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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop seeing him over this?

160 replies

9thFloorNightmare · 22/01/2023 17:57

In was going out with a man, he was a good person and seemed well adjusted, going through some career changes so he was upfront about his financial situation - struggling because he is not very ambition at all but still wanted to have a nice life, in nice area, with nice hobbies, etc

We always split 50/50 when out on our very simple dates.

He invited me to have lunch at his and asked if I liked couscous / feta cheese and other things and yes I liked everything.

Got there and the food was nice and tasty but I thought if was me cooking it I would have used more feta cheese and / or cut bigger pieces because the pieces he used were tiny and it would be much tastier if there was more of it. He said that was his 1st time cooking that dish and he loved feta cheese so I just thought he ate a lot of cheese before I arrived. All good.

He then started to get a second portion for himself and literally fished out all of the tiny pieces of feta cheese that were left! Spent some time trying to find them all since they were very small and mixed with the other ingredients. He didn't ask if I was going to have a second helping myself though but if I was then there would be no more feat cheese for me.

He invited me for lunch again a couple of days later but I said we were a mismatch and wished him good luck. Was IBU?

To not drip feed - the date before the couscous lunch, we went on a long walk in the woods and before we started he stopped by a corner shop to buy water. The corner shop was packed with people so I waited outside. He came out with a 1 small bottle only - I found it slightly weird because if it was me I would sure have asked whoever was in my company if they wanted water too or just buy a bottle for them. BUT...during the walk, I took my Rebel organic pink coconut water bought in whole foods for around £6. He had never seen that so I offered him a little sip to taste (it is delicious) and he ended up having half to it! and till didn't offer me a sip of his water though.

OP posts:
ReadtheReviews · 22/01/2023 20:47

My take away from your post op was ffs dont go on a date walking in the woods!!!! Could be a total nutjob!

Dartmoorcheffy · 22/01/2023 20:50

ReadtheReviews · 22/01/2023 20:47

My take away from your post op was ffs dont go on a date walking in the woods!!!! Could be a total nutjob!

It wasn't a first date. (Or I would absolutely agree with you)

Original poster
9thFloorNightmare · 22/01/2023 20:51

Againstmachine · 22/01/2023 20:40

From the man's point of view anyone who thinks a bottle of water is worth 6 quid I'd let loose as would be high maintenance.

except it was not water

OP posts:
Original poster
9thFloorNightmare · 22/01/2023 20:52

ladymaiasura · 22/01/2023 20:46

Oh. I thought your point was that he drank half of yours but didn’t offer you any of his… 🤔

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Oh yeah - that is the whole point - good comprehension 🤔

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 22/01/2023 20:54

Againstmachine · 22/01/2023 20:41

Nope you are still wrong , you might as well compare abottle of beer comparing a bottle of spirits is just stupid.

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What am I wrong about and why is it stupid?

Person who drinks alcohol: spends more than £6 on alcohol because they like it.

OP: doesn’t drink alcohol, but spends £6 on coconut water because she liked it.

Both people have spent £6 (or more) on a drink they like. Why is the first fine, but the second not?

Queeofgreens · 22/01/2023 21:00

@9thFloorNightmare is the coconut water nice like the one you can buy from anywhere?

Dartmoorcheffy · 22/01/2023 21:13

9thFloorNightmare · 22/01/2023 20:51

except it was not water

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So it's not coconut water then?

VladmirsPoutine · 22/01/2023 21:16

OP Yanbu. Mumsnet is a strange place at the best of times. The whole set up sounds miserable and frankly yanbu to expect some chivalry. I don't care how it makes me sound but I'd never consider a relationship with a man who wanted to do 50/50 on every date. Good you got out when you did!!!

Queeofgreens · 22/01/2023 21:21

I’m curious about the water coconut?

Nursejackie1 · 22/01/2023 21:25

Urgh it’s the little things that you need to look out for. I think you are well rid

crispsandnuts · 22/01/2023 21:27

Coconut water and feta, so very mumsnet.
Dairylea slices and rola cola would be much more acceptable

Original poster
9thFloorNightmare · 22/01/2023 21:30

Dartmoorcheffy · 22/01/2023 20:50

It wasn't a first date. (Or I would absolutely agree with you)

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Hampstead Heath - nice and busy

OP posts:
Original poster
9thFloorNightmare · 22/01/2023 21:33

Queeofgreens · 22/01/2023 21:00

@9thFloorNightmare is the coconut water nice like the one you can buy from anywhere?

nope - much much better

hard to drink the other ones once you try the pink one

I am from a tropical country where people have coconut tress in their backyard

I grew up drinking coconut water and it is easy for me to distinguish

OP posts:
theworkwasthething · 22/01/2023 21:33

PousseyNotMoira · 22/01/2023 19:22

Lots of women on MN have selfish thoughtless partners. Read some of the posts. The way people end up with those sorts of men is by ignoring all the signs of selfishness and thoughtlessness at the early stages.

They dismiss these clear indications as ‘small’ or ‘petty’ or ‘unimportant’. Then, 10 years later, they have a greedy thoughtless husband who only thinks of himself and they’re wringing their hands wondering how this came about.

You made the right call. Stop defending yourself to strangers online. It’s utterly pointless.

This, with bells on.

OP, I applaud your decisions in dating. I might even give that water a go, and raise a glass in solidarity. More women should kibosh fledgling relationships with selfish, thoughtless blokes.

Original poster
9thFloorNightmare · 22/01/2023 21:34

Dartmoorcheffy · 22/01/2023 21:13

So it's not coconut water then?

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is coconut milk, milk?

OP posts:
blondieminx · 22/01/2023 21:36

YANBU.

if he’s stingy & thoughtless best to get out early! Would put money on him putting himself first in ahem, other areas too… you are right to swerve!

Jackandjamie · 22/01/2023 21:38

It sounds like early days and you’ve done the right thing. He sounds quite inconsiderate.

AnotherNameChanges · 22/01/2023 21:40

I think you sound quite high maintenance! But sounds like the relationship wasn't meant to be.

Queeofgreens · 22/01/2023 21:40

9thFloorNightmare · 22/01/2023 21:33

nope - much much better

hard to drink the other ones once you try the pink one

I am from a tropical country where people have coconut tress in their backyard

I grew up drinking coconut water and it is easy for me to distinguish

Show quote history

@9thFloorNightmare oh I’m going to try and yes you sone the right thing

pawprintseverywhere · 22/01/2023 21:46

The comments just keep on giving 🤣🤣
He cut cheese too small and went for seconds .... ditch him.... wtf ...

2013isback · 22/01/2023 21:47

Of course YANBU to end a relationship that isn't working for you! No one is obliged to be in a relationship at all, let alone to stay with a particular person. Given that this was a very new relationship with no complications (like children, shared property, intertwined lives, long-term commitment, etc.) and given that you seem to have been clear and polite about ending it, the ratio (44% YABU, at the moment!!!!) is absolutely weird.

biedrona · 22/01/2023 21:49

YNBU. lack of ambition while wanting a nice life - run for the hills!

Eyeofthestorm7 · 22/01/2023 21:57

Definitely a mismatch in manners which would get very annoying.

Pixiedust1234 · 22/01/2023 22:02

I agree with you OP. It sounds like he doesnt think about others which makes them seem selfish, unthinking, mean and generally uncaring. I cant think of anyone who would want those traits in a partner.

Aubree17 · 22/01/2023 22:21

He's maybe a little thoughtless but I think this is about more than the cheese.
He doesn't sound like he's what you are looking for?