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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I show woman pictures of her husband on tinder?

154 replies

Northwestsouth · 21/01/2023 12:00

I matched with a guy and found him on tinder. I changed my pictures to his from Facebook (it was 1am lol) and let it unfold…

he denied it was him lol. He said he’s been single since 4 years and also when I mentioned his wife’s name, he claimed he didn’t know her. They have the same surname… been together since teens.

we didn’t meet up so I don’t know if I should let it be….

OP posts:
sentientpuddle · 21/01/2023 13:52

JaneJeffer · 21/01/2023 13:46

Stop lolling please

Read the OP's posts! It was a facetious or slightly sneery response to the OP using LOL as punctuation. It amused me anyway.

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 21/01/2023 13:53

This thread is bonkers!
If it was me I'd have just moved on, changing pictures is weird.

Bookkeys · 21/01/2023 13:54

HuntingoftheSnark · 21/01/2023 12:32

I'm impressed that you could get to his profile on Facebook from a very common first name and a photograph on Tinder. How ...?

It's very easy

ArcticChinchilla · 21/01/2023 13:57

Some of the responses on here are bonkers. I'm not sure how you ended up the bad guy in this situation OP.

FWIW I'm saying well done for showing some fire and calling him out on his sleazy routine. I'm not sure why others (other women?) are berating you for not meekly blocking and moving away. Bonkers.

zingally · 21/01/2023 13:57

This doesn't make much sense. What do you mean, you changed your pictures to him?

Unless the wife is also your sister, or your best friend, just don't get involved. No one will thank you for it. If he's playing away, she'll find out one way or another anyway. Chalk it up as a "not my circus".

ShakespearesBlister · 21/01/2023 13:58

Northwestsouth · 21/01/2023 12:24

”fucking weird thing to do”.

everyone looks on social media. Me doing it early saved many hours of chatting/meeting etc.

Yeah lucky really. I suppose it saved him coming home to find his bunny on the stove eh?

Olive19741205 · 21/01/2023 14:02

SilverGlitterBaubles · 21/01/2023 13:36

Ever wondered why you stalking men in Tinder and social media at 1am OP. Does it give you some kind of thrill to catch men like this out? Is it a revenge thing for something that happened to you perhaps? Seriously look after your own life maybe get out more and stop interfering in the lives of complete strangers.

Wow...men should be allowed to fuck women around, is that what you're saying? He can cheat on his wife and pretend to be single to fool women...and nobody should call him out? Yeah, get real ffs.

Cocobutt · 21/01/2023 14:04

I feel like you knew this man already and are behaving rather unhealthily now in a bid to get some kind of revenge. You’ve put a photo of him on MN. Seek help.

That’s what I think too.

No one’s deranged enough to do this over a complete stranger.

Olive19741205 · 21/01/2023 14:05

SilverGlitterBaubles · 21/01/2023 13:44

@BitOutOfPractice No one is defending anyone. The OP does not know anything about the people concerned other than adding a few bits of information together from stalking social media and jumping to conclusions which she seems absolutely thrilled about. If being some kind of Tinder vigilante is what floats your boat then good luck but that's a pretty bitter and sad life to live.

You don't seem to know what stalking is. Looking at someone's social media profile is absolutely standard these days, employers even do it. If someone has left their profile open and people can see it...how is that stalking?

OrlandointheWilderness · 21/01/2023 14:07

God, I never thought I'd feel sorry for a man trying to cheat on his wife! 😂

Delectable · 21/01/2023 14:15

I saw a guy online during my OLD days years ago. Checked his FB and it was the same photo. I met him before he got married but he'd been married for a bit now. So I asked him on FB if it was him. I'd taken a screenshot. He didn't answer. I've seen he and his wife since and she's in a 6person group on WhatsApp I'm on. She's even been to mine with the group. I didnt bother saying anything.

JaneJeffer · 21/01/2023 14:16

Oh ok @sentientpuddle still bloody annoying to read Grin

pawprintseverywhere · 21/01/2023 14:19

Earworm

I put the packet on the glass

What glass?

The little glass dish in the microwave....

Got it

I close the door...

Which door?

Ect

I get it now you put the pics on your tinder and he took the bait and dropped himself in it by saying "Why are you using my pics" - got it...

