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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To relocate to Australia?

189 replies

sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:39

I've been offered a role in my company in Australia (I'm in north east England now) - same company, nearly double what I'm on now. I've just come out of (or at least tried to - it's been hard) a difficult relationship with addiction involved. I'm utterly broken by it. I have a son whose other parent is 50/50 but has said he's happy for me to go for a fixed period (between 1-2 years). I've stayed in his home town since we split to allow easy co parenting but I never meant to stay here long term.

Can I leave? All I want to do is run away and the job offer and quality of life would be amazing but I'm not sure if it's fair on my son. Everything I've seen says children have a fantastic life there. The job move is fantastic and will set me up for a much better one when I come back.

OP posts:
WoolyMammoth55 · 22/01/2023 21:00

In your shoes and with your ex happy to support this, I definitely would go.

It's the 'optimal' time to try this with your son - if not now then you'd be waiting a decade for the next chance.

Life is for living - go for it! And best of luck :)

Scarbsbeach · 22/01/2023 21:00

As an 8 year old my father was posted away for 2 years, so with my sibling my mum took us back to her home country. It was a challenge settling into a new school and culture, but we had so many opportunities we never would have otherwise. We did return to the UK and settled straight back in again a few years later. Go for it; it’s an upheaval, but so worth it. 👍

Bronzeisthecolour · 22/01/2023 21:00

Just be aware he would be so behind on lots of the sports bits and ahead of other bits. Also be realistic life is the same but difference place. It's a long way to take him away from everything he knows. We lived there for years- good but not better. Research the place you're going etc so it's not rise tinted glasses.

BitterGreen · 22/01/2023 21:01

Have you broached the subject with your son? It sounds like a fabulous opportunity and adventure might be just what you both need Flowers

IAmAlreadyRegrettingMyGreyColourScheme · 22/01/2023 21:02

I'd go 100% OP. I think it'll give your son such a wonderful experience & you might find his confidence soars. Your ex sounds really supportive too.

wendyoz · 22/01/2023 21:02

Make sure you consider the tuition fees (applicable even in state schools) if you are on a work visa. If it's feasible financially then given his age and ex being in I would go. It's a fantastic country for kids.

mrssunshinexxx · 22/01/2023 21:03

I'd 10000% go ( I lived there for a year when I was younger and it's our long term pla. To emigrate ) but I would go for the long haul

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 22/01/2023 21:03

I think do it (you can always look into making it more permanent if it’s going well).

MrsMorrisey · 22/01/2023 21:03

Where will you live?

User93993993 · 22/01/2023 21:05

I lived in Aus for about 9 years. We were always treated as immigrants. Our children were not invited to birthday parties or sleepovers, people were friendly but I never made friends. We were kept at arms length. Our children didn't have a fantastic life, they had a swimming pool but were bullied for being different. It wasn't an adventure, it was hugely stressful and it ultimately led to the end of my marriage.

If you need life to be different then change things here and now. Making a huge move overseas won't change your life unless you change. And you can do that anyway.

MermaidMummy06 · 22/01/2023 21:08

It's not that much more expensive here in Australia than UK. Some things are cheaper because we don't have to import much. Sometimes I am shocked by costs posted on mumsnet.

Honestly, come on down. I would, genuinely, jump at the opportunity to take my DC overseas for a year. Opening up their horizons so they see the world through more than a screen.

Our school year starts today. So it runs jan-dec.

Original poster
sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 21:12

Sydney (very expensive I know..). They will cover school fees. My son is obsessed with sport - rugby / football (not so big out there I know ) / cricket. I've no family ties keeping me here. It's just his dad

OP posts:
Mapletreelane · 22/01/2023 21:13

I've currently got friends and family living / visiting Australia and they all love it!

I always wanted to live abroad with the kids, and DH job had so many opportunities to live abroad , but he was always too much of a homebird to give it a go.

I'd give it a go if I were you. You can always come back if it doesn't work out. Sounds an excellent opportunity.

