Been off sick with depression for 9 months, will colleagues think I’m taking the piss if I take the kids to a theme park

[chinateapot]

Just as the title says really. My mum died, lots of issues from that, I couldn’t cope, got a diagnosis of depression and off work since now on half pay. (Civil service so great sick pay )
i want to do something nice for my kids because this is all horrid for them too but wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work ?

No, I really don't think people would judge you apart from possibly a few twats (and who cares what nasty people think?) People are a lot more understanding of mental health issues these days, and the cast majority would realise that the very worst thing for your depression would be to feel compelled to stay inside/not do anything enjoyable for the whole time you are off.

I've already said that most people would rather bitch and moan about the person who is off than approach their manager.

I'm just saying the anger is totally misplaced and as someone who has suffered with their mental health, it adds another layer to an already really shitty time when it is not up to them to manage anyone else's workload.

And yes, maybe OPs employer will be looking at that or maybe they won't. Either way it is up to people to speak up themselves if they are struggling, not quietly seething.

It is pretty vital to MH recovery to push yourself a little so you are not stuck in the comfort zone. OP might actually really like theme parks anyway.

I took my dc to parks and softplay when I was off work with depression. They were very small, going to those places was exhausting and difficult but I did it because they were more important than work. When I felt well enough I returned to work.

You will get some colleagues who judge and some who get the circumstances, especially when you are off with bad mental health.

The thing is though employers will have policies for absence trigger points where they will start to look at how beneficial it is to them continuing to pay 'great sick pay' and if it is reasonable for them to allow the situation to continue much longer or intervene. The longer it continues the closer you get to those trigger points so although it might not be what you want to hear, you have to be realistic about the potential for being managed out or expected to prepare to return. Of course we are all different but I was back at work 10 weeks after my mum died.

Taking kids to a theme park isn't for your enjoyment, it's for theirs. Wouldn't think twice if you were my colleague.

I wouldn't say it, but this is how I would feel. Especially if I had had to cover your work.

Sone people will not understand- they'll think if you can go to a theme park surely you can go to work? A colleague of mine was off for about six weeks with depression, and was seen coming out of a pub laughing. That did create a lot of resentment.

Are you my ex colleague? I was hauled into the office for being seen laughing in a pub when off with depression.
You can be depressed and laugh. You can also have friends that care and try to get you out.

At my work we did all raise it with management. Nothing was done. My own mental health (already diagnosed with bipolar) suffered being expected to cover multiple roles for months on end, without taking a sick day myself.

I left for another job before the two off for 9+ months returned. I know from speaking to the recruiter they couldn't keep staff after that. Two people they brought in lasted two months as a result.

@LolaSmiles but that isn’t realistic is it?Yes in a fantasy world we would all be given the necessary time to grieve but in the real world jobs need to be done and as @AnyFucker said if you think that is going to take years the best thing to do is resign.
I'm not saying everyone should be able to have years off because they've lost someone.

I do hate how often it's a rush to the bottom on here when there's employment threads. There's a real undertone of 'if I don't have a term/condition then nobody else should and you should also suck it up'. The outcome of that mentality is not good for workers.

I don't think anyone should have to make themselves more unwell, mentally or physically, due to their company having awful terms and conditions for workers.

Some will absolutely say you are... who cares, go and have a great day with your children xx

wjll my colleagues think I’m lying about needing to be off work?

Yes, plenty will.

Someone downthread said not to worry, people are far more understanding about MH nowadays.

In jobs with generous sick pay, tbph I think the opposite is true because everyone is acutely aware of how many piss takers there are. My employer (very large company) gives 6 months full pay. Astonishingly, many peoples depression seems to lift after 5 months and 29 days and they're then capable of returning to work.

I can't imagine being so deeply unhappy that I was actually jealous or resentful of a person who is depressed. Or worse, so cynical that I assume they are milking it.
Resource is a management issue. Lack of funding is a government issue (in this case). None of these issues are the fault of a person on long term sick and I'm shocked that people are rationalising such juvenile levels of projection. This is how reception age kids behave.

You’ve had some really stupid comments here OP. The bits about what they would hypothetically do in the case of child death and saying you should be recovered within 6 months are definitely from the hard of thinking so ignore those.

Be honest with your doctor; and it’s no fucker else’s business. Be well.

People need money to survive, so of course they exhaust the support offered and then go back. Many have commented who aren't as lucky and this is awful. How are these people taking the piss? They are taking an entitlement offered by their employer, should they not take it, simply because others aren't so lucky? We should be fighting for all to have "generous" sickness policies.

I had long periods off work a couple of times. One time, I did go down to half pay (on NHS Band 1, so a pittance).
Another time I did go back just before half pay kicked in. I lasted a few weeks and was off again. I was not ready at all, and the threat of half my money going was not suddenly a motivator for getting better. Funny that.

Perhaps if you had a serious mental health issue exacerbated by covering multiple roles without being able to go off sick yourself you would get it.

I think you can and should go, but you should also be making steps to a phased return to work, nine months is a long time to be off, they will appreciate you starting to come in.

You can go off sick though. No one is stopping you seeing your GP and getting signed off.

If you read my previous post you would see that I was a temp in that role. I got SSP only. I was under massive pressure to never take a sick day or risk my contract being ended.

There was no cover.

If they do judge they just have to hope they never suffer a bereavement and struggle or become unwell enough to require extensive time off.

it’s not fun or nice being off or feeling like you’re being talked about and judged. Life does go on, and part of getting better is going on and doing things you would have done normally but that doesn’t mean you’re fit for work. I still had to take the kids to school and pick them up etc all the things I did before - single parent whilst also struggling on half pay I was shielding for a period of time too. It took me quite some time to just get back to normal and be well enough mentally and physically to go back to work and face people who probably thought I was ‘taking the piss’ but no one would have wanted to have gone through what I did in the preceding months so I think people should think themselves lucky for their health and ability to be at work & try to support others coming back to work, it’s hard!!

Also what happens if EVERYONE in a team has that attitude and gets signed off long term?

If they do judge they just have to hope they never suffer a bereavement

Well they will won’t they? The vast majority of people will lose one or both of their parents at some point. It’s very sad, but not in my view on par with the loss of a child or husband/wife/long term partner. If my dad passed away I would be very shocked and sad (he’s early 60s) and it’s hard to guess how much time off work I would need, but 9 months seems very very long.

When my DS started school, my colleague (who has been my friend since we were 12)was off sick with depression. She collected DS from school 1 afternoon a week for 3 weeks. My boss said having DS for a few hours did not mean she was well enough to be at work, and in fact, it meant I was at work.

take your kids out, you’re not contagious