To stop seeing him over this?

[9thFloorNightmare]

In was going out with a man, he was a good person and seemed well adjusted, going through some career changes so he was upfront about his financial situation - struggling because he is not very ambition at all but still wanted to have a nice life, in nice area, with nice hobbies, etc

We always split 50/50 when out on our very simple dates.

He invited me to have lunch at his and asked if I liked couscous / feta cheese and other things and yes I liked everything.

Got there and the food was nice and tasty but I thought if was me cooking it I would have used more feta cheese and / or cut bigger pieces because the pieces he used were tiny and it would be much tastier if there was more of it. He said that was his 1st time cooking that dish and he loved feta cheese so I just thought he ate a lot of cheese before I arrived. All good.

He then started to get a second portion for himself and literally fished out all of the tiny pieces of feta cheese that were left! Spent some time trying to find them all since they were very small and mixed with the other ingredients. He didn't ask if I was going to have a second helping myself though but if I was then there would be no more feat cheese for me.

He invited me for lunch again a couple of days later but I said we were a mismatch and wished him good luck. Was IBU?

To not drip feed - the date before the couscous lunch, we went on a long walk in the woods and before we started he stopped by a corner shop to buy water. The corner shop was packed with people so I waited outside. He came out with a 1 small bottle only - I found it slightly weird because if it was me I would sure have asked whoever was in my company if they wanted water too or just buy a bottle for them. BUT...during the walk, I took my Rebel organic pink coconut water bought in whole foods for around £6. He had never seen that so I offered him a little sip to taste (it is delicious) and he ended up having half to it! and till didn't offer me a sip of his water though.

I'm not sure about him but I wouldn't date you as you seem a bit wanky and pretentious with your silly waters and not being able to speak up about feta.

6 quid bottles of water wtf.

Fair enough - you're clearly not compatible.

I don't think he showed a lack of thought, though. He just expected you, as a fellow adult, to fend for yourself and speak up if you wanted things, and TBH, that's what I'd expect to.

You also know he doesn't have much money and yet you're complaining about him not sharing a £1 bottle of water when you're happy to spend £6 on yours.

He had a job with a very well known not for profit organisation and was getting paid well to have the lifestyle he wants, doing what he loves - but the charity started getting into financial trouble and couldn't pay him anymore so he was getting less and less yet not looking for anything else and dreading the market.

He also said that at some point he would receive inheritance so wasn't bothered about achieving anything.

I am a single parent alone in the country and don't receive any maintenance so for me a bit of ambition and wanting to do better for myself is a survival reality.

The problem was not the quantity or size of the cheese but him picking it all out for himself - even if I said something - sure the attitude is kind of thoughtless?

how much do you pay for your alcohol? because I don't drink alcohol and sometimes I treat myself to a nice non alcoholic drink - not every day

It's cheesily done

It sounds like a petty thing but I can see why you have the ick about watching him pick the best bits out of the couscous. It’s a bit like watching someone go up to the buffet and piling their plate high with no thought to whether there will be enough for everyone.

Same with chugging half your water or letting you go halves on a meal where he drank alcohol and you had water. It’s a subtle mix selfishness, meanness and greed and adds up to a bit of a red flag imo.

To all of you talking about my £6 water, how much you spend on the pub or on the alcohol aisle in the supermarkets?

I'm on tight budget too - poorer then him probably since he is childless -

I pay less than you do for a bottle of water for any alcoholic drink I buy.

As said you are pretentious he's well rid.

Water doesn't attract same taxes as alcoholic drinks so your point is mute.

Love a good MN pun. Nobody does it feta

You definitely made the right decision there. Meanness is such a horrible personality trait.

Nothing as I don't drink. I still don't spend £6 on a bottle of water though

Thank you!

I've had my fair share of problematic relationships and selfish men, maybe I am trained to see red flags or to very quick figure out who is not going to be compatible with me.

Yes - it does sound petty and maybe things could have improved with conversation, but I got turned off and humoured that. Maybe I was too quick to judge, I don't know, but for sure we were incompatible and I didn't;t want to lead him on or drag it out.

we would have to calculate how much our drinks cost and how often we buy them to come to a correct black and white conclusion though

and I should not have bought my fave drink to treat myself on a childfree day when i am going on a date just because he is on a tight budget?

if you like coconut water you should try!

it is the best!

they have smaller cheaper bottles too;)

No I agree with you - I'd walk away over this.

Also speaking as someone who doesn't drink alcohol, don't feel that you have to explain your £6 bottle of water to people who spend £10 on a bottle of poison.

You'll be blaming yourself later on when other selfish traits start to show themselves if you don't act now.

Really? Unless you only drink beer, how is that possible?

People 'messing about' with food in front of others is revolting. YANBU.

The OP supports herself. She can spend her spare money on anything she likes.

Lots of women on MN have selfish thoughtless partners. Read some of the posts. The way people end up with those sorts of men is by ignoring all the signs of selfishness and thoughtlessness at the early stages.

They dismiss these clear indications as ‘small’ or ‘petty’ or ‘unimportant’. Then, 10 years later, they have a greedy thoughtless husband who only thinks of himself and they’re wringing their hands wondering how this came about.

You made the right call. Stop defending yourself to strangers online. It’s utterly pointless.

I can't stop laughing about pink organic coconut water!

Try living in the north it isn't hard. Even spirits and a mixer are cheaper.

I don't know why people are going on about the OP's coconut water. I'm sure most of us spend the occasional £6 on something that falls into the 'luxury' rather than the 'necessity' bracket.

I didn't say say she can't but she was person who came on here talking about wanky water.