AIBU?
To not want to drive?
Annie802 · 19/01/2023 11:23
My partner has booked us to go see his friends 300 miles away for a big night out as part of his birthday, I’m a new driver and while I’m comfortable on the motorway I haven’t driven further than 30 miles yet. No reason for not doing it I just haven’t needed to and have a very young baby so only recently feel more confident on the roads.
He didn’t ask me to drive , just assumed that I would drive us there even though I’d prefer to get the train. He doesn’t drive so that’s not an option.
As it’s part of his birthday and he booked hotel (I’m on statutory pay on maternity leave and can’t afford it) I thought ok fine I’ll drive.
We had a miscommunication where I thought we were staying two nights, so one day driving up there, we drop off our baby at his parents and then we go to the next town which is another hour-hour and a half away to meet his friends for a big night out. I thought we would have an extra night to relax after and get over any hangover and then I would drive us back.
He now says no he booked one night, and expects me to drive all the way there, drop off baby, go to his friends, have a big night out, then the next day get our baby and drive home!
I’ve never driven that far before and I’m extremely nervous but he doesn’t see the issue at all. I won’t be able to enjoy the night out either as I now have to really watch what I drink, and he goes back to work the day after we get back.
he won’t pay for the train and I can’t afford the train for both of us, and he won’t take a day off extra from work so we can stay two nights to ease the travel time.
AIBU to just say no to this now? Or should I just drive us and do it.
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Teatime55 · 19/01/2023 12:59
No chance. I drive but I don’t do long distances very often, usually an hour is all I do. When I have done longer i do feel it when I get there.
300 miles and I wouldn’t probably be in the mood to go out anyway.
personally I don’t drive if I’ve had more than I couple of drinks the next day and i try not to drive when I am very tired. It’s not safe.
I remember driving with DH once the day after a party and the drive was hellish, and that was less than 200 miles. We kept having to stop for coffee as we were both so rough and tired.
LumpyandBumps · 19/01/2023 12:59
I am a bit surprised that between 6-7% of votes are that OP is being unreasonable.
I’m genuinely curious why. Would anyone care to share their reasons?
NewFoxOldTricks · 19/01/2023 13:01
How much are you planning to drink that you won't be able to drive the next day??
DuchessofSandwich · 19/01/2023 13:01
It's not fun for you and you're not his personal chauffeur so stay home and let him go on his own. If he doesn't see the problem then he really needs to learn to drive himself.
Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 19/01/2023 13:03
My brother lives 200 miles away and I haven’t ever driven there because it would take far too long with my dogs and wouldn’t be fair to them. No way I hell would I be driving 300 miles with a baby even for a week.
Nip this in the bud now. As you’re learning, it’s rubbish when you’re the only one who drives and everyone expects lifts.
Fundays12 · 19/01/2023 13:04
I am fairly confident driver and have driven for 23 years but no way would I do this. It's far to far for one night plus really not recommended for a baby if they are young to be in a car seat that long. Honestly I would tell him to get a bus and have fun and be stay home. Unfortunately sometimes people do expect drivers to be personal unpaid taxi services so best to nip this in the bud now. I have had people try get me to take my car to places like the school which I walk to myself. The answer is no.
ReneBumsWombats · 19/01/2023 13:05
Annie802 · 19/01/2023 11:42
He can’t be bothered to learn to drive. I’ve been asking him to for the last year but he won’t or has an excuse.
and yes he is quite selfish sometimes. I do the majority of the housework because he doesn’t like doing it and is happy to live in a mess so I’m the mug. But that’s another story
Bonbon21 · 19/01/2023 11:40
Totally out of order for the baby...too long in a car seat even with regular stops...
You shouldnt be drinking ANY alcohol with the return drive in front of you.
And if he is so clever why does HE not have a driving licence??
Let him go alone by whatever means he can find.
Is he always so selfish?.... in which case i would be rethinking the entire relationship...
No, all part of the same story.
You don't have to put up with it. If he's not prepared to accommodate the needs of the driver, for your comfort and everyone's safety, then just refuse to do it. He can stay home, find another means of transport or arrange another night away.
I've said it before many times, but there is no reward for pandering to people like this.
dottiedodah · 19/01/2023 13:05
I would just say No .I have driven for years and think this would be hard going ,Add in the Baby, and the fact you have only just started driving. And it would be a No from me Im afraid! Just say to him you are not happy about it.Can he book a 2nd night at the hotel or as above pp says Two tanks of fuel arent cheap so a train ticket might be the answer
Marblessolveeverything · 19/01/2023 13:06
You are the driver part of that is deciding what is safe. And to be honest going from local to a very long journey isnt going to be great - add in the night out and exhaustion - just no.
He has the option of the train - he can sulk and miss out on everything or he can pull up his big boy pants! Why cant he learn to drive? Not wanting to is not good enough when he is pressuring you to drive.
