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Original poster

Wwyd overheard office bitching session

310 replies

WhaleTanker · 19/01/2023 19:44

I work in an office. I am at the top of the management structure in our office, along with 6 other people who are the same level as me. I am the newest member and only female in this group.

We each have our own projects going on which we manage independently of each other, and then there are some office level projects, staff management, recruitment etc that we all do as a group. We are all accountable to central management which is located in another office, but we are not activley monitored by anyone because we are basically at the top level ourselves.

4 of the 6 leaders decided to have a very bitchy and nasty conversation in an open space in the office about me. I was just around the corner eating my late lunch. I heard every word. it was about 10 mins long. Anyone else could have heard it too, although to be fair I am not sure there was anyone else. Beside the point, anyway.

I am so hurt to hear those things. My heart was beating so hard, I felt sick and I was trying to decide whether to make my presence known and go for confrontation. They dispersed just as I had decided to move and thereby let them know I was there.

What do I do now? Let them know I heard their conversation?

What they did was awful. Had they done it privately, I wouldn't know about it. I am not saying people can't talk about colleagues, obviously they can and do. Just that it sgould a) be more constructive/professional and b) shouldn't be in an open, public space where others can hear. Or do the adult thing and tell me to my face they have a problem so it can be addressed. What they were saying was just nasty stuff and not an actual thing I have done wrong.

If I confront them, it will be horrible and possibly make things worse. Not sure I have the strength to go through massive amounts of confrontation. One of the people in particular is someone who resolves issues through open combat (perhaps that is the best way?). I shy away from conflict if I can.

Or do I say nothing and carry on with festering resentment and hurt?

There are 2 leaders who were not part of this. I don't want to start getting "sides" going. Do I somehow involve them? How?

HR is an option, but in the office structure, we the leaders are basically above them, so it would have to go the the HR person in Central management. That will cause world war 3.

This behaviour needs calling out, I know that. If I as a senior person can't call it out, how can the junior people be expected to speak up.

But how do I do it?

OP posts:
Back2Back2t · 20/01/2023 09:02

OP what we're they saying about you?

Original poster
WhaleTanker · 20/01/2023 09:38

Thank you all again for your thoughts.

I had a call this morning from someone at head office. It appears I wasn't the only one to hear, and the other person who overheard it reported it, including that I was sitting around the corner and may have heard. I haven't been told who it was that reported it, but I confirmed that i heard it all.

The 4 have been spoken to and apparently are mortified.

I don't know what will happen from here. It's out of my control which is partly a relief and partly a bit scary.

I will carry on as normal for now, I think and see what Monday brings. I am wfh today.

OP posts:
StephanieSuperpowers · 20/01/2023 09:40

Well, I must say, I think that's the best possible outcome.

IJustDunno · 20/01/2023 09:41

Thanks for the update OP and has probably worked out well for you.

This isn’t a comment directed at you more some of the other posters but I’m glad someone had
the tenacity to call out behaviour like that.

saraclara · 20/01/2023 09:41

StephanieSuperpowers · 20/01/2023 09:40

Well, I must say, I think that's the best possible outcome.

Agreed. And good on the person who reported it.

PrincessScarlett · 20/01/2023 09:45

So pleased that someone else overheard and thought it serious enough to report it. This sort of workplace behaviour is rife and needs stamping out but often people are too scared to rock the boat.

Extendivecover · 20/01/2023 09:51

Glad someone else reported it. Hope things improve x

Paq · 20/01/2023 09:52

Good outcome OP! Glad a colleague has your back.

AtrociousCircumstance · 20/01/2023 09:53

They should be mortified. I hope they are suitably reprimanded.

Don't feel pressurised to minimise the impact it had on you.

RudsyFarmer · 20/01/2023 09:55

Fantastic. Enjoy getting on with your work in peace 👏

MajesticWhine · 20/01/2023 09:59

Great update Smile

minidancer · 20/01/2023 10:01

Hope you're ok. Look after yourself over the weekend

JenniferBarkley · 20/01/2023 10:04

Oh OP, that is truly excellent news. Bravo to whomever reported it.

cstaff · 20/01/2023 10:13

That's about the best outcome you could have expected. Fair play to your colleague. It's always good to know that someone else has your back.

