To not want my in-laws to know when I go into labour

[PenguinX]

I am due to have my first baby next month, my PIL said today they want my husband to let them know when I go into labour. This makes me very uncomfortable but my husband thinks I'm being ridiculous.
My mum will need to be informed when I go to hospital because we need someone to come to our house to feed our pets but for some reason I'm not happy about anyone else knowing.
Am I being unreasonable thinking like this?

I think your being precious if I'm honest

YABU

We told my mum but wished we hadn't - it all turned into a drama when she wasn't updated as often as she felt entitled to. She phoned round the family bitching about my DH.

YANBU. Before mobile phones it really wasn't a thing to tell people when you went into labour. With both of mine everyone was phoned from a hospital, coin-operated phone after the event. I really don't get why posters are getting so steamed up about this. "What if you need support!!" Well I can't imagine what support would be needed, but if you do then you get your husband to just phone them and ask don't you?

Mine were born in that era too. My first was born at 3am and my ex had to wait until about 7 before he rang anyone. Everyone had a good night’s sleep and woke to the news that there was a new person in the family.

I can't believe how many people have called you childish for not wanting the size of your cervix to be discussed in the family group chat. I didn't tell people because I have heard that discussed so many times and it wierded me out. Not everyone likes to overshare.

YANBU We didn’t tell people our due date just mid June.

People, especially family, are tone deaf when it comes to babies. They think they have a right to know about your body and private medical information, because that is what it is. It’s your body and your baby and you can chose who knows what happens with your body.

Imagine if you have a long labour, or need to be induced, or have a complication. Do these need to be involved or potentially kept abreast of your medical information. I can see persistent texts about are they here yet?

And to all these people saying her husband has a right to tell his parents. It’s not his body and he isn’t doing the work. He has no parental rights until the baby is born.

My sister's mother in law wouldn't stop calling and texting when my sister was in labour. When the baby was born and my sister was establishing breastfeeding apparently a nurse came in to say the she had been on the phone to the labour ward as well!

Anyway, that aside, I can understand not wanting people to know. It would increase the pressure for me, knowing that people were waiting for the baby to be born, and that would stress me out.

I don't see why it would bother you, they are excited for their first grandchild, if they turned up and wanted to watch them that's a different story.
I mean they are showing an interest and are excited their grandchild will be arriving and believe me once it starts you won't care.

If you're telling your mum his should be told too.

Mine turned up. Out of the blue. Don’t do it OP!

People, especially family, are tone deaf when it comes to babies. They think they have a right to know about your body and private medical information

Yes they also think they’re suddenly the most special and deserving family member, ‘Oh I know they said not to call and if we all decided to do it then they’d be swamped, but it’s me and I’m more special than her family/the in laws, so I’ll just call anyway’. In my experience a lot of people go fucking nuts and don’t abide by any of the boundaries you set.

@Cuppasoupmonster but even if they did turn up they aren't allowed in the room and I doubt with Covid still hanging around they'd be allowed to stay.
If she puts them in charge of the pets that gives them a job to keep them occupied, her mother doesn't want to know so saves telling her too. X

I understand how you feel, I felt exactly the same, but looking back, I was being ridiculous and unintentionally hurtful.
You're being really precious.

Absolutely. And if you have a vaginal tear then his scrotum should be torn too.

Fair is fair.

@StarsSand if only 🤣🤣there'd be a lot less babies in the world if the men had to go through pain x

I thought it was quite normal to tell family and friends that labour has started. Unless you think they are going to come to the hospital and force their way into your room, I am baffled as to what the issue is. You are being ridiculous.

You haven’t met my in laws. They instantly jumped in the car and drove 2 hours to the hospital and turned up unannounced as I was trying to get my teeny 37 weeker to latch (despite the fact we said no hospital visitors). One of the reasons I said no visitors is because I wanted to be fair to them, I have a big family and they couldn’t all visit so I said nobody until we got home. I needn’t have bothered, I should have just invited my own family anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️ Still resentful as I would’ve liked my sisters
to come and have one of the first cuddles, plus I wouldn’t have cared about them seeing me with my catheter and boob out. In fact they would’ve helped me! With FIL it was just plain awkward.

Ok not everyone’s in laws can be as bonkers as that but I really wouldn’t have thought mine would be before it happens - babies make some people go nuts for some reason. MIL loses her head when there’s a baby in the picture, she seems to think it’s ‘her’ baby and does nothing but annoy me. SIL had similar complaints when her babies were born and she’s quite laid back so I know it wasn’t just me!

You’re being unreasonable . Let’s hope that if you have a son, your future daughter-in-law is more family oriented.
You’re not the first woman to give birth. Wise up !

@Cuppasoupmonster aww Bless you xxxx

We didn’t tell anyone with DC1 but will have to arrange childcare with for them this time. Totally your decision who to tell, my mum actually said she’d be upset and jealous if other grandparents looked after DC1 when I go labour. So we’re asking an uncle instead 😂 anyway, I disagree with PP who say they’d want their family to know. I was already getting a flurry of “are they born yet” without telling people it was imminent.

Really shocked by some of the answers pp have given you op @PenguinX . (Guessing they are boy mums or annoying mils to dils)

You are the patient, it is your labour, which is why if a person decides they don’t want the father there, you can request them to be removed if you wanted.

You know your inlaws best, you know if they will be invasive and annoying or not. Stress stalls labour, and having a partner who is distracted by their parents calling and demanding updates is completely unacceptable. The inlaws have zero rights to know your medical details.

My inlaws were a NIGHTMARE before the birth. My partner told them the c section date (after I told him not to) and he told them to keep it to themselves, I and my partners had texts from people we barely knew saying oh ‘dp parents told me your c section was on such and such a date). The pregnancy was high risk and I’m private and I was furious. The section date changed as the risk factors increased, we didn’t tell them the change (dp learnt his lesson and was pissed off from the first time), and they were told after the baby arrived.

My mother for all her faults put no pressure on us at all. It was very very appreciated and as such she received the first call to be told the baby had arrived safely.

I didn’t tell anyone, apart from my best friend. I didn’t want my mum to worry, which I knew she would, so she got a call both times from the labour ward to tell her I’d given birth. With DS2 I even left a message on the answer phone to say I’d gone to a BBQ so my eldest son didn’t call (it was summer hols and he was staying there) and wonder where I was! I didn’t want people knowing and waiting so I think you’re not being unreasonable at all

I didn't tell anyone with my first and wouldn't have with my second except we needed childcare for the first. We got both sets of parents involved with that but they didn't spread it any further and I'd have been annoyed if they had.

I understand wanting the privacy.