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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How can she be left like this? Take her back to A&E?

703 replies

Fearsheisdying · 23/01/2023 17:51

Posting for traffic has honestly I'm terrified something is seriously wrong with my Mum and don't know what to do so please be nice.

Last week she started with some pain that she says feels like it's right at the very bottom of her ribs and radiating round the sides. She was in agony, basically screaming with pain so I took her to A&E on the advice of 111. All obs and ECG were normal but the blood tests were abnormal. They were going to do a CT scan but then decided as her obs were ok and they didn't think there was a bleed as no fall/injury, they were not going to do a CT scan there but would refer it to the GP to arrange BUT because of the blood test results and recent weightloss, they wanted it done urgently under the "2 week rule" and from his grave tone, I highly suspect he thinks it's cancer and serious. They couldn't/wouldn't give her anymore painkillers because of the painkillers she's on for severe arthritis but these are not touching the pain.

Fast forward to today, she has been in absolute agony since Thursday and seems worse today and can barely move. She's exhausted and crying/screaming in pain. My sister called 999 today but they said as not life threatening they won't send an ambulance but had to speak to GP within an hour. GP receptionist tried to say no appointments so we couldn't speak to GP but after I explained the issue (and she could hear my Mum crying out in pain) she finally agreed to pass a message to the GP so currently waiting to see if GP will call back today or not. Mum says if I take her back to A&E we'll be sat for hours again and nothing will be done but I can't just sit here and watch her in so much pain and do nothing.

What do I do?! Do I make her let me take her to A&E? Do we wait to see if the GP will call? Just feel so helpless

OP posts:
Chocolateismyfavourite · 24/01/2023 07:06

Thinking of you

Weenurse · 24/01/2023 07:10

I hope you get a diagnosis

Fearsheisdying · 24/01/2023 07:28

Not going to lie, I've been up 26 hours now so am starting to flag. Just waiting to tag team another family member soon and then I'll go and get some sleep. Mum is trying to sleep but shift changeover is happening and you can tell the day staff as they're all super happy and chipper haha
The Dr we have had tonight has been a superstar (as have the nurses) so will make sure they all know how grateful we are for the care we have received and to hopefully have some answers for Mum

OP posts:
MiCasaEsTuCasota · 24/01/2023 07:42

Wombatbum · 24/01/2023 06:59

So glad they are taking it seriously. Shame on those who said not to take her!!

THIS. Those responses are frankly unconscionable. Well done OP and all the best to you and your mum.

Coffeecreme · 24/01/2023 07:52

i dont think it is fair to lay into posters who went with call the GP.
it was a aibu, call the GP was one of the options.
op went with her gut in the end, on a needs must basis!

Coffeecreme · 24/01/2023 07:52

anyway, all the best to @Fearsheisdying and your dm Flowers

MiCasaEsTuCasota · 24/01/2023 07:58

The woman was/is in agony. You wouldn’t leave a dog like that. I stand by what I said.

Doowop1919 · 24/01/2023 07:59

Glad you're being listened to, op. I hope they find out soon what's causing it and your mum gets some relief soon

Whiskeypowers · 24/01/2023 08:05

Hope today brings some relief for your mum and some answers with a plan

Try to get some sleep you have been an amazing daughter to her and fought for her.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 24/01/2023 08:05

I would take her back to A&E OP, well prepared. Wait times can be very variable. In and out with an elderly relative in 1 hr 40 recently. Things should be moving forward for her now. CT scan and better pain relief at least. So feel for you both

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 24/01/2023 08:05

Hope you get results and treatment soon

LookItsMeAgain · 24/01/2023 08:07

I hope you hear some news soon and your mum gets the treatment she needs.

lovescats3 · 24/01/2023 08:10

Take her to a and e yourself and demand a diagnosis

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 24/01/2023 08:25

I hope they sort her out op

Highfivemum · 24/01/2023 08:29

What an awful time for you and your mum. Terrible that she was sent home last week in such pain. I think we are now at the stage where we as patients have to question what we are told as to not slip through the net.
I hope you get some rest today and your mum is feeling better soon.

Xrays · 24/01/2023 08:31

Hope you get the results and some help soon.

Preparedforjobnottolast · 24/01/2023 08:42

JenniferBooth · 23/01/2023 20:37

I lost 10 stone 20 years ago.. I got gallstones and it got so bad i couldnt eat SOLID food. i went through months and months of excrutiating pain and A + E admission. In and out of A + E for TEN MONTHS. then doctors coming to my home to give me morphine injections whenever i had an attack . Finally a doctor prescribed me morphine pills which melted under the tongue that i took every time i had an attack. First attack was 3 July 2002 Scan was on 19 Dec 2002 after months of A + E admissions . Early Feb 2003 i got a letter telling me id have to wait for ANOTHER YEAR. I cried my eyes out and actually considered suicide. It was only after a private consultation with a surgeon and then another admission to hospital and an NHS appointment with the same surgeon that my op was promised within 6 weeks It was done 5 weeks later on 28 April 2003.id lost 8 stone by the time i had my op. The surgeon and two doctors told me it was caused by losing weight too fast. (slimming world) The pain was excrutiating and the first attack appeared after id lost nearly 4 stone. Back then i had no idea fast weight loss could cause gallstones I was losing a stone a month and whenever i did try to slow it down i either stayed the same or gained.
I actually did seriously consider suicide especially after i got the letter telling me id have to wait ANOTHER YEAR. I thought it was beyond cruel especially when id lost the weight by myself with willpower.
i believe due to mixing tramadol with as many over the counter drugs as i could in the early months to stop the pain i have been left with long term issues and its also left a bitter taste in the mouth TBH. Im grateful for the NHS but i was in so much pain i was thinking of overdosing (which i was bloody close to anyway) i also think the fact i won Class Slimmer of the Year and started to appear in our local papers may have been a factor in me getting the op sooner than that awful letter said but i shall never know.

Thank you for sharing.

Led92 · 24/01/2023 08:45

Get some rest OP!

CuriousMama · 24/01/2023 09:01

Thank you for updating us. So glad to hear she's getting proper care now.

maranella · 24/01/2023 09:07

I hope you get some answers OP. Your poor DM and you as well - you're a trooper yourself. What is so frustrating is the lack of consistency of care. I had that when my DS was really ill once. One doctor misdiagnosed him and sent him home, only for us to return a few days later with him in a much worse state and more seriously ill. I know we're all human and to be human is to err, but FFS, when someone's life is at stake and [non-medically trained] family members are trying to assess how ill their relative is and whether they need to be returned to hospital or not, when a doctor has sent them home saying they're okay, it's bloody awful. Flowers for you both. Hope your DM is more comfortable now, at least.

nettie434 · 24/01/2023 09:14

I'm sorry your mum has had to wait so long for these investigations. I hope that her treatment is going to improve from now on. You have really supported her well. Hope you get some rest soon.

Schnooze · 24/01/2023 09:16

Oh my goodness, sounds so stressful.
Hope you get some answers today.

LuluBlakey1 · 24/01/2023 09:17

You must feel drained and very worried. Glad your mum is being looked after thought- hope you get some reassuring news and she feels better soon. I spent numerous long nights/days in A & E with my mam when she was very elderly and frail and know how worrying it is.

AgathaMystery · 24/01/2023 09:17

Hope you manage some sleep today OP.

Icouldabeenalawyer · 24/01/2023 09:25

Have been thinking of you and your dm, op. I hope she is more comfortable today 💐