Still batshit behaviour though

SilverGlitterBaubles · 21/01/2023 14:41

@Olive19741205 of course it's not ok to cheat but neither is it ok to barge into the lives of complete strangers and cause mayhem. A family member was driven to suicide by allegations made against them by a complete stranger and now two kids no longer have a father and lives have been ruined. What I'm saying is the OP knows nothing of the circumstances of those involved, it's not always as simple as 'he's a cheating bastard' and needs to be taught a lesson.

HuntingoftheSnark · 21/01/2023 14:45

@Bookkeys if I were married and on a dating site, I would be careful not to use a photograph that was anywhere else on the internet. I would also use a subtly different version of my name, and a slight variant on my location. I definitely wouldn't mention the company I worked for or wear clothing like football kit that might identify me. So yes, I'm honestly surprised it's that easy but accept that it must be.

Northwestsouth · 21/01/2023 15:09

WhatsTheLatest · 21/01/2023 13:14

Brilliant @Northwestsouth

Is he still on there?

He’s unmatched so I wouldn’t know

OP posts:
Northwestsouth · 21/01/2023 15:12

LlynTegid · 21/01/2023 13:26

Give him a period of time to remove himself from Tinder, say 24 hours. Or you will let his wife know. Though it must be an undertaking not a threat.

Alternative if you know someone in person who he works with, let them know. Zero sympathy for such men.

I wonder if the planned law on social media should compel Tinder and others to act. Being married or not is fact not opinion. In a way, to lie like this is to seek to get something/somewhere by deception.

When you are unmatched you don’t know

OP posts:
sentientpuddle · 21/01/2023 15:16

JaneJeffer · 21/01/2023 14:16

Oh ok @sentientpuddle still bloody annoying to read Grin

Ha I know, but that was kind of the point! It IS annoying to read. I wasn't really being sneery, just taking the piss a wee bit. I have a friend who punctuates every message with lols. It's really amusing, because she's so lovely, but I do wind her up a bit over it.
I suppose I felt justified mocking the OP because of what she was suggesting she'd be justified doing (i.e. telling the wife).

Beneficialchampion2 · 21/01/2023 15:20

One you can't prove it is him, someone could have skimmed his photos and be impersonating him and your risk jeopardising his marriage for this.

Two you sound like a cunt, whilst I don't condone cheating, I don't condone getting involved with other folks private affairs.

It's none of your business.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/01/2023 15:42

@SilverGlitterBaubles its not “stalking” to look at someone’s open social profiles. In the case of online dating it’s a sensible safety precaution. I look at prospective clients’ LinkedIn profiles daily. Does that make me a stalker? It’s not “sad” or “bitter” to check someone you are potentially going to meet irl before you do. And in this case it’s a bloody good job she did isn’t it?

and she hasn’t “jumped to conclusions”. He’s admitted it’s him.

I wouldn’t tell his wife either. That’s a step too far. But she hasn’t. So you can stop worrying.

Northwestsouth · 21/01/2023 17:42

Beneficialchampion2 · 21/01/2023 15:20

One you can't prove it is him, someone could have skimmed his photos and be impersonating him and your risk jeopardising his marriage for this.

Two you sound like a cunt, whilst I don't condone cheating, I don't condone getting involved with other folks private affairs.

It's none of your business.

It is him.

they are all selfies.

i guess you like being the other women, unknowingly?

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 21/01/2023 19:55

How does them being selfies prove it's him? I don't follow.

You lifted his pictures off Facebook and used them yourself, why couldn't someone else have done the same?

1982mommaof4 · 21/01/2023 21:31

Thank goodness he is married, which fruit bats like you around

WineCap · 21/01/2023 22:26

I would want to know if I was the wife but I know that isn't the MN standard response.

It was a weird way to expose him but the bastard deserved a lot more to be honest. What a pig.

Awk · 21/01/2023 23:05

I mean I think it was pretty genuis after listening to his lies, he must have absolutely shit himself. He will be worried sick now that it was actually someone who knows him and be worrying every time his wife's phone beeps with a message 🤣🤣

But to get involved to the point of telling the wife, I'd say its not your place they are complete strangers. But if you did tell the wife he would deserve it like!

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