Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

This thread has been a masterclass of not people not reading an OP properly or just not getting it at all.

@Elaina87
”Be careful though because when you have a newborn you'll be grateful for any food anyone brings you!”

I don’t agree with this at all, I had three children and never did I wish to receive other peoples food when I could so easily buy my own. Not all of us become unable to continue our lives.

Absolutely no need for that comment at all, why did you feel the need to say that?! Having a newborn is hard work, but well done to you for carrying on as if nothing's happened. I for one was very grateful for a family bringing round a casserole or something! How rude and disrespectful of you to basically say someone is a less capable Mother than you for accepting some help when it's needed.

Absolutely no need for that comment at all, why did you feel the need to say that?! Having a newborn is hard work, but well done to you for carrying on as if nothing's happened. I for one was very grateful for a family bringing round a casserole or something! How rude and disrespectful of you to basically say someone is a less capable Mother than you for accepting some help when it's needed.

Good for you. Most people are very happy when their friends and family support them in practical ways.

She obviously enjoys doing this so just let her, what harm is she causing. You can give it all away if you want.

Who should she give it to exactly?

29 pages in and people are still supporting food waste. Odd.

I was very grateful for family members who provided meals when DS was born, but would still have found it wasteful if they arrived with random bits of food that neither of us eat (which includes cheap, processed meat). If anything, I was probably more conscious about what I was putting in my body.

Give it to who? And why should wasting money and food just be indulged because her MIL ‘enjoys’ it?

My husband did all the cooking when my children were babies (we usually split it 50:50) so someone sending us food we didn’t like/eat wouldn’t have helped us at all. It would just have made extra work in finding somewhere to dispose of it.

Agree with you, a lot of people are finding rising costs extremely hard and have to buy what they can afford. I am vegetarian so meat prices are not a problem but everything else is, butter, cereals and eggs.

Absolutely. All the 'be kind' comments when the MIL is giving the DIL food she knows she doesn't want to eat. I'll say it again. This is about control and the MIL thinking she knows best for the unborn child 🙄

All the more reason for the MIL to direct her ‘kindness’ towards those who actually need it, rather than forcing it on someone who doesn’t want or need it.

If you choose to ignore the massive context around what OP eats, the digs that her MIL has made because of it, and calling her unappreciative because OP is not eating what MIL wants her to eat.

I bet if OP had left out what kind of meat it was, people would have asked and there would have still been people calling her snobby and condescending over not accepting it when she has explained why.

not to mention the “find someone to give it to” comments
Who has time for that?

I think your post is unreasonable and snobbish but you are not unreasonable to turn the for down. I would tell her that I never use the food and donate it as so many people are in need. She may stop when she realises it is going elsewhere. Find a local project that provides food for homeless people and arenage to donate it.
Or (if you have time) cook the food and give it back to her. After 2 or 3 times she will get the message.

How is she meant to explain her problem without outlining why she doesn’t want to eat the food? Swerving the cheapest food when you can afford better is not at all snobbish, shes taking care of her own and her baby’s health. It’s not a personal dig at your lifestyle.

My mum and I aren't particularly close but when I got pregnant with my first she got into giving me bags of meat and veg, like packs of mince and stewing steak, which my OH loved as I am not much of a meat eater. She continued it for over a year after he was born and now still gives us random things like blocks of cheese, eggs, packs of mince and random fruit & veg. I think some people just see it as a sign of affection.

Anything you cannot use, maybe see if a food bank can take it.

Anything you cannot use, maybe see if a food bank can take it.

If only one other poster of the 700 posts had this inspired idea.

For the love of God, OP, @Christmasbeach , please will you ask MN HQ to edit the thread title to include "unable to donate to food bank". This thread will get to 40 pages of "take it to a food bank" otherwise.

They say we're young, and we don't know...

I think it's sweet. She's looking after you. I think you should be gracious and just accept the gift with thanks. You can give some of it to a food bank.

@TaraRhu why is it sweet when they have asked her not to do it?

@TaraRhu, go back and read the post above yours like you should have done before posting.