Why is polyamory trending?

[KiwiMum2023]

What’s going on with polyamory? Seems like a very blatant push to make it acceptable with all these throuple stories in the news. AIBU to think it’s all a bit grim?

Virtually everyone in my (large) social group is in or has been in a polyamorous relationship of some kind for as long as I’ve known them. They fail at broadly the same rate as the monogamous ones in the group and, when they do, for largely the same (often mundane) reasons: I think people who don’t know much about polyamory overthink the sex; like any other relationship it’s just one aspect of it. But then: normal, emotionally healthy people like us just getting on with living our lives as pleases us aren’t going to be signing up to be represented in car crash sensational TV programmes about threesomes gone wrong.

If it’s trending in the media then I imagine it’s because it’s “trending” in actuality. According to studies (Haupert, Gesselman, Moors, Fisher, & Garcia, 2017; and Rubin, Moors, Matsick, Ziegler, Conley, 2014) around 5.5% people in a relationship in the US are in a polyamorous or open relationship. Considering it’s estimated that only around 7.5% of the US population are LGB, and we’re not talking about an especially insignificant proportion in comparison.

You'll be pleased to know then that the news stories are involving 2 married straight couples.
With each having their own separate non related throuple.

Rita Ora has already explained her situation.

Not sure what's going on with Una Healy and her husband.

These crazy non trans married women ruining our theories!

My Muslim friends sister is legally married to a man but he has another wife who he has married religiously only. He has two wives and 2 sets of children. Not really polygamous but they are confident they'd be no arguments about property/inheritance if he was to die. The 2 wives are close but not sexual. I dare say there's a word for that somewhere.

Polyamory can work, but requires a complete lack of jealousy and emotional skills I can’t even comprehend. Usually, it’s an excuse for cheating.

I'm so naive, I read that una heavy article's headline and assumed she was just kind of jokily admitting to being a third wheel.

Sister wives! Loved the series with that name. However, not for me. It'd be nice to have someone to raise the kids with though 😂

Having more than one spouse IS polygamy, typically a husband having more than one wife. The OP is referring to polyamory which is a separate thing.

I haven't met one single person who has told me they are polygamous.

I cant imagine how your circle of acquaintance can be so different !🤯

Aren’t you quite the skilled and researched debater.

I personally find the whole thing buzzare and I wouldn't choose it for myself, however having said that, what other consenting adults get up to and as long as it doesn't involve me I don't care 🤣

As a loan parent to one child, I don't even want to share my life/home/environment with one adult let alone two or more. I'd go insane 🫣

Imagine having to constantly converse with someone or a 3 way argument or something. Fuck that!

I remember some people going on about it when I was a student. I thought at the time you'd have to have huge self confidence. Now I think you'd have to have huge energy, and not many interests outside romance/sex. Other things - kids, hobbies, friends, work - would have to give somewhere. There's only so many hours in a week.

Louis Theroux did a documentary about it some time back. The families involved seemed a bit sad and unstable.

I read a couple of years ago about two couples in relationships with each other. There were children who didn’t know who their fathers were.

I thought this from that show Big Love. Seemed like quite a good set up to me 🤣

Yes, I understand the difference between polygamy and polygamory. Polygamy isn't having multiple legal spouses though. That was my point, that if 'throuples' wanted to legally marry and all had equal status, so not a long established couple then someone joined them, but 3 people all starting out together. My example showed that even a 2nd spouse can't be managed legally, letcaloneca 3 way. Will long term throuples be campaigning for equal rights.
Originally marriage was between a man and a woman, then it could be a woman and a woman, or a man and a man. Then a woman who was a man with a man who was a woman. Now we've evened out gender and sexuality will throuples have equal rights as couples? Watch this space.

I also wonder if another aspect of it is trying to recreate a family dynamic (in which you're sort of parented and surrounded, which you can't just do by having your own kids). I was estranged from siblings at a young age, and I really find security in group settings. I know the same goes for people separated from their whole family at a young age.

Obviously romantic group settings feel even safer than friendship group settings, in the same way people try to solve their daddy/mummy issues through romantic relationships rather than friendships.

Obviously a bad idea though. People think it'll provide them with additional emotional security (putting your eggs in multiple baskets) but it's the opposite of that

Exactly this

A couple of female friends of mine over the years have been in polyamorous relationships - both very upset when bloke shagged extra people outside of the agreed pool.

It's gross that's what it is. I hate that people say they've "come out" as polyamorous as though it has the same gravity as being gay. It doesn't.

The wife who is not legally married is legally vulnerable. Those wives are also at much higher risk of domestic violence statistically.

To answer your question about what is going on op - the answer is porn.

And YANBU to think it’s all a bit grim.

I know polygamy happens for religious reasons, but anyone I have ever known who is long term polygamous has issues with emotional intimacy.

I couldn’t be arsed to keep up with it, although open to having an third person paying towards the sodding bills.

One of the throuples ended with the non bio "dad" of so

Dammit, the non bio dad ended up murdering the son