea

I’m not sarky or judgemental or indeed a bigot. More hyperbole. If you want to have a reasoned discussion great, but tbh if you have just come here to throw totally unfounded insults at me maybe do one.

I would say this - as a child of polyamory.
Do whatever you want, with whoever you want.
But if you’ve got kids - please don’t - because whatever they tell you - they don’t like it. And whatever you want to tell yourself - they still don’t like it.
We weren’t number one for our parents and we knew it.

👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼 👏🏼

Zone2NorthLondon. Well that is the a truly accurate description - fat fingered gamer - yes, a pasty smug gamer flaunting his momentary luck. Makes me feel queasy.

I was waiting for the word "fat" to be brought out!

Assuming that poly people are "usually" skeevy misogynists is nasty enough (and based on what? Data? Shitty exploitative documentaries? Your own imagination?).

But insults about physical appearance? That's just low. We're all better than this.

The only thing common and stereotypical to all poly households is that we're all just so damn exhausted from having to defend ourselves.

Which is fine until children are involved...
Pps have said it was a shit situation for them
All about selfishness - no-one seems to care how their actions affect others both immediately and long-term

But if you’ve got kids - please don’t - because whatever they tell you - they don’t like it. And whatever you want to tell yourself - they still don’t like it.

But that is down to shitty parenting. You can be treated badly by your parents when they are in a monogamous relationship, too.

I'll be honest and say I don't understand it, I don't get the appeal, and I know it's not for me.

I am maybe a tiny bit judgmental in the privacy of my own brain. I would never verbalise anything but I can't help how I feel.

I also didn't understand (monogamous) relationships at all either until I was in a stage of my life where I wanted that and I got experience of it.

So I don't think I'm bigoted per-se, I just find it very hard to put myself in someone else's shoes. But I am aware of that weakness and because I'm aware of it I try very hard overcome it

Each to their own. If they're all consenting adults then it's no ones buisness. There's plenty of miserable monogamous relationships out there.

If you ever watch the show "Sister Wives" (don't judge me, it came on after another show while I was glossing the woodwork in the livingroom and I was drawn in) if anything it shows you how difficult and complicated a lifestyle choice it is. I very much doubt anyone watching it would come away thinking "I might give that a go".

A few decades ago it was socially expected that you marry someone of the opposite sex and you have children. I think now people are more accepting that that just isn't for everyone and that includes people choosing not to have children, people having kids out of wedlock, gay marriage. Polyamory is just another lifestyle. I don't think it's being pushed, people just feel more free to talk about it openly because society has dropped those old fashioned expectations of how people should live their lives.

How long have you been in a polyamorous household? You sound very youthful, just in terms of your style of writing.

I'm not telling you, that would be attention seeking.

You sound very out of touch. How old are you, I wonder?

You don't sound bigoted at all, quite the opposite. Feeling uncomfortable about something is very valid! There's plenty of stuff I'm uncomfortable about, some more rational than others. It's about how we decide to sit with that discomfort, and whether we explore it or just project it onto other people.

I was very sceptical and even sneery about a lot of relationship dynamics (like cohabiting, marriage, etc.) but I've changed my mind about that as my needs have shifted and I've met people who've made it work and got a lot of joy from it.

I think these complex relationships usually end because there aren't enough hours in the day. Someone must lose out , attention wise , quite apart from the sex. At least for everyday people.

Different if yours that actress / director with a boyfriend on every continent. Name eludes me. Guardian always gushing on about her.

I’m in my early 40s, not out of touch at all. Every comment you make you sound quite young and petulant. It’s not a crime to be younger but it’s a bit much to lecture everyone else about relationships if you have limited experience of them and life personally.

Everyone should by default accept that there are other ways to do life that aren’t heterosexual monogamy - that includes polyamory, same sex relationships, choosing not to live with your partner, being long-term single, having a child by sperm donor etc. Most things in life have ups and down sides. You don’t have to want those lifestyles for yourself or actively promote them but yes, the default reaction should be acceptance, not shoehorning in as many little digs as you can and feigning indifference.

I don’t think it’s about shitty parents, it’s about the fact that there’s always a weird dynamic going on. My parents did love us and were loving.
It just made us the talk of the town, being confronted with people’s comments on the playground wasn’t great - especially when as a young child you don’t know what they are talking about. Other people judge it and it’s very isolating - even now it raises huge eyebrows because you aren’t introducing a conventional family unit to everyone you bring into your life. There are so many definitions of family these days - but polyamory is not an accepted brand. In my opinion this is because it’s about adults looking for variations in sex and relationships. But if you are focusing on that as parents you aren’t really 100% focusing on what’s right for your children. I’ve never been able to accept it despite being a kind, open minded person.

As I said - I think it’s fine to live your life anyway you want - there’s no need to be conventional or not follow what you want.

I just really don’t believe it’s right for kids as it was traumatizing as a child - split loyalties, more arguments going on as strange couples dynamics going on , being forced to accept new adult figures. It was just horrible.

Have you also noticed how other sexual boundaries are being built up these days? The issue of consent is now a mainstream discussion. The recognition of power dynamics being important. The concept of enthusiastic consent - it's no longer "no means no" but "yes means yes". We have new words to articulate and help combat emotional abuse. Financial abuse is now recognised and is a crime.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet - but I always hear the song from Balamory when I hear the word Polymory. It's weirdly fitting. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

What's the story in Balamory,
wouldn't you like to know?
What's the story in Balamory,
where would you like to go?

Will there be treats with Pocket and Sweet?
Is that where we should go?

Or up to the castle inventing with Archie?
He's ever so clever and ever so arty!

Choosing our colours and dabbing with paint
with Spencer we should go.

Or moving and jumping with Josie Jump?

Shall we have fun as we cycle with Plum?

Or taking it easy with Edie McCredie?
Wouldn't you like to know?
So...