Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To relocate to Australia?

189 replies

sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:39

I've been offered a role in my company in Australia (I'm in north east England now) - same company, nearly double what I'm on now. I've just come out of (or at least tried to - it's been hard) a difficult relationship with addiction involved. I'm utterly broken by it. I have a son whose other parent is 50/50 but has said he's happy for me to go for a fixed period (between 1-2 years). I've stayed in his home town since we split to allow easy co parenting but I never meant to stay here long term.

Can I leave? All I want to do is run away and the job offer and quality of life would be amazing but I'm not sure if it's fair on my son. Everything I've seen says children have a fantastic life there. The job move is fantastic and will set me up for a much better one when I come back.

OP posts:
spottygymbag · 23/01/2023 03:46

Sydney is massive so look closely at where your office would be, what area you would be looking at renting in, the schools, public transport etc.
Public transport is great in some areas and non existent in others!

We moved here as DH was offered a job (also in tech) and the career growth and financial impact has been great for both of us.
At our DC school there are a lot of international kids and it's celebrated and seen as an opportunity for all of them to learn about different countries and cultures etc.
Check if the company will cover family health insurance, any relocation expenses, and consider if there is any training that can be completed while here that would make you more valuable when/if you go back.

Also look up realestate.com.au and domain.com.au These are two main portals for rentals so you can have a look by area/price etc. and create your profile before you go. Check with your new boss if they would be a reference for your rental as it's often needed for vetting etc, and see if you can get anyone to write some character references for you before you leave to add to your profile. And the golden rule- make sure it has air conditioning!!!

LadyJ2023 · 23/01/2023 03:58

Sorry are you actually considering moving country and putting a job career over your son....Maybe you need to work on your bond with your son as it can't be that strong if you would even consider this idea. Feel heart sorry for him broken home, hard school bless him, I hardly think money is going to help him!!

Appleblum · 23/01/2023 04:08

I think I would go... your son is 8 so not in any of the crucial exam years and I wouldn't be very worried about the academic side of things. There isn't a language barrier and he's still at the age where they make friends relatively easily.

Do you think you'll have plenty of time to spend with him there, to help him settle in? If you can make sure of that then I think it could be a very positive experience for both of you. However sometimes with new jobs you need to really plunge yourself in the beginning and I'm worried that you won't have the time nor energy to be there for your son in a wholly new environment.

Is there a colleague over in Australia you can speak to about his experience with moving?

Frozensun · 23/01/2023 04:26

Go for it! It’s a great experience for your boy. You can keep connection to dad via zoom etc and as you say dad will holiday during that time. I really believe that it won’t adversely affect the relationship, particularly if you co-parent well together. I think it’s an opportunity for him (as well as you) that you all wouldn’t regret.

ImustLearn2Cook · 23/01/2023 04:27

@sadandconfused23 Before you commit to moving here to Australia make sure that you can secure housing.

If you can buy a property you’ll be ok.

But right now there is a huge rental crisis. It doesn’t matter how much you are willing to pay. It’s not just about affordability, there is a massive shortage of housing for the demand.

Many people are unable to successfully rent a property, especially if you have children. That includes people offering to pay more than what the advertised property is asking for.

Read the news article link I am posting. It is accurately describing the situation here.

I’m not in Sydney, I live in another city in Australia and the rental crisis is everywhere.

I even offered 6 months rent in advance and still haven’t been successful. I’m running out of time before I have to couch surf.

It is dire. Though I still have hope.

www.news.com.au/finance/real-estate/renting/sydney-couple-earning-240k-reveal-struggle-to-find-a-rental/news-story/d35e24347b20b6c9d581159bbdc4d1c5?amp

TheAustralian · 23/01/2023 04:30

sadandconfused23 · 22/01/2023 20:39

I've been offered a role in my company in Australia (I'm in north east England now) - same company, nearly double what I'm on now. I've just come out of (or at least tried to - it's been hard) a difficult relationship with addiction involved. I'm utterly broken by it. I have a son whose other parent is 50/50 but has said he's happy for me to go for a fixed period (between 1-2 years). I've stayed in his home town since we split to allow easy co parenting but I never meant to stay here long term.

Can I leave? All I want to do is run away and the job offer and quality of life would be amazing but I'm not sure if it's fair on my son. Everything I've seen says children have a fantastic life there. The job move is fantastic and will set me up for a much better one when I come back.

100% do it.

it’s an experience he will never forget. He will have stories that will blown the other kids minds.

how many of his friends can say they’ve opened their front door and there’s a roo or koala just chillaxing on the front lawn or they’ve been woken at sparrow fart by an owl hooting in the trees outside his house or woken by a very loud kookaburra.

He will get to say “mum let’s go. It’s almost dusk and we need to get home before the Roos come out.
he will see echidnas strutting across the road oblivious to the danger.

your son will get a thong tan (so Australian)
learn a whole new culture and experience things we would normally only read about in books.

I live rural Australia. I see them on the front lawn a lot especially in summer, big grey scary looking things they are. I see them every single day when I’m driving to work either on the side of the road or standing in the centre of the road watching the traffic crawl past them.

