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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To relocate to Australia?

189 replies

sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:39

I've been offered a role in my company in Australia (I'm in north east England now) - same company, nearly double what I'm on now. I've just come out of (or at least tried to - it's been hard) a difficult relationship with addiction involved. I'm utterly broken by it. I have a son whose other parent is 50/50 but has said he's happy for me to go for a fixed period (between 1-2 years). I've stayed in his home town since we split to allow easy co parenting but I never meant to stay here long term.

Can I leave? All I want to do is run away and the job offer and quality of life would be amazing but I'm not sure if it's fair on my son. Everything I've seen says children have a fantastic life there. The job move is fantastic and will set me up for a much better one when I come back.

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 22/01/2023 20:43

I would say yes, go.......but how old is your son?

Original poster
sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:44

He is 8

OP posts:
Original poster
sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:45

But I know I want to do this because it will make my life easier. I'm finding it hard to be objective about it it's the best thing or if I just need to stick it out here.

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 22/01/2023 20:46

Oh God. What a dilemma 😞 no, I wouldn’t go. 1 or 2 years to an 8 year old may as well be 1 or 2 centuries. It would be really sad to separate him from his dad for that length of time, plus the upheaval of changing schools and then coming back again.

Zanatdy · 22/01/2023 20:46

So you’re taking your son, but it’s only going to be for 1-2yrs? Personally no I wouldn’t uproot for a short time. I also wouldn’t take my child away from their other parent.

OrigamiOwls · 22/01/2023 20:47

I would go, it sounds like an amazing experience for both of you.

OneCup · 22/01/2023 20:49

Given the other parent is involved, I probably wouldn't go. What you're going through sounds really tough though so I absolutely see the appeal of going

RoaRoaRasputin · 22/01/2023 20:49

Excellent experiwnce. He will rememember this forever. School is easy as he is primary and you ex is supportive. Go and have an adventure!

Original poster
sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:50

Sorry to drop feed but my son is also having a horrible time in school. My fault probably - but he doesn't have many friends and never really socialised as a child (lockdown for reception and year 1). I will be moving him to a new school next year even if we don't move. Appreciate the honest answers so far. His dad would fly out once a year and we would come back once as well.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 22/01/2023 20:50

I’d also check out cost of living as the salary is likely double as the cost of living will be minimum double the north of England cost

Cantthinkofabettername · 22/01/2023 20:51

I’d definitely go - what an adventure for your son!

UmmmBopDeeDooWhop · 22/01/2023 20:51

Make sure you look seriously at the money. It's a really, really expensive country generally. Double what you earn here might sound like a good thing (and it will depend on what that is) but life is far more expensive.

It's not utopia. There's good things and bad things, same as everywhere. Yes, some children will have a great standard of living. But many don't (also the same as here). There are a lot of social problems in Australia.

People are always saying 'ohhh, you should do it, I would' but then follow it up with 'but I couldn't leave my mum/dog'.

It might be a great opportunity for a fresh start. The finances are the place to begin.

Original poster
sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:52

@Zanatdy I work in tech - I've been really lucky to get a decent salary - I've checked the Aus equivalent and it's more than enough for us to live well (even with rent and food being extortionate...)

OP posts:
OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 22/01/2023 20:52

I moved with my family many times when they were primary age. It was a big adventure for them, they knew it was temporary, and they had an amazing experience.

His dad being still in the UK makes it a lot more complex. Your son will miss his dad a lot and video calls aren’t as good. But if he can come and visit (do you get on well enough for this?) it would really help.

Hard decision but I think the positives out way the negatives. So long as you know it is fixed term and won’t try to extend your stay out there.

BotterMon · 22/01/2023 20:53

Absolutely go. Fantastic opportunity for you both and very short term.

terrichild · 22/01/2023 20:53

Go, what a great chance and experience. We took our theee children to America for three years with work and we all had the most fabulous time. Kids settle and education isn’t just about school. We came back (didn’t want to!) and kids soon back in the u.k,system but with memories they still talk about.

Lcb123 · 22/01/2023 20:54

I’d go if I were you. What an adventure- assuming the other parent is genuinely happy, as is your child

Bronzeisthecolour · 22/01/2023 20:54

Yes check salary first- cost of food and living is much higher so it won't feel like double. I wouldn't uproot at age 8 for few years- very different culture to slot into and schooling levels a year behind ours. Where in Oz?

Valentine35 · 22/01/2023 20:54

I'd say go too, I would if I could, just for the fact that it'll be a better life for you both, and I get the feeling nothing is keeping you here..go for it!! Grin

userxx · 22/01/2023 20:55

Go. Do it now!!

gogohmm · 22/01/2023 20:55

The salary may be nearly double but so is the cost of living there! Unless they are providing housing, education and healthcare, look very carefully at your likely costs.

Original poster
sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:56

Yes - we have a great (platonic) relationship. We've been split for over 6 years now and have found our rhythm. He would look at doing a month out there during his visit (part remote work part holiday) so to maximise the time. I've also said I wouldn't mind if he took my son home 'early' for the last 2-3 months (so as to have the English summer here before school starts). All I'm worried about is the upheaval for him but then also he's so young and having such a horrible time at school if it's framed as an adventure (learns to surf, rugby, cricket) then maybe it's a good thing?

Completely get the point on video calls. We'd schedule in regular calls (and probably post cards / old fashioned letters) but it's no replacement.

OP posts:
catandcoffee · 22/01/2023 20:57

Yes definitely go for it. It's possibly what you need, to get your life straightened out.

Longdarkcloud · 22/01/2023 20:58

Easier now than it would be later when your DS is older. You can keep him in touch with his DF electronically, too. If you don’t take this opportunity you’ll surely regret it.
Good luck

Backtothe90ties · 22/01/2023 21:00

I went to Australia for a year as a child - best experience ever. Definitely don’t hold back on that basis. Cost of living is much higher there though. Things like clothes, shoes etc are more expensive so you might not be lots better off but I still think it would be worth it. One thing to bare in mind is that it’s hard having friends on the other side of the world if you do come back!

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