GrumpyPanda · 19/01/2023 13:06
Experienced driver here. I've often done 400 miles in one go as solo driver. A few times near 2000 km in two days. Relatively little stressed about it. There's no way I would do that kind of distance for a single evening out, even less so if back the next day. Batshit. And that's before you count in the baby who shouldn't be in a car seat that long.
PuggyMum · 19/01/2023 13:07
Would staying at his parents for the second night be an option?
Although even then I think it's a bit much to expect you to do!
Shinyandnew1 · 19/01/2023 13:08
He wants you to drive 10-12 hours and pay £150+ in petrol just so he can do what he wants?! What an arse.
FerretInAFrock · 19/01/2023 13:08
If he’s too mean to pay for the train ticket I’ll guess he was also expecting you to pay for the fuel as well as do all the driving and do the nappy changes and feeds en route. If he’s paid for a Travelodge no doubt he’s booked the cheapest non-refundable option.
Driving all that way, being a sleep-deprived novice driver, in poor wintery conditions, is a recipe for disaster. It’s one thing driving a big car on cruise control long distances. It’ll be extra tiring driving a small hatchback dodging out of the way of lorries on the motorways.
GrumpyPanda · 19/01/2023 13:09
Adding in - if you've never done long drives before you'll be physically shattered. Stiff muscles, shoulder tension. And that's one way. Don't do it.
DuchessofSandwich · 19/01/2023 13:10
Annie802 · 19/01/2023 12:12
He still doesn’t get it and now I’m feeling guilty because now he’s saying his parents won’t get to see our baby. I feel shit
That's not your responsibility. If that's important to him then he needs to take responsibility and learn how to drive. This is his own fault for not stepping up.
I don't think he's a keeper but it's your choice.
EmmaEmerald · 19/01/2023 13:10
Annie802 · 19/01/2023 12:12
He still doesn’t get it and now I’m feeling guilty because now he’s saying his parents won’t get to see our baby. I feel shit
This is nonsense and he knows it
so you pay for everything and do the housework?
TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 19/01/2023 13:10
That’s way too far for a novice driver and I think it’s dangerous. And you have a baby in the car! I’d stay at home and let him get the train.
Tamarindtree · 19/01/2023 13:10
I agree that it’s just too much to drive the 300 miles back home the very next day.
You need an additional day and night of rest before coming home.
Unikeko · 19/01/2023 13:10
Wtaf you aren't his chauffer! You have a baby FFS!
You know you deserve much better. 
ReneBumsWombats · 19/01/2023 13:11
Annie802 · 19/01/2023 12:13
He’s now saying he won’t go at all, refusing to get the train. I’ve tried to offer alternatives but he’s refusing.
i was supposed to pay for fuel too
1987qwerty · 19/01/2023 12:12
Just tell him to have a good time as you won't be going. Wouldn't make any difference but was he expecting you to pay for the fuel as well?
So fuck him. He can have his pity party instead, by himself.
redastherose · 19/01/2023 13:11
- Your baby shouldn't be in the car seat that long,
2. You are a new driver and it can take time to become an accomplished motorway driver,
3. He's selfish for trying to guilt you into agreeing.
Ignore the sulks and 'I won't go if you won't do it shit' and tell him to grow up.
You are not his personal driver and he should be ashamed of asking you to do something that could be dangerous for both you and your baby just so he can enjoy a night out wi to his mates. Then don't engage with him further he needs to understand this is not on.
nonevernotever · 19/01/2023 13:11
I have done a slightly similar trip (300 miles with non driver DH , non driver sister and 6month old niece in winter )once many years ago and never again. Drove down through snow, spent next day cooking before mil 50th birthday party, went to party, drove lots of guests home because weather meant taxis were almost impossible and then realised following morning that weather was due to close in and it was go home that day or not for a week. It was hellish. It took us 11 and a half hours, partly because of the weather, partly because of stopping for baby and partly because I was so tired I had to stop for a nap at one point because it wasn't safe to continue. DH and sister were both supportive, happy to stop whenever I needed and agreed that we would never do that again. From what you've said I can just imagine your not so dear partner hungover, bad tempered, not helping with the baby and encouraging you to continue driving rather than encouraging you to stop as often as you would need. Don't do it.
FerretInAFrock · 19/01/2023 13:12
If he’s balking at the train why can’t he go by coach?
ImBlueDab · 19/01/2023 13:14
Well if he can't be bothered to learn to drive, then I'd not bother drinking him up there.
If his parents want to se the baby they can come to you.
He's being very unreasonable. You'll be shattered, can't drink much as you'll have to drive in the morning, and it's not fair on baby either
Beautiful3 · 19/01/2023 13:14
No way, that's so dangerous. You'll end up falling asleep at the wheel. You can't do a long journey like that, with a baby. I'd suggest that he go alone via train, and I'd stay home with the baby.
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