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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To relocate to Australia?

189 replies

sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:39

I've been offered a role in my company in Australia (I'm in north east England now) - same company, nearly double what I'm on now. I've just come out of (or at least tried to - it's been hard) a difficult relationship with addiction involved. I'm utterly broken by it. I have a son whose other parent is 50/50 but has said he's happy for me to go for a fixed period (between 1-2 years). I've stayed in his home town since we split to allow easy co parenting but I never meant to stay here long term.

Can I leave? All I want to do is run away and the job offer and quality of life would be amazing but I'm not sure if it's fair on my son. Everything I've seen says children have a fantastic life there. The job move is fantastic and will set me up for a much better one when I come back.

OP posts:
floppybit · 22/01/2023 23:27

I would go in a heartbeat. Much more outdoors/sporty lifestyle for your son, I think the UK is a tough place to be a kid. You will kick yourself if you don't go!

Bryonny84 · 22/01/2023 23:33

I went to Australia back in the 80's and I had the chance to stay. I absolutely loved it but I had left a partner back home in the UK. I went back and it is the only regret I have had in my life. OP, do it. Go. I really doubt you'd regret it and so what if you did? You can come back if it doesn't work out. But it will. You'll love it and your son will love it. Please, please just take this opportunity and do it. I really wish you all the best for your future.

Bizzle123 · 22/01/2023 23:36

We have just moved to Oz (Queensland) for two years, primary school kids. We love it, they love it. The adventure and new experiences have been so positive for them. Changing school is always hard for kids but much easier at primary age and it teaches resilience and flexibility. They miss family but they know it’s only temporary. It’s a different situation for you when it’s the Dad though, it really depends on their relationship. If the Dad is supportive and will visit then that bodes well. If you’re unhappy and your kid is unhappy at school, what do you have to lose?

Notcreativeatall · 22/01/2023 23:59

We moved with an 8 year old- different situation as he really liked school in the uk and isn't particularly sporty so found it difficult to settle.
Points i would say are

  1. Check what school year he'll be in etc- DS found it hard as school was way behind what he was used to and primary school seems to be viewed as a mixture of play /work which he found boring
  2. I dont actually know many (any?) single parent families since we moved- may just be areas - but most of DS's friends have large families which can make integration hard
  3. I'm a relatively old mum (even in uk) but australia seems to be relatively young - which means that a lot of people my age are past the age of having school age children and DS's friends parents are younger - it is also incredibly cliquey
  4. a lot of private school are hard to get into- even if you have the money - there are waiting lists
  5. It may be easy to move your son now but as they get older it will be harder- we are facing resistence from DS to coming back and it is much harder to transplant a 12 year old
MeetPi · 23/01/2023 00:08

I would take this opportunity, OP. It'll be refreshing for you both. I live in Australia and my DH works for a company that brings in employees from England frequently. They are supported extensively - including spouses and children - and a good percentage don't wish to leave at the end of secondment.

caringcarer · 23/01/2023 00:12

Go for it but with all your extra money I'd offer to help ex partner to buy ticket to come to see D's and to put him up in Oz.

Mamaneedsadrink · 23/01/2023 00:22

What does your son think? He may not want to move back again. I had to change schools at 7 which was easy. 9 was very hard. 11 was even worse. I survived of course, but do resent my parents a bit for not thinking about me. It may be better as he'll be going back to family as for me it was the other way around

Johnisafckface · 23/01/2023 00:24

You should go. Your ex seems to be fine with it and it sounds like you need a change of scenery.

milkyaqua · 23/01/2023 01:01

It is also incredibly cliquey

I kind of doubt the whole of Australia is exactly like your experience of one particular small area.

WuTangGran · 23/01/2023 01:02

Seize the day! How often do you get a chance like this? Better to have the experience than live with regret if you don’t try.

BlueForgetMeNot · 23/01/2023 01:05

I would 100% do it!!! Kids are so adaptable. I've worked with children for over 20 years and people seem to under estimate on just how adaptable kids are. I think go for it! Such an incredible opportunity!!