CSIblonde · 20/01/2023 10:25

Tbh I'd see it as useful knowledge. There's always bitching & backstabbing. Th n, depending who is most useful to me or who I need on side most I'd do a charm offensive only with them . It's worked for me before to divide & conquer some very nasty people who'd driven a good few people out of their job. And put everything work related in writing even if it's a 'just to confirm' meeting actions, discussions had, outcome or decisions: so you cover your back against any sabotage.

Fedupofdiets · 20/01/2023 10:25

I had similar happen to me but I went nuclear! I was supposed to be on a day off and went into work as I had to do an incident form. I was a District Nurse at the time and the workload had been horrific, we were all under immense pressure and it had been so stressful. I walked into work and asked where my manager was to be told she was in the stock cupboard with another manager. I stuck my ear to the door and by some horrible fluke heard them slagging me off saying I needed to 'grow a pair' and that I only worked PT so had nothing to moan about. Out of instinct I flung the door open - their faces were a treat (one of them was already on a warning for bullying) and went mental at them I was so upset at their lack of support, told them they were bullies and that I would be reporting them. I even did a gesture to remove the imaginary knife from my back - safe to say they treated me far better after that incident. I left soon after as it was a toxic environment anyway.

I think it is best that they know you know as it makes them look like unprofessional bullies, hold your head high on monday!

Fancylike · 20/01/2023 10:36

Hepwo · 20/01/2023 01:14

I would be inclined to start playing them all off against each other.

So casually and jokingly say to Fred, hey John said that you told him you thought I was a mosquito murderer!

It's true John said that, but Fred now thinks John has ratted on him to you! You did not say he had but Fred won't know you overheard it.

If you can set them all up individually whilst keeping it at a jokey level you will have undermined their spiteful gang and they will no longer trust each other.

Love how chaotic this is. As an observer, I would do this.

But if it was actually happening to me, I would boringly record notes on everything, sit on it a week, then meet with the big HR to log it.

Ihatethenewlook · 20/01/2023 11:08

Pm hoping for an update Monday 👀

Gardengirl108 · 20/01/2023 11:09

saraclara · 19/01/2023 20:17

OP hasn't given the sex of these colleagues.

Show quote history

yes she did:

‘6 other people who are the same level as me. I am the newest member and only female in this group…
4 of the 6 leaders decided to have a very bitchy and nasty conversation in an open space in the office about me’

niugboo · 20/01/2023 11:09

I am so glad someone else heard and reported it.

not big 4 but I worked in one of the mid tier that was immediately below, not GT, the other. And this is so so typical.

ilovebrie8 · 20/01/2023 11:10

Fab OP that is best that could have happened...shocking behaviour!

purplepandas · 20/01/2023 11:13

Well done Op, you have managed this beautifully. I am so sorry that you had to hear that, so unprofessional of your colleagues. I hope they are stewing today.

JulesJules · 20/01/2023 11:14

I think this is the best outcome. I hope it goes OK on Monday.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 20/01/2023 11:20

WhaleTanker · 20/01/2023 09:38

Thank you all again for your thoughts.

I had a call this morning from someone at head office. It appears I wasn't the only one to hear, and the other person who overheard it reported it, including that I was sitting around the corner and may have heard. I haven't been told who it was that reported it, but I confirmed that i heard it all.

The 4 have been spoken to and apparently are mortified.

I don't know what will happen from here. It's out of my control which is partly a relief and partly a bit scary.

I will carry on as normal for now, I think and see what Monday brings. I am wfh today.

This is good news

I am glad they are mortified

Try to put it out of your mind for now, hard though that is

Comtesse · 20/01/2023 11:21

Assuming they are other partners or directors that is shocking behaviour on their part. That would be bad behaviour at senior associate level never mind anything above that. My Big 4 employer would have a fit about that. I’m glad someone flagged this up. Don’t down play it but don’t go off the deep end either. Really shitty of them to put you in this position.