Page 9 | My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

NowYouTellMe · 2023-01-21T16:33:24+00:00

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 21/01/2023 20:25

dogdaydown · 21/01/2023 20:23

@whataboutsecondbreakfast but you'd remind them..... why?

If you shouldn't have to, why would you?

To stop them upsetting you? So you don't need to deal with the fall out and make out you're in a great relationship?

Weird!

Because I just don't see why bringing it up beforehand is such a big deal.

I mention it like I'd mention having to work at the weekend, or booking a hair appointment, or the fact that the car needs to go in for an MOT. It's just normal conversation in our house.

Skyeheather · 21/01/2023 20:27

So you didn't get one single birthday card? Your DH and DC didn't get home, see the cards on display and immediately go into panic mode?

My DS age 7 knows when everyone's birthday is and starts making a homemade card and insisting on making a cake days before.

Make sure you pay back DH on his birthday, remind nobody and get him nothing - see how he likes it.

Silvers11 · 21/01/2023 20:27

QueSyrahSyrah · 21/01/2023 19:37

I'd be really interested to know how many respondents do in fact mention their own birthday in passing in the run up to it, and therefore have no actual idea if theirs would be remembered otherwise.

There's all this 'why should OP remind them' which is valid of course, but don't most of us remind our loved ones by default anyway, just by making or mentioning plans, or having general conversations?

This. I agree with this entirely. My Birthday is today. January can be a strange time to have a birthday. I never set out to specifically 'remind' my children or my Husband - but it always comes up in general conversation, because, yes, why wouldn't you discuss 'do you fancy going out for my Birthday' or something similar?

If they had all forgotten one year I would be absolutely sure that it came up in conversation before the next one at the very least. Although if they had ever done that (as adults) it is more likely I would have made a point of dropping it into the conversation the next time I was speaking to them, most likely in a jokey sort of way. Once or twice when the kids were in their teens or early twenties, they forgot until the actual day, followed by frantic apologies, so yes, I understand the OP is disappointed, but it does sound a little like she set them up (by not mentioning it beforehand) trying to test how much they care.

dogdaydown · 21/01/2023 20:29

@whataboutsecondbreakfast ahh well we're all different, my DH and both DSs took me out for a lovely meal yesterday for my birthday.

All three asked last week if there was anything particular I wanted

None need reminding, they all know when my birthday is (same tone every year) I've no need to remind them ever! .

Sorry you do.

SupremeDreamz · 21/01/2023 20:29

Happy Belated Birthday OP. Make sure you do something special for yourself.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 21/01/2023 20:29

dogdaydown · 21/01/2023 20:29

@whataboutsecondbreakfast ahh well we're all different, my DH and both DSs took me out for a lovely meal yesterday for my birthday.

All three asked last week if there was anything particular I wanted

None need reminding, they all know when my birthday is (same tone every year) I've no need to remind them ever! .

Sorry you do.

I don't need your fake pity, thanks.

UsingChangeofName · 21/01/2023 20:30

Same thing happened last year! It was yesterday.

If the same thing happened last year, and you didn't tell them how sad or disappointed it made you feel, added to the fact you don't make a 'thing' of birthdays between you and your dh, then presumably they have no idea that you want them to celebrate, or even acknowledge your birthday.

However if you do want to celebrate your birthday, then how come you don't have conversations like "Who wants to come for a meal for my birthday next week?", as I, and all of my family do ?

Poster will say you shouldn't have to - and I don't disagree, but all of my family manage to remember birthdays as we always made a little bit of a fuss of all of our birthdays for all the years they lived with us.

If you haven't done that, but want to, you can choose to stay quiet and be upset each year or you can talk to them about it or you can sort something out yourself.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 21/01/2023 20:30

yousmellnice · 21/01/2023 16:37

Oh my goodness that's horrible. I hope they've secretly remembered and organised a massive surprise for tonight

Hoping this is the case.

dogdaydown · 21/01/2023 20:30

@whataboutsecondbreakfast it's true pity, that people closest to you don't even remember one day.

It's sad.

caringcarer · 21/01/2023 20:30

They are adults. OP should not need to remind them.

Theos · 21/01/2023 20:32

UsingChangeofName · 21/01/2023 20:30

Same thing happened last year! It was yesterday.

If the same thing happened last year, and you didn't tell them how sad or disappointed it made you feel, added to the fact you don't make a 'thing' of birthdays between you and your dh, then presumably they have no idea that you want them to celebrate, or even acknowledge your birthday.