Aldibag · 23/01/2023 01:18

maybe ask on PomsInOz? You may have to pay for public schooling, if you’re on a short term working visa. Don’t assume the public (national) schools will be free for you. But once you’ve done the maths, it’s a one day flight from the UK and it’s an English speaking country. The different states in Australia will be very different to each other, metro versus regional will be different, so don’t expect a ‘sunny Britain’.

mackthepony · 23/01/2023 01:21

Yes, get gone.

School fees covered too?

Absolutely

Flatandhappy · 23/01/2023 01:31

Definitely go. I live in Sydney and it a fantastic place for kids, most people I know who have lived in different places, been through different schooling systems and generally had wider life experiences than those who never travelled are resilient, curious and more sociable than those who did not (personal opinion so nobody has to agree with me). If your work will pay school fees it is definitely a win win as private schools tend to be more flexible about which school year a kid will fit into and more tolerant of school absence for overseas trips if for example your son’s dad wanted to take him away while he is here. Your experience of Sydney will be very different though depending on which area you choose so research carefully. We live North Shore so big houses, pools and lots of green space, Inner West will give you a much a more vibrant buzz, local pubs etc. Manly will give you beach access and probably a ferry trip to work. For a relatively short stay I would prioritise being close to the city over space. Good luck whatever you decide.

Aldibag · 23/01/2023 01:53

You will be a single parent. You won’t be a North Shore couple in a big house with a big pool and car. You’re transplanting a child and you’re looking at ‘wrap around care’. Research au pairs. Research three bedroom homes. Then consider whether you will have the infrastructure to leave DS when you go to Singapore or NZ. It’s not simply sand and surf.

madamepresident · 23/01/2023 02:07

Do it !

Aldibag · 23/01/2023 02:09

@madamepresident did you ever do it? Move a child to Sydney as a single parent?

comfyshoes2022 · 23/01/2023 02:36

I’m going to go against the grain here and say that I think it sounds difficult to move away (albeit temporarily) from your son’s father. If your son and he have a close relationship, which it sounds like they do, being apart for a year or two (minus two visits per year) seems like something I’d want to avoid.

echt · 23/01/2023 02:38

Aldibag · 23/01/2023 02:09

@madamepresident did you ever do it? Move a child to Sydney as a single parent?

You don't have to qualify to pass an opinion, otherwise the OP would be getting few to no replies.

Aldibag · 23/01/2023 02:40

You do have to give a reply, though, than a ‘brain fart’

echt · 23/01/2023 02:52

Lots of others have said do it and why. Maybe the poster doesn't want to keep repeating reasons.

shimmerbubbles · 23/01/2023 02:53

It's unfortunate that it has to be a fixed period. I have moved countries before for a fixed period (2 years, both English speaking countries, as a single female) and found that it took a full year to really settle, get comfortable with things that are different to the home country, navigate 'life admin' stuff, make some friends etc. Initially it feels like a holiday for a month or two, and then life and homesickness hits and it gets a bit hard. Then you come out the other side, and it's almost time to leave again.

The other thing I picked up in your post is feeling like you want to 'run away'. Believe me, I know that feeling well, but unfortunately most of the time your problems follow you. Same shit, different place.

Having said all that, I don't regret the move I did.

Just go into it with your eyes open.

ShippingNews · 23/01/2023 03:21

I'm in Australia and I'd say do it. Your son is going to change schools anyway, and Dad is going to visit , so why not ? It's a great place to live .

Aldibag · 23/01/2023 03:21

Singapore is a nine hour flight plus travel and checkins. New Zealand is a three hour flight plus travel and checkins.

If you are a single person with a primary school - aged child, you will need reliable care for the child. Many primary carers struggle to work a full time job (9-5) in their home town with primary school aged children, with a support network of friends and family.

OP, if you can easily organise your DS arrangements now and you feel like you could sometimes leave him to work in Tibet (flight time 9 hours from London), or Egypt (flight time 4 hours from London), when you know no one and he knows no one - and you can afford the maths of it - you should “Do it!”

There is another alternative which would be to leave DS with their other parent whilst you work this short period to set yourself up… it might be less risky overall, especially as we have agreed that Zoom works to maintain relationships across the globe.

ShippingNews · 23/01/2023 03:26

Re before and after school care - most schools ( state and private) have it at an affordable cost ( I paid about A$20 per day for before and after ).

Here is some info on what they offer - my kids loved it.

after school care