Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

This wouldn’t even be an issue in any other country.

@threatmatrix why is this a uniquely British problem?

This thread is painful and unbelievably funny at the same time.

OP enjoys cooking, so would have planned her meals. How is it helpful to bring a tambola of unwanted food that will not be eaten.

No kids here nor pregnant but I get in from work at 8/8:30pm .
My DMIL knew this when she used to bring random food over at the weekends.

Not everyone is available for it to be picked up. By that time I want to shower, eat and relax.

OP's DMIL should respect OP's wishes and donate directly to the food banks or only buy what she needs.

What if OP's own mum did the same, aunt, neighbour etc. Why should she be going out of her way to redistribute food she's already said she doesn't want?

I buy my mum random whoops things every week from Sainsbury's, as I go on a particular day after work to pick up some bargains. Always a reduced price cake each for her and my dad too.
It's all short dated but easily freezable, sounds like your MIL is doing the same.
I'm always proud of my bargain hunting, and it isn't meant in a controlling way at all

@Minikievs do your parents ask you to do that? Do you think they have a freezer full of your bargains?

Is it wasteful of MIL? Doesnt MIL think the food is being used, as no-one has told her categoriacally that it isnt being used?

Why dont you:

1. Tell her categorically that YOU DO NOT WANT HER FOOD
2. Take it to a food bank/homeless food station

@Ladybug14 they've told her they don’t want it, that should be enough to stop the MIL providing it

I would hope the freezer isn't full of them, no! It's all things she'd use (mince, chicken breasts etc) and not venison steaks or zebra. I'm going to ask now whether she actually wants them. I'll happily keep them if she doesn't!
My point was that it isn't necessarily done as a control, it might be that MIL is genuinely wanting to help

Ah...sorry, I must have missied that. My apologies. 😊

Why do you think that?

It is someone choosing to ignore a polite request not to do something and doing it anyway because they believe they know best and then calling the person whose request they have chosen to ignore unappreciative aka ungrateful.

Pretty sure it is not a UK issue where family issues arise where they believe they know best and choose to stomp over another family member’s boundaries.

Because in countries like China, Turkey etc this is normal. People like to give, it makes them happy.

If it's 'all things she'd use' then this isn't remotely the same.

MIL keeps giving OP things they don't use, that they've previously tried to reject.

That isn't helpful.

Because in countries like China, Turkey etc this is normal. People like to give, it makes them happy.

This is not giving. The MIL has specifically goaded the OP, telling her that when she was pregnant she 'ate everything'. This is the MIL's way of trying to control what the pregnant OP eats.

It is not happy nor kind. If the OP doesn't put her foot down it will be so much worse after baby comes.

And in all those other countries, how does it make the receiver feel to be given things they don’t like, won’t eat, and have asked not to be given?
I live in Spain and this situation would still piss me off 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes I think you need to go to a good bank to restore your sense of humanity- drop off ops food while your there, don’t think anyone’s suggested it yet

Oh give it a rest. Why upset someone that loves to do something. Christ don’t get so obsessed with my comment.

Love that you think someone responding once to your comment on a public forum means they’re ‘obsessed’ with it 😂. Cute.

‘Cute’ are you a child.

Ah sorry, I assumed with your ‘omg you’re like so obsessed with me’ type comment that you were 14 or under, so was responding in language I thought you’d understand.

Why upset someone by forcing items on them they don’t want and have asked politely for you not to do anymore?

She only “loves” to do it because OP is pregnant and it’s her soon to be grandchild.

She wasn’t doing this before OP was pregnant and again has not asked what OP would like instead or accepted the fact that OP has says she doesn’t want any of the food.

She rather waste food, giving to someone who doesn’t want or need it, and making more work for them than actually listen and not get it at all or donate herself. If she loves to buy food so much , she can just as easily buy food to donate.

it's not that you're unreasonable, I totally sympathise and my mil is the same, but it is a gesture of love and you need to receive it as such. we get the weirdest Morrisons packets of this and that. I use what I can, donate anything that would be accepted to the food bank, and bin the rest. but always be thankful for the kindness.

I would just drop it off at a food bank or soup kitchen , your mother in law won't know, and you helping someone as well saves wasting it. The stories I read on here about MILS and the weird and annoying things they insist on , continue to amaze me, I consider myself quite lucky although had my own issues with mine in past. But we never seem to win with them, we have taken their darling sons away from them!

My mil is the same... we get the weirdest Morrisons packets of this and that.I use what I can, donate anything that would be accepted to the food bank, and bin the rest.

Where's the PP who criticised OP for posting this during the cost of living crisis? 🤔

This isn't a MIL bashing thread!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Although that would explain why people seem to have lost their minds over it.

I would just drop it off at a food bank or soup kitchen.

It has been covered many, many times on this thread that most food banks will not accept perishable items. But even if they did, why should OP have to spend her free time transporting bags of food - that not only did she not ask for, but has actively tried to discourage - around her local area? Not just once, on a multiple basis?

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving in terms of those who dont RTFT.

CANCEL THE CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lol