To not let DD (13) watch Love Island

[ChocolatewithWine]

She keeps asking to watch it, she kept asking last year as well. DH thinks she’s ok to watch it but I disagree, AIBU? I’ve never watched it so don’t know what it’s like really. I just think that 13 is a bit young for something like Love Island, this is only based on the little that I know about it though.

And it’s not normalising bad behaviour, unless you think oral sex is ‘bad’?
Id rather a teen understand consent than think normal sexual practices are ‘bad’

It's not a case of whether it is good or bad. It's a case of whether it is appropriate for 13 year olds to know about it or being doing it.

16 is still the age of legal consent in this country and there are good reasons for that ie to safeguard children who are too young for this physically and emotionally.

I am actually fed up to the back teeth of "cool mums" who spout some of the rubbish that has appeared on this thread. You don't have to be a pearl-clutching Mary Whitehouse type to think that children (yes, 13 year olds are children) should not be exposed to this kind of thing at this age or encouraged to think it is normal. Same goes for thinking it is OK for 13 year olds to be watching pornography. In other circumstances, this sort of behaviour towards 13 year olds would actually be considered as grooming.

I am generally appalled that this distilled misogyny of a "programme" has become normalised viewing for the masses. I can only hope it has gone by the way side by the time my own daughter is a teenager.

Again, I don’t think anyone thinks it’s OK. It’s just acknowledging that parents have much less control over what their children are exposed to because of smart phones and the internet.

If your 13 yr old really wants to watch Love Island it’s really a choice between them watching it with a parent, giving the parent the chance to use it as an educational tool, or them watching it on their/a friend’s phone at which point the parent has no control over the narrative.

I don’t have a teenage girl and I don’t watch Love Island, but I can see which of those is the better option and which would have helped me as a teenage girl. I don’t think people are wanting to be “cool mums”, thinking your 13 yr old won’t see it because you said no, is naive.

I agree. I think it goes beyond 'cool mum' incidentally. I think it crosses into safeguarding territory.

The contributors sneering at other posters for not being chilled about 13 year olds watching porn and washing their hands of the issue because 'they're all at it' are a disgrace.

And then of course, within any group of 'all kids watch porn, it's fiiiiine' will be the adults who are actively grooming children by exposing them to pornography.

Creepy fuckers, the lot of them.

This is a comment about pornography, as discussed upthread, and not specifically Love Island.

It’s gross. It’s oh you know- my young teen is going to probably watch pornography because you know ‘internet and stuff’
No ffs. Be a parent. There are ways and means of putting your foot down with regards to their own tech, and ways of teaching them from an early age what is inappropriate.
My 13 year old doesn’t have safari or any way to access the unfiltered internet. Her phone gets shut off at bedtime. She doesn’t get to hang out with randoms for hours or wanders the streets. Any tik tok time is strictly Iimited. Netflix is 12+ only. Her phone is checked. She doesn’t have Instagram or Facebook.
Im sure stuff still gets through and she’s shown stuff by some friends but it’s cut down / minimised at least.
I just with other parents would do the same.

I’ve just had to look it up. Love Island is on at 9pm on ITV. Yes that famous pornography slot.

I didn’t grow up in the age of the internet. Social Media was only just becoming a big thing when I was around 15, but from experience the friends at university whose parents were the ones who tried to completely shield them from anything remotely adult (I don’t mean pornography), were the ones that went absolutely wild with sex, drink and drugs, totally naive to the dangers. Forewarned is forearmed. How is a 13yr old kept in the dark, even to things like Love Island, meant to have all the tools to face the world in 3-5yrs time.

Each to their own but my intention is to go for the guided exposure approach to things such as Love Island, or the equivalent in 10yrs time. You don’t have to agree but I think calling parents who chose a different method of parenting to you a disgrace is rather shitty.

You don’t have to agree but I think calling parents who chose a different method of parenting to you a disgrace is rather shitty

If this is aimed at me, I'll say it again. This isn't about 'a different method of parenting.' It's about being blasé about 13year olds watching pornography - NOT Love Island. I made that absolutely clear in my post, so don't wilfully conflate the two to fit your narrative.

Parents who turn a blind eye to children watching porn and claim it's cool because 'everyone does it' are a disgrace. So are the ones who basically can't be arsed to police it because internet.

Children watching pornography with their parents knowledge is a safeguarding red flag for a fucking reason.

It not about whether you let your kids eat non-organic strawberries ffs.

Parents who

@Ottil - can you please point to any post on here where a parent has said they are ok with their 13yr old watching pornography or have turned a blind eye to it. I’ll wait.

I have seen some posters acknowledging the sad fact that 50% of 13 yr olds have seen pornography so it’s a good idea to speak to them about healthily relationships and sex. But nowhere have I seen anyone be ok with it like you are trying to claim. You are creating froth over nothing to suit your narrative.

@Flapjackquack - I was thinking the same. No one on here has stated they are blasé about their child watching porn or that they think it’s cool ..

'I'll wait' 🙄

Do your own legwork. The posts are there for everyone to read - several posters have commented on them, so no, it's not my imaginary 'froth.'

I have seen some posters acknowledging the sad fact that 50% of 13 yr olds have seen pornography so it’s a good idea to speak to them about healthily relationships and sex

Yes. Obviously. That's exactly it. That's EXACTLY why me and other posters are calling out the passive, harmful, blind-eye attitudes on this thread.