However if you do want to celebrate your birthday, then how come you don't have conversations like "Who wants to come for a meal for my birthday next week?", as I, and all of my family do ?

Poster will say you shouldn't have to - and I don't disagree, but all of my family manage to remember birthdays as we always made a little bit of a fuss of all of our birthdays for all the years they lived with us.

If you haven't done that, but want to, you can choose to stay quiet and be upset each year or you can talk to them about it or you can sort something out yourself.

This.
what a weird family.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 21/01/2023 20:32

dogdaydown · 21/01/2023 20:30

@whataboutsecondbreakfast it's true pity, that people closest to you don't even remember one day.

It's sad.

😂

LlynTegid · 21/01/2023 20:37

It's not too much to ask for family to call or speak to you on your birthday. It is not a date that moves each year like Easter.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/01/2023 20:44

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 21/01/2023 20:25

Because I just don't see why bringing it up beforehand is such a big deal.

I mention it like I'd mention having to work at the weekend, or booking a hair appointment, or the fact that the car needs to go in for an MOT. It's just normal conversation in our house.

Show quote history

Thing is, though, it's clear from your posts that you and your husband are of one mind when it comes to birthdays. Not a big deal for either of you, so that makes it all straightforward.

The OP's in a different position. We don't know if her husband and children make any fuss about their own birthdays, but we do know that the OP remembers them and marks them. The husband and children don't reciprocate, and that's the problem. OP is out of step within the family. This makes her feel taken for granted and neglected. It may be that her husband and children feel quite differently, maybe they would even not be bothered if OP stopped marking their birthdays. However, within a family, there needs to be some consideration for other people's feelings. Once they grasp that OP wants her birthday marked and that it's hurtful to her if it's overlooked, they should make an effort. They should surely want to do a nice thing for her. We have to assume she does plenty of nice things for them.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 21/01/2023 20:54

No one should need to remind their partner when their birthday is, not their adult children. I think it’s hugely disrespectful unless birthdays are a thing that none of you bother with at all.

Railwayroad · 21/01/2023 21:06

I think it’s a bit ridiculous making a big deal if your birthday when you’re a grown adult. If it’s such a big deal to you, make sure they do t gir

Railwayroad · 21/01/2023 21:06

Don’t forget.

Kennykenkencat · 21/01/2023 21:11

I think I would not say anything until someone mentions their up coming birthday. I would then turn round and tell them you will be spending or getting them similar to your presents on your birthday.

Then spend and do absolutely nothing

I think sometimes the less you expect, the less you get.

Kitkatcatflap · 21/01/2023 21:11

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 21/01/2023 16:38

Return the favour, forgot all their next birthdays to make a point.

Absolutely this ....... See how they like it

Hibye23289 · 21/01/2023 21:34

I hate posts like this, I don't know how a birthday isn't mentioned in the slightest in the run up. I reckon people stay quiet on purpose waiting for their partner to forget so they can go into pity mode. You get what you expect, you need to make a fuss so they know your standards

Mumtobabyhavoc · 21/01/2023 21:48

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 21/01/2023 19:58

It was yesterday.

Show quote history

Saw that too late. I's still do it, though. 😊

leithreas · 21/01/2023 21:52

Hibye23289 · 21/01/2023 21:34

I hate posts like this, I don't know how a birthday isn't mentioned in the slightest in the run up. I reckon people stay quiet on purpose waiting for their partner to forget so they can go into pity mode. You get what you expect, you need to make a fuss so they know your standards

The op clearly has no standards. She can't even open her mouth and say something after 2 years in a row. Has no respect for herself and then wonders why no one else does either. Imagine finding out your partner was so wet they wouldn't even open their mouth and say Hey, It's my birthday tomorrow, they'd rather feel sorry for themselves instead. A total ick!

Keepingitmoving · 21/01/2023 21:57

Happy birthday 💐Like lots of mums you are being taken for granted by your family! It really is up to you how you play things but if this happened to me I would be inclined to take myself off for a lovely overnight hotel stay. Little bit of room service, wine and peace. Tell everyone you’re treating yourself for your birthday as they couldn’t be a&sed to. And as L’Oréal says - you’re worth it!!

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 21/01/2023 22:17

Take yourself away out tonight for a lovely meal and hotel stay and leave them to it.
Dreadful behaviour from them.
Happy birthday.

prettybluebell · 21/01/2023 22:36

I'm sorry, that's awful behaviour from them. I would have called them out on their selfish behaviour and asked them if they would have liked to have their birthday all forgotten about. You need to tell that that you are hurt and disappointed and that you don't treat family like they have treated you.