Notcreativeatall · 23/01/2023 04:42

TheAustralian · 23/01/2023 04:30

100% do it.

it’s an experience he will never forget. He will have stories that will blown the other kids minds.

how many of his friends can say they’ve opened their front door and there’s a roo or koala just chillaxing on the front lawn or they’ve been woken at sparrow fart by an owl hooting in the trees outside his house or woken by a very loud kookaburra.

He will get to say “mum let’s go. It’s almost dusk and we need to get home before the Roos come out.
he will see echidnas strutting across the road oblivious to the danger.

your son will get a thong tan (so Australian)
learn a whole new culture and experience things we would normally only read about in books.

I live rural Australia. I see them on the front lawn a lot especially in summer, big grey scary looking things they are. I see them every single day when I’m driving to work either on the side of the road or standing in the centre of the road watching the traffic crawl past them.

Not in Sydney! ive never seen a Koala - seen wallabies/kangaroos but only going into some of the national /state parks- its very different to rural australia! We've seen Echidnas a couple of times and snakes once . We do see spiders - and cockroaches!

Cate0101 · 23/01/2023 04:49

Definitely come to Australia. Your son would quickly make friends. It's a friendly country with great weather. Lots of opportunities.

HungryandIknowit · 23/01/2023 04:54

If it works expenses-wise I would go for it! But I would wear a hat - Australia has some of the highest skin cancer rates in the world.

magicthree · 23/01/2023 05:06

Another one who thinks you should go for it OP. It could be just what you and your son need.

BumbleShyBee · 23/01/2023 05:17

Come. I live in Sydney and work in tech - we've just moved here from years living in the Uk and Asia. Sydney is good fun and very welcoming. What a great adventure for you and your son. Such an opportunity may not arise again, why wouldn't you go!!

Ensure you get covered for tax advice as part of your relocation package 😉

lborgia · 23/01/2023 05:24

If you know which area you want to rent in, find the revelation fb mums page. Meanwhile, you can ask them to get your a relocation manager/ company, they can do all the hard work on finding the flat.

The fact that they'll pay school fees is excellent, although not necessity. If they'd do that, and you don't need it, or end up paying the public school fee for a visa family, maybe they'd give you money towards more flights? Given private schools can be £15-20k a year, that's a lot to play with.

Given that you've both had a rough time, this could be exactly the bonding experience you need.

Be warned though. The kinds of area you'll be looking at, the unexpected costs really pile up.

There are hardly any "free" GPs left, which means you'll be paying £15-20 a visit to cover the gap, every time you need to see any kind of consultant it will be £150 after rebates, you need to make sure they include health insurance as without it, as a temporary visitor you'll be stuffed.

I understand that not everyone needs health services all the time, but dental, optician, all predicated on having health insurance. Most has 3 months - 12 months waiting before they'll cover half the things.

Meanwhile, whilst being incredibly general, it's not uncommon to spend £30-£50 a week for petrol, and you won't get a coffee, smoothie, and a couple of snacks for less than £15-20 in many parts of Sydney.

Unless you're planning to Aldi/Lidless your groceries, they are extremely expensive - depending on the food you like.. I'd say a "normal" shop for 1 adult and a hungry child might be - £80-100 a week. I'm assuming you'll be working a lot, and not have time for picking reduced stuff at all times etc.

Anyway, having said all that, and despite the fact that I'd rather not be here, I'd say go for it.

Good luck!

FlindersKeepers · 23/01/2023 05:32

I'm flying back to Europe from Australia on Thursday and know I will cry on the plane.
Check what the entire package is (relocation, shipping/storage, visa fees, top-up health care, use of a car when you arrive, insurance, pension/super, school fees, vacation time, home office etc), but this could be a fantastic opportunity for both of you.
But I've lived outside of the UK for nearly 23 years and am unlikely to ever live there again, so my ties are different.

Wallywobbles · 23/01/2023 06:00

Go. Life changing opportunity and the people who count want it to work. That's all that matters.

Fudgeandcaramel · 23/01/2023 06:06

your son is an important variable in this. What’s he like? How does he cope with change? Is he ok with you being in a different country while a nanny stays with him? How does he feel about being away from his dad?

also - is his dad the one with addiction problems?

UnexpectedCircumstances · 23/01/2023 06:20

Have you ever been to Australia before?

I ask as I work at an international company, where I deal with our team in Sydney alot. I got the chance to go out there for a short business trip recently, and tagged a few weeks annual leave on to make it an extended holiday over Christmas and New Year. I was really excited...And once I got there, it was a bit of a shock to find that I hated it! The team are great and I would have strongly considered a transfer if the opportunity had arisen, prior to my visit...But I wouldn't move there for all of the tea in China now.

I am fairly well travelled, and wasn't expecting it to be 'England with sunshine', but I'd make sure you at least go out for a holiday to visit before you move yout life there! I am quite arty (and Australia is a cultural desert), so that didn't help, but everyone of my friends/ colleagues who have also been and have asked me since I got back 'How was Sydney?' has replied 'I didn't think much of it either!' when I said that I didn't really like it!