Jesus.

No one has literally stated 'Porn is cool for kids!' so there's nothing too see here? Does it have to be THAT literal to be valid?

@Ottil - so no one has said it, and you won’t even point to where they alluded to it. I honestly have zero idea what you are talking about and I have read the whole thread.

It is a produced TV show edited to be provocative and to create conflict and drama. I would not have her watch it. From reading discussion forums, it is clear that many teens and young adults see what is happening on it as actual relationships, not realizing how edited it is. They then hate the people edited to be villains and feel hurt for those edited to be victims and it just seems like many of the discussions are really unhealthy about the show.

The show itself - if taken as a TV show - is what it is. A bunch of aesthetically obsessed and shallow young adults prancing around in almost nothing in a controlled and manufactured environment that is designed or portrayed to drive them to boredom and to disagreements and to hook up and to form bonds in a very short amount of time. For most who now get cast, their goal is brand deals and influencer stuff or future reality tv shows once out so they often act accordingly.

Whatever. If you literally have no idea about why me and other posters are talking about this as an issue, I cannot help you.

Op - do you know the premise of the show? They put a dozen or so singles in a small house together where they are filmed day and night for about 8 weeks. To stay in the house you have to be picked to 'couple up' at ceremonies that take place every few days. In between ceremonies, the couples share beds, hang out at the pool, talk, play games like Truth or Dare that usually involve kissing, bodies rubbing on each other, sexy dances, etc. There is nothing to do in the house other than a pool and a gym (no books, paper, games, electonics, etc) so they get very bored and cranky. Every so often a 'bombshell' is brought in to tempt the men or women to leave their current couple and recouple with them. They also at one point separate the men and women and bring in all new singles to again try to break up the couples. Every few days, they also send a couple to the Hideaway where they give them lingerie and chocolate covered strawberries and sex toys to try to heat up their relationship. There are usually a few pairs that stay together start to finish and the rest continually change partners throughout the show - this is where all the fighting and drama comes from.

Right I’ve re-read the whole thread @Ottil because I really was at a loss as to what you were talking about.

I can see one post where a poster says (paraphrasing here) that given 50% of 13 yr olds have seen a blowjob, the poster would rather her child learned about consent then teach them normal sex acts are bad.

You and some other posters have jumped on this and decided it meant the poster was blasé about their teenager watching porn.

If that is not that you are in a rage over then I have no idea. I think perhaps you are in too deep with your outrage.

Okay. This is a thread of opinions based on the content of the thread. I have posted mine. I have seen many times, first hand, the effects of blithely letting 13 year olds watch porn. The parenting attitudes that allow this very thing to thrive are alive and well on this thread.

It's very Mumsnet to ask 'BUT WHERE IS THIS EXACT COMMENT, EH?' in the hope that you can debunk someone's opinion, but as a contribution to an important debate, it's a bit pointless.

I read those comments upthread and feel very angry at children being enabled to watch pornography. Pornography and women's representation within it is one of the roots of toxic masculine behaviour and our skewed, anti-women direction of travel.

As a subject, it couldn't be more fucking important. And 'but phones/internet/they've all seen it all/what can you do, eh? is a real problem. That is what I am angry about. Applying a little critical thinking to my comments to those issues mentioned upthread instead of combing the thread for EXACT QUOTES, it might help.

But agreeing to differ on whether this shit matters is probably easier. I'm here to state my opinion, not persuade individual posters who don't see an issue.

@Ottil - I agree with you about the dangers of pornography but I still don’t think any poster on here was condoning or enabling the watching of it. I really think you’ve jumped the gun and your comments about people’s parenting being a disgrace uncalled for.

Why? Why is calling parenting that turns a blind eye to children watching pornography a disgrace?

Should we call it something else? 'Different method of parenting?' maybe?

If parents know that their children watch pornography and don't do a thing about it, then it is a disgrace, and thankfully, a red flag for safeguarding in schools.

That said, parents should be the gatekeepers for this, NOT schools. The excuses for not doing so - raised on this very thread - are not good enough.

It's a crap programme that I refuse to spend my time watching. My mum loves it and I tried a dose of it to see what the fuss was about. I lasted under 2 mins. It was all sunbeds, tits and arse.
I'm so glad my 12 year old CHILD doesn't know what it is. For my own research purposes I asked her what love island is. She said, "It's an adult show, so why are you asking me?" (good answer)
What's it about? I asked her, to which she said, "It might be about love". None of her friends talk about it (thank God).

Agree. The 'meh. They'll just see it on a mate's phone anyway' comments are awful. Children rely on adults to care more than that.

Agree with this too. My school are VERY clear about parents' responsibilities with access to inappropriate material. And yes there ARE comments on this thread that are the equivalent of a shoulder-shrug and what-can-you-do and it IS a disgrace.

I have no time whatsoever for the apologists either.

It's trash. I don't want my DD looking up to these idiots so YANBU.

That was me and it has been taken out of context as I have already commented. It was an observation. Not. A. Target. I cannot control what other children or parents do. That is the material point. My dd was not interested in that crap (Omegle) when her friends introduced her to it. Thank god. But dd and her friends involved all viewed inappropriate material age 11 on one of their phones (not DD’s). They are part of that 50%. Talking about relationships and boundaries absolutely is appropriate age 13. I ask you now to cease twisting my words.

Well said @Mummyoflittledragon - what you said got blown out of all proportion