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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DD (13) watch Love Island

227 replies

ChocolatewithWine · 22/01/2023 19:00

She keeps asking to watch it, she kept asking last year as well. DH thinks she’s ok to watch it but I disagree, AIBU? I’ve never watched it so don’t know what it’s like really. I just think that 13 is a bit young for something like Love Island, this is only based on the little that I know about it though.

OP posts:
LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 22:47

Redbushteaforme · 22/01/2023 22:42

She is 13, most likely hears about peers giving blowjobs at school, why would anything go over her head? 13, not 3

Good grief. What sort of school do your DC go to? If 13 year olds at their school are really talking about this or doing this, there could well be safeguarding issues. I don't think this is familiar to most 13 year olds, nor should it be.

You don’t think the concept of a blowjob is familiar to most 13 year olds?

50% of 11-13 year olds have seen porn. 50%

Most will have seen a blowjob, let alone discussed one

Redbushteaforme · 22/01/2023 22:50

You don’t think the concept of a blowjob is familiar to most 13 year olds?
50% of 11-13 year olds have seen porn. 50%
Most will have seen a blowjob, let alone discussed one

If that's the case (which I doubt from my own experience) we should be very ashamed as a society that we are not looking after our children properly, and we should certainly not be normalising bad behaviour by watching Love Island with them.

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 22:51

Redbushteaforme · 22/01/2023 22:50

You don’t think the concept of a blowjob is familiar to most 13 year olds?
50% of 11-13 year olds have seen porn. 50%
Most will have seen a blowjob, let alone discussed one

If that's the case (which I doubt from my own experience) we should be very ashamed as a society that we are not looking after our children properly, and we should certainly not be normalising bad behaviour by watching Love Island with them.

It’s not a case of ‘if’ those are the stats.

And it’s not normalising bad behaviour, unless you think oral sex is ‘bad’?

Id rather a teen understand consent than think normal sexual practices are ‘bad’

Hoppymclimpy · 22/01/2023 22:54

megletthesecond · 22/01/2023 19:19

It's a good opener for chats about unhealthy relationships and fake body image.

This 100% I watch it with my DD. Personally I think its utter shite but DD and I have had lots of chats about body image/cosmetic surgery/ healthy relationships and what they should look like.
Do I want to sit through an hour of it at night? Not really.....but all her mates watch it so 'banning' it makes it take on some sort of power and its genuinely produced some really interesting conversations for us x

Busybutbored · 23/01/2023 00:27

Redbushteaforme · 22/01/2023 22:42

She is 13, most likely hears about peers giving blowjobs at school, why would anything go over her head? 13, not 3

Good grief. What sort of school do your DC go to? If 13 year olds at their school are really talking about this or doing this, there could well be safeguarding issues. I don't think this is familiar to most 13 year olds, nor should it be.

We definitely knew about them, but it wasn't normal for us to be giving them. I can't help but thinking watching a show like this makes it all seem ok, fake body image, sleeping around etc. But like the idea that other posters have said about watching it with DD and pointing out why these aren't great things to want to aspire to and/or are problematic. I know I'd want my DD to have a bit more worth and self respect than most of the girls/women on the show

Johnisafckface · 23/01/2023 00:32

I was watching worse at that age. I think 13/14 is fine. I wouldve let my dd watch it at that age. We both watch it now, it’s our guilty pleasure 😂

madeyemoody · 23/01/2023 00:41

@LottoLaura well that's my interpretation isn't it?! Regardless of you whether you think it's inaccurate or not doesn't matter...it's my own interpretation. Grown women who don't see it as a toxic misogynistic pile of shit will always be the problem...in my opinion.

madeyemoody · 23/01/2023 00:42

@Flapjackquack bore off...it's 100% from TikTok and you know it is. Great contribution to the thread though..😒

bumblefeline · 23/01/2023 00:50

Love Island is very tame these days. I watched the earlier seasons with my dd 21 which were worse I think, now I watch it with my youngest who is 16. It's a bit of light relief at the end of the day.

Much worse on TikTok, and if your child has unlimited access to the internet, much, much worse.

PurpleWisteria1 · 23/01/2023 00:55

PicklesAndTequila · 22/01/2023 20:22

Same, and The Word.

Show quote history

At 13? Bloody hell, how? I watched that at 17/18 and was pretty shocked by it even then!
I want allowed a tv in my room until 17 and neither were any of my friends!

PurpleWisteria1 · 23/01/2023 01:01

LottoLaura · 22/01/2023 22:51

It’s not a case of ‘if’ those are the stats.

And it’s not normalising bad behaviour, unless you think oral sex is ‘bad’?