Thesonglastslonger · 22/01/2023 21:13

I think you and your son would have a much nicer life over there, but I don’t think you should go unless you have the option of staying permanently. A year or two will pass very quickly. What’s likely is that you and your son will love it out there, make friends, settle in school and job etc.

I don’t think you’ll want to come back, so, plan for that. Possibly your partner wouldn’t mind I dunno. (If he gives you permission to go and Australia becomes your child’s home I don’t actually think he can insist you return).

Undertheoldlindentree · 22/01/2023 21:15

WoolyMammoth55 · 22/01/2023 21:00

In your shoes and with your ex happy to support this, I definitely would go.

It's the 'optimal' time to try this with your son - if not now then you'd be waiting a decade for the next chance.

Life is for living - go for it! And best of luck :)

Exactly this!

MetalFences · 22/01/2023 21:16

It's not that much more expensive here in Australia than UK.
Bollocks. Of course it is. Absolutely everything, apart from maybe petrol and meat is more expensive.

From the big things like housing to the small things like ibuprofen.

It sounds like the OP has a great and well paid opportunity here but it isn't true to say the cost of living is similar.

MrsMorrisey · 22/01/2023 21:18

To be honest I wouldn't worry about things being expensive because you said you can cover it but the fact is everywhere is expensive now.
Unless you move to a third world country.
Personally, I would do it.
You'll never know unless you try.
Anywhere you go in Australia you'll find lovely scenery and nice people.
Come up to the north coast, it's really good up here.
Do you have a location in Sydney? Will you work in the city?
If you do it'll be cool to get an apartment close to the city and then you'll have access to loads of stuff.

MrsMorrisey · 22/01/2023 21:21

Touch footy is very big in NSW.
Soccer is the fastest growing sport and cricket is very popular as well.
If you get into a club your son will have instant friends.
You've missed the cricket season but touch footy and rugby start around April and soccer about May.

Dandydendy · 22/01/2023 21:41

I would do it, it will be a great experience for both of you. I would research Sydney well before you go.
Schools fees vary wildly and private schools can be hard to get into. How much is your employer willing to pay per year for education? Private Anglican and Catholic boys schools in my area seem to do a lot of sport particularly Rugby. Where I live in Sydney children come and go from schools frequently so families and kids are used to this so he shouldn't have problems making friends.
Remember you will need a school with before and after school and holiday care and as a non resident you will have to pay full fees without government rebates so I would check this out as well.
Building a social life can also be hard as a single parent as you will always need a baby sitter.
If you need any specific advice about life in Sydney l may be able to help so feel free to ask.

TheSandgroper · 22/01/2023 21:41

Under no circumstances come to a city in Australia unless your contract says your employer will find you accommodation. All over the country, 150 people or more are turning up to view each open house to apply for rentals. 0.6% vacancy rate here, the lowest since records began.

IYKYK · 22/01/2023 21:43

1000% go! If it's rubbish, you can so easily come back. Lots of people 'ping pong' back and forth, and whilst yes a bit of admin involved, it's very doable.

Like the previous poster said it's worth getting your employer to set you up with accomm for a number of months given the current shortage

sausage767 · 22/01/2023 21:58

MetalFences · 22/01/2023 21:16

It's not that much more expensive here in Australia than UK.
Bollocks. Of course it is. Absolutely everything, apart from maybe petrol and meat is more expensive.

From the big things like housing to the small things like ibuprofen.

It sounds like the OP has a great and well paid opportunity here but it isn't true to say the cost of living is similar.

Well our electricity and utilities aren’t as expensive. And TV is free!

I travel to the UK regularly as have close relative there, and I’m always confused by claims things are so much cheaper there.

They are cheaper, but certainly not half the price when you factor in the exchange rate.

Rafferty10 · 22/01/2023 22:01

Go and have a fresh start it will be a great experience for your son too

User93993993 · 22/01/2023 22:02

Crap tv is free but you have to pay for anything else, and our utilities were way more expensive, despite having solar electricity and hot water.

harrassedmumto3 · 22/01/2023 22:03

What an incredible opportunity. Grab it with both hands!