Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

What a brilliant suggestion, I wonder why nobody else suggested it

Get a cat, cook and feed to your new lovely pet

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I wasn't suggesting it sounded anything, nor defending it, nor defending mil, nor supporting the "give it to the food bank" commenters.

I was just correcting a fact.

My parents used to bring me fish and eggs. I don't eat eggs. They never told me they were coming so if I wasn't in (common) they left the eggs on the doorstep and put the fish through the letterbox. My old housemates still talk about how my parents used to post fish through our letterbox! I used to take the eggs to work and the lady in the canteen would make cakes and give me some, same with apples they brought, she'd make apple pies and share them with me.

You know cats generally eat raw meat?

Or... Get a cat, cook it, and feed to your lovely MIL.

At the beginning of the post, I didn't really think this was a big issue. However, as it progressed I started to see this not as generosity but control. You have already tried to indicate that you don't want or need these donations. Showing appreciation would presumably just encourage it, and I think suggesting to your husband that you are not appreciative is stirring up trouble.

I agree with the person who said there would no doubt be many people who would be grateful for these offerings, in which case I think mother in law should donate to foodfare or any organisation that provides cooked meals for people who are going through hard times.

I don't see it as "snobbish" wanting to buy good quality/organic, unprocessed food.

Food banks, friends, neighbours. Can’t believe I’ve had to write this.

Get a grip love.

Why should OP have to go round trying to find someone willing to take a bag of unlabelled chicken, when the MIL could just listen to OP and not give them the food. Wouldn’t that just be easier @threatmatrix

I remember when I was heavily pregnant and working full time, I really really wanted to spend my evenings finding food banks/people to give my unwanted food to 😏. If the MIL stops buying it, no food will go to waste and the OP won’t have to spend time redistributing it. Ideal solution, yes?

Neither can I , your time would have been better spent reading the thread properly

😂😂

Or... This might sound a little wacky...

MIL could just STOP GIVING PEOPLE STUFF THEY DON'T WANT.

This thread has made me realise why the world is burning.

We're all screwed aren't we.

Yep.
It won’t be Covid, War, famine etc that ends us.
It will be the inability to understand basic facts

YANBU. my mil does the same thing, I just accept the stuff as she doesn't visit often so not a battle I choose to take on. My mil and fil are both obese and the food they bring is all very unhealthy and not what we want. For the 4 of us: 4 bags sweets, 4 giant choc bars, 1 full size cake, 1 cheese cake, 1 torte or tart, 1 tub of flapjacks, 1 tub of mini brownies, 2 packs of biscuits and 2 loaves of white bread. (We only eat brown bread.) Luckily it's stuff I can donate to food bank unless it's been opened during visit.

That sounds a great solution. I really fancy some apple pie now.

Well she actually said not a huge meat eater, not that she's vegetarian. MIL might be less inclined to pick up meat for her if she thinks it is causing her to be sick.

That’s because you are sensible and not an uptight control freak like the ones that have vilified me for saying just take it, if it makes them happy it’s not worth the row.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking.

Doubtful if MIL is making digs about it and MIL knows OP isn’t a big meat eater and plans her meals. It makes no sense to buy food for people who have said they don’t really eat it or like it. MIL only started buying food for OP once OP was pregnant so it seems it’s more about her future grandchild (her son’s baby)than OP. If she actually cared about OP, she could have asked OP about food or how she could help instead of moan about how unappreciative OP is for food that she knows OP doesn’t really eat.

My EX mother in law does this. Still turns up with “food parcels” on a weekly basis and I have been divorced for over 10 years.

She has a passion for giving us cakes and sausages.

I donate the food via a food sharing FB group and a community fridge.

But is it going to stop there? And again why should OP have to find ways to take care of it when MIL could simply not buy the food in the first place? She wasn’t buying it in the beginning and is only doing so now that OP is pregnant and choosing to ignore OP’s diet preferences.

OP has asked her to stop and that should be the end of it. OP shouldn’t just accept it because it’s make MIL happy because it will more than likely lead to MIL continuing to do other things in the future.

Thank you. Even though I don't want it, I know they are just trying to be kind and I don't want to upset them by having a row or not accepting it. They are lovely people.

I was thinking more about the fact that the first (and pretty blindingly obvious) step in reducing food and plastic waste is to only buy what you need. A fact clearly wasted on a lot of people on this thread.

But I agree.