Id rather a teen understand consent than think normal sexual practices are ‘bad’

Show quote history

But they are bad for a 13 year old.
13 year olds should not be hearing about blow jobs. They should not be seeing or hearing details of adults sexual encounters. I don’t care how much percent of the population have watched porn- that’s a huge failure on all of us adults. Gossip amongst friends possibly but adults discussing sex acts, no. I don’t care how much of it goes on- it’s not right.
And yes, I have a 13 year old daughter.

Ottil · 23/01/2023 02:13

PurpleWisteria1 · 23/01/2023 01:01

But they are bad for a 13 year old.
13 year olds should not be hearing about blow jobs. They should not be seeing or hearing details of adults sexual encounters. I don’t care how much percent of the population have watched porn- that’s a huge failure on all of us adults. Gossip amongst friends possibly but adults discussing sex acts, no. I don’t care how much of it goes on- it’s not right.
And yes, I have a 13 year old daughter.

Show quote history

I'm inclined to agree.

With every generation, there is peer-level discussion and so on. That's normal.

Most will have seen a blowjob, let alone discussed one

Not in my experience.

The blasé, 'fuck off Mary Whitehouse, they all watch porn these days' POV that are rife on these threads is an another thing entirely and makes me quite angry.

It's not something that I experience in real life with actual parents of 13 year olds, thank God, and any explicit convos like this in school are usually referred to a safeguarding member of staff.

There are posters who like to sneer at other posters for expressing concern that 13 year olds are watching porn. It is NOT normal and it is NOT right. Pornography should not be the gateway for young teens into sexual relationships. They deserve more than that, and they deserve people around them who give a shit about how their understanding of sexuality and relationships develops.

ShakkaKhant · 23/01/2023 02:41

Ottil · 23/01/2023 02:13

I'm inclined to agree.

With every generation, there is peer-level discussion and so on. That's normal.

Most will have seen a blowjob, let alone discussed one

Not in my experience.

The blasé, 'fuck off Mary Whitehouse, they all watch porn these days' POV that are rife on these threads is an another thing entirely and makes me quite angry.

It's not something that I experience in real life with actual parents of 13 year olds, thank God, and any explicit convos like this in school are usually referred to a safeguarding member of staff.

There are posters who like to sneer at other posters for expressing concern that 13 year olds are watching porn. It is NOT normal and it is NOT right. Pornography should not be the gateway for young teens into sexual relationships. They deserve more than that, and they deserve people around them who give a shit about how their understanding of sexuality and relationships develops.

Show quote history

Agree, in my school as well. The normalisation of 13 year olds watching and discussing porn is a disgrace.

The apologists for it are fucking creeps. Children DO deserve more than this. It's one of the roots of toxic masculinity and the passive 'wellll...they all watch porn now, so whatevvveer' makes me sick.

PurpleWisteria1 · 23/01/2023 08:03

Ottil · 23/01/2023 02:13

I'm inclined to agree.

With every generation, there is peer-level discussion and so on. That's normal.

Most will have seen a blowjob, let alone discussed one

Not in my experience.

The blasé, 'fuck off Mary Whitehouse, they all watch porn these days' POV that are rife on these threads is an another thing entirely and makes me quite angry.

It's not something that I experience in real life with actual parents of 13 year olds, thank God, and any explicit convos like this in school are usually referred to a safeguarding member of staff.

There are posters who like to sneer at other posters for expressing concern that 13 year olds are watching porn. It is NOT normal and it is NOT right. Pornography should not be the gateway for young teens into sexual relationships. They deserve more than that, and they deserve people around them who give a shit about how their understanding of sexuality and relationships develops.

Show quote history

Absolutely.
There are ways and means of not having your child exposed to this on their own tech. I know because I have set it all up myself for my teen.
If every parent did this for their 10-16 year old then there would be nothing to show from others phones either. That would at least cut down the risk of exposing young pre-teens / teens to porn.
Programmes like love island feed into the whole sorry mess. It’s just so sad that parents are faced with oh well better let them watch it because they will see it anyway.

Flapjackquack · 23/01/2023 08:04

@madeyemoody - it’s really not, some of us are old enough to remember a time before TikTok. You seem very angry though so I’ll leave you be. I’m sorry my contributions to this thread are not deemed worthy enough by you.

QueSyrahSyrah · 23/01/2023 08:17

madeyemoody · 23/01/2023 00:42

@Flapjackquack bore off...it's 100% from TikTok and you know it is. Great contribution to the thread though..😒

I had to scroll back through to find what you were suggesting is from TikTok. You mean the 'tell me' thing?

I can confirm that that joke / trope long pre-dates TikTok. HTH.