Shouldbesleeping1 · 23/01/2023 06:40

Do it! What a brilliant experience for your kid.

Kingstonmumof1 · 23/01/2023 06:42

I think if you have the need for childcare for international travel, I'd try and figure out a solution for that before making a decision. I have family and friends in different places and childcare/school holiday care seems a lot harder to find than in the UK. Much more of it is grandparents/family helping out so less need for clubs. I'm not sure of the situation with babysitters/part time nannies but cleaners are harder to come by and much more expensive.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 23/01/2023 07:06

It sounds like you and your son both need a fresh start. This opportunity sounds perfect. At 7, we went to the Netherlands for a year; at 9 to the US. Both were great adventures that I remember only positively.

However

-my parents were still together and we all went together.

  • the Netherlands is not far away, and lots of friends and family visited
  • we stopped travelling by the time I started secondary school - due to DDad ill health, rather than concern for education.

But - there were no video calls etc in those days.

DBro has been in Aus for 14 years. He is currently on his way back to the uk permanently due to heat and COL there.

sadandconfused23 · 23/01/2023 07:58

Thank you so much for all the replies, from both sides:

In answer to some of the questions:

  • I've been to australia with work before so not going completely blind. I've been with the company a while so know the work life balance really well
  • I've offered to pay for one flight out a year for his dad
  • I'm 29, so a relatively young parent
  • it was not his dad with addiction problems, but a partner since then. I've posted about him on here before
  • package includes Medicare, super on top of salary, relocation (which maybe looking at the comments here will go on airbnb for a few months) and tax advice
  • I honestly don't know how my son would react to this. I think if it, like anything, was shown to him as an adventure he'd be excited. He's asked me all year to move schools so this could be wrapped into that. He's very active and sporty but struggles to make good friendships, maybe a fresh start a bit older will help him do that. Or maybe it will unsettle him Sad

I go through moments of thinking it's the best opportunity ever and then terrified to move away from everything I've known. In an absolute emergency, I have savings to come back if it doesn't work out

Will look at all the links and advice given today

OP posts:
Hop27 · 23/01/2023 08:19

Brit in Australia here 👋🏻
An amazing opportunity, few things to think about.
Serviced apartments / airBnB are still in high demand and will be nuts over school holidays!
The rental market is horrendous, especially in Sydney considering you'll need to be particular with location near work and school - consider if your work will support you to find somewhere or pay for you to stay in a serviced apartment for 6 weeks. We did this when we came out.
It's even tougher if you need fully furnished.
Football & rugby season starts now (pre-season) so he might not get into a club this year but he might get those as school options.
If you are a high earner you'll need private health. Ask work to cover it, if not you'll face a tax bill. Medicare doesn't cover you for everything and you'll still need to pay at most places to see a GP, it should be free for your DS.
You'll lose most of your super to tax when you take it out of the country. So if your on $100K over 2 years you might be lucky if you get $5k.
Make sure you get BC flights, one to make the flight manageable. But for the luggage allowance or make sure your package covers shipping. 32kg goes quickly when you need clothes for 4 seasons and toys / personal effects.
Sea freight from the UK take 8-12 weeks.
Remember, life in Aus is very similar to here. We still all have a commute, work long hours and Sydney is very seasonal. It's cold and dark in winter!!!
Offering to pay for flights but if he wants to come during holidays your looking at $3k ish to budget for!
But if this is the change you need go for it!

Dustyblue · 23/01/2023 08:28

Another Australian here. That sounds like a decent relocation package:

Medicare: Tick, this is hugely important.
Super on top of salary: Tick, although that's the law here, all employers have to do it. What percentage of salary?
Local tax advice: Tick, is that a provider already used by your employer? They might also do local financial advice if req'd.
Relocation: No tick- that needs to be firmed up ASAP.

Please DO NOT accept having to find your own accommodation in Sydney in your new contract. No way. Please go hard on that one. It's dire everywhere and Sydney would be amongst the worst spots for rentals. Doesn't matter how much you earn anymore.

As for your DS- I tend to agree that if he can keep up contact with his Dad, this could be a fabulous experience for him. But only you can predict how that may or may not play out.

Best of luck for a peaceful decision, but think I'd do it X

LakeTiticaca · 23/01/2023 08:36

This is way too good an opportunity to miss. If I was in your shoes I would grab it with both hands.
Do it!!!!

Dustyblue · 23/01/2023 08:36

@Hop27

Great practical points there! I didn't know Brits are taxed on their super when they leave.

If you've got Medicare, you don't really need private health insurance- unless as you say you're a high earner and may be hit with a tax offset. More reason to get local advice.

TheAustralian · 23/01/2023 08:38

Notcreativeatall · 23/01/2023 04:42

Not in Sydney! ive never seen a Koala - seen wallabies/kangaroos but only going into some of the national /state parks- its very different to rural australia! We've seen Echidnas a couple of times and snakes once . We do see spiders - and cockroaches!

Have you been to the Grampians? Roos and koalas galore and the cockatoos will eat from your hand