My Husband and kids forgot my Birthday

[NowYouTellMe]

Feeling disappointed that my Husband and teenage to adult kids forgot my Birthday.

I feel your pain. It was my birthday yesterday and somebody I helped, bought them a car did not even wish me a happy birthday and my two friends who I brought on holiday did not even buy me a Bunch of flowers.

Really? From the sound of it, the OP's children are adults and live elsewhere. Adults are surely capable of remembering birthdays and also remembering that people they are close to might appreciate some attention at a minimum on other significant dates like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas or other significant religious festival, particularly significant wedding anniversary.

I'm sorry you are so much taken for granted, OP. I think you need a frank conversation with your children and your husband about how it makes you feel. Everybody needs a mark of appreciation sometimes.

It was yesterday.

@NowYouTellMe why are you and your husband not exchanging gifts? And why are you not expecting them from your kids (you said teenage to adult)? I'm not talking anything extravagant but thoughtful. How have you got to that point? Do you give your kids gifts?

It seems that you've obviously downplayed birthdays so much maybe they're assuming that there's no need to do anything.

I think it's really important that from very young children are taken shopping to buy presents for their parents and siblings at birthdays/Christmas, I'm talking about starting in the pound shop/supermarket when they are very young. It's teaching them the act of thinking about others and what they like. At the age of 3 my kids would choose a packet of jelly babies for dads birthday or a book or magazine for a sibling. Once they got to teens they were expected to go shopping themselves, but it's something that they were taught at a young age.

I've said numerous times that they shouldn't need reminding.

But they did forget last year and OP was upset about it - but appears to have done nothing in the 365 days since to make sure it doesn't happen again - that's what's silly to me.

You can't control other people's actions - only your own. So she can't force them to remember but she can change her behaviour so that she doesn't spend all her birthdays feeling miserable.

It's perfectly possible to mark a significant day without cards and presents. My husband and I share a birthday. We go out for the day and have a nice meal. I expect we would do similar if our birthdays were on different days. It's much what we do with our adult children, when they're free to spend time with us on or near their birthdays.

Happy Birthday OP 🥺

Sending love and hugs

@whataboutsecondbreakfast it's not up to make them remember! It's up to them to think we don't want to make that mistake again because OP was upset last year!

Why do you have such desperately low standards?

I would be really hurt. They should be reminding each other and treating you to something thoughtful. 💐

It was yesterday.... so not early!

I've said on almost all my replies that she shouldn't have to remind them.

But if someone forgot my birthday and it upset me, I would just remind them. It's just not a big deal to me to say "oh, can we go to X for my birthday next weekend".

It's also worth pointing out that OPhasn't said anything about what actually happened last year - so we don't actually know whether she told them she was upset or not 🤔

I also don't understand why you keep trying to tell everyone who does life differently to you that they have low standards? I'm very happy in my marriage - birthdays just aren't a big deal to me. Luckily DH is the same.

@whataboutsecondbreakfast it's not about a card, oh what a waste of a £ it's about acknowledging it's OPs birthday!

So you think your DH is marvellous because he doesn't but a card and waste money? How much did a happy birthday DW cost?

Me and my teenager forgot DP's a few years ago.

I wish he'd forgotten mine instead as he's rather held it over me as a point of moral superiority ever since. I've also spent a little more on his presents on subsequent birthdays due to the lingering guilt!

@whataboutsecondbreakfast I suppose I look at people that need to remind their nearest and dearest that it's their birthday as being totally ignored and in bad relationships.

I presume you're one and I'm sorry for you.

I'd not mention it and then completely ignore their next birthdays.

I never said I think he's marvellous - just that I'm happy in my marriage even though we don't bother with birthdays.

TBH I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall here. I've SAID he should remember - but he didn't - so I don't understand why OP keeps setting herself up for a miserable birthday every year when she could just bring it up a couple of weeks beforehand.

It's too much like playing games for my liking.

@whataboutsecondbreakfast h they don't do things differently, they forgot!

Totally different to acknowledging but not buying cards etc, they didn't even remember.

Happy birthday 🥂💐 definitely forget all of their birthdays this year.

Do you think op's partner and adult children need to remind op when it's their birthday coming up?

@whataboutsecondbreakfast you don't bother with birthdays..... but OP does?

Why can't you understand that people do things differently?

No, really? 🙄

I've only acknowledged that in practically every single one of my replies so far!

This, minus the "you're selfish" part. Just stick to how it made you feel, tell them it's important to you, and ask that they do whatever they need to do to ensure it doesn't happen again.

@whataboutsecondbreakfast but you'd remind them..... why?

If you shouldn't have to, why would you?

To stop them upsetting you? So you don't need to deal with the fall out and make out you're in a great relationship?

Weird!

That is very poor. That would upset me a lot. The selfishness, the lack of respect.

I think you should do a Shirley valentine and just leave.