RufustheFloralmissingreindeer · 23/01/2023 08:27

Dd is now 21 and wasn’t allowed to watch it til about 16 probably, but from what ive read that was about the time they were filmed having sex and its calmed down since then

she told me all her friends watched it but that was obviously a fib

when she is home watching at i do talk about what’s happening on the screen, there was one bit where the young man was going in for a massive snogging session but the lass didnt seem keen at all and i did say that to dd….apparently i ruin everything she watches 😀

SleeplessInEngland · 23/01/2023 08:35

It’s crap but 13 is quite old to deny permission for this kind of thing. For better or worse it’s pretty mainstream.

Hmm11 · 23/01/2023 08:45

@LottoLaura ’s not a regular mum, she’s a cool mum.

Fucking hell, it’s not granny or Mary Whitehouse to have concerns about such a vacuous and unhealthy show. There are sooo many problems with it aside from anything sexual.

That being said, as long as you are open and discuss things with your dd OP, I would let her watch it. I was probably watching the equivalent at that age but have a mum who would have been telling me exactly why it was a load of shite. The girls I feel sorry for are the ones who’s mums actually enjoy the show and partake in the whole lip filler, bitchy, fake insta culture it promotes.

Inastatus · 23/01/2023 09:00

So those who would ban their DC from watching it altogether would rather they sneakily watch it on their phone/hear all about it from their friends or via the internet/YouTube etc? Several posters have mentioned that their DD’s are ‘obsessed’ with it but are not allowed to watch it. Surely it’s much better to accept that it’s out there and talk about it. Banning it altogether feeds the obsession and leaves no room for discussion.

I can understand not wanting to watch it every night but maybe a compromise could be to just watch the Saturday night ‘highlights’ episode which is a round-up of the week plus some unseen bits.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/01/2023 09:14

BritainsGotTalons · 22/01/2023 19:59

May as well give up then. 🙄

I suppose if my kids had ever wanted to watch it as young teens, I’d have watched it with them and discussed issues as they happened so that’s what I’d do in OPs position. At least then she can talk about it at school to fit in, if that’s the issue, but you can try to ensure she knows the show is full of superficial crap and she should value herself more. It’s a lesson in things to avoid in life. If she’s hanging around with kids that are impressed with the people in the show, I’d want to put a more sensible take on it.

Show quote history

Exactly what I said upthread. I made an observation, nothing more however my comments have been interpreted here.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/01/2023 09:19

Icedlatteplease · 22/01/2023 21:35

I've destroyed a few shows for DD17 by watching them with her whilst making a critical commentary over the top. Sometimes its feminist commentary Sometimes it pointing out all the evidence that the show is a fix.

I consider the destruction of Ru pauls drag race a particular success

Very well done! 👌I also annoy 14 yo dd with feminist talk. But it goes in…

Flapjackquack · 23/01/2023 09:29

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/01/2023 09:19

Very well done! 👌I also annoy 14 yo dd with feminist talk. But it goes in…

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My MIL (who rocks) used to give DH a feminist perspective on story books they read at bedtime when he was a child. It definitely worked. I will be continuing this tradition with DS.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/01/2023 09:39

Ottil · 23/01/2023 02:13

I'm inclined to agree.

With every generation, there is peer-level discussion and so on. That's normal.

Most will have seen a blowjob, let alone discussed one

Not in my experience.

The blasé, 'fuck off Mary Whitehouse, they all watch porn these days' POV that are rife on these threads is an another thing entirely and makes me quite angry.

It's not something that I experience in real life with actual parents of 13 year olds, thank God, and any explicit convos like this in school are usually referred to a safeguarding member of staff.

There are posters who like to sneer at other posters for expressing concern that 13 year olds are watching porn. It is NOT normal and it is NOT right. Pornography should not be the gateway for young teens into sexual relationships. They deserve more than that, and they deserve people around them who give a shit about how their understanding of sexuality and relationships develops.

Show quote history

I agree they should not be accessing porn and we parents must do whatever we can to protect our children. However we also can’t pretend it isn’t happening. I know 3 of my DD’s friends watched highly inappropriate material on Omegle age 11/12 because dd told me after the event. The horrible thing is it was in my (large) garden. Dd told me she was not interested and on the trampoline with another friend whilst the other 3 were on the app. I could see the girls from the kitchen but had no idea what they were doing. For me they were just facing away from me chatting. Dd also said they showed her people doing ‘weird’ things another day, which she ignored. That doesn’t make dd superior btw, just not curious. She was 11.

xogossipgirlxo · 23/01/2023 09:46

YANBU. My dad never allowed us to watch big brother and all these kind of shows. Sister and I were fine. There's much more interesting stuff to do while you're 13, than watching some abysmal show.