To not want to drive?

[Annie802]

My partner has booked us to go see his friends 300 miles away for a big night out as part of his birthday, I’m a new driver and while I’m comfortable on the motorway I haven’t driven further than 30 miles yet. No reason for not doing it I just haven’t needed to and have a very young baby so only recently feel more confident on the roads.

He didn’t ask me to drive , just assumed that I would drive us there even though I’d prefer to get the train. He doesn’t drive so that’s not an option.

As it’s part of his birthday and he booked hotel (I’m on statutory pay on maternity leave and can’t afford it) I thought ok fine I’ll drive.

We had a miscommunication where I thought we were staying two nights, so one day driving up there, we drop off our baby at his parents and then we go to the next town which is another hour-hour and a half away to meet his friends for a big night out. I thought we would have an extra night to relax after and get over any hangover and then I would drive us back.

He now says no he booked one night, and expects me to drive all the way there, drop off baby, go to his friends, have a big night out, then the next day get our baby and drive home!

I’ve never driven that far before and I’m extremely nervous but he doesn’t see the issue at all. I won’t be able to enjoy the night out either as I now have to really watch what I drink, and he goes back to work the day after we get back.

he won’t pay for the train and I can’t afford the train for both of us, and he won’t take a day off extra from work so we can stay two nights to ease the travel time.

AIBU to just say no to this now? Or should I just drive us and do it.

[maslinpan]

There seems to be a bit of a theme here, he doesn't do the housework because he doesn't want to, doesn't learn to drive because he wants to, but waits for you to step up on both fronts. How would he operate if you weren't together?

[Labradinger]

I'm a confident driver and have been driving for a long time. I once drove from Somerset to Manchester and back in 2 days, and I would never do it again. It was really tiring, so I absolutely wouldn't be doing this if you are a new driver and especially with a baby in the care. You definitely aren't bu.

[littlemousebigcheese]

I couldn't do it, too much, too far, too scary. I have never driven on a motorway either and that alone would put me off but the whole situation sounds hellish for you whilst he gets to just sit and relax?! Both in the car and at the wedding?! Nope

[FayCarew]

I'm an experienced driver and would not drive a 300 mile trip unless I had to.
If I had to do the journey with the passenger, who was an experienced driver, fair enough, but I wouldn't want to do it with a non-driver.

If I had a baby, young child or a pet in the car, it would make me far more anxious, and it would make the journey feel two or three times as long.

Time for your DP to learn to drive himself.

[ifonly4]

Neither of us would relish driving 300 miles, so we'd split it. He could drive first half, leaving him to have a doze if necessary so he's not tired for evening out. Then next morning you drive the first half, giving him chance to have a rest, get any alcohol out of his system.

Given the distance, is some of it motorway driving? If so, I doubt you've got much experience, so wouldn't be the best thing to do.

Also, are you living together? If so, given that you've had his baby, would be nice and much easier if you could work together financially as a team/family. It can work both ways over the years.

[whattodo1975]

Why doesn't he drive ?

[whattodo1975]

@Annie802

He can’t be bothered to learn to drive. I’ve been asking him to for the last year but he won’t or has an excuse.
and yes he is quite selfish sometimes. I do the majority of the housework because he doesn’t like doing it and is happy to live in a mess so I’m the mug. But that’s another story

He can’t be bothered to learn to drive. I’ve been asking him to for the last year but he won’t or has an excuse.
and yes he is quite selfish sometimes. I do the majority of the housework because he doesn’t like doing it and is happy to live in a mess so I’m the mug. But that’s another story.

Never in a million years would i have had a kid with a bloke like that.

Brace yourself for a shit time ahead as things wont get easier now you have a child together.

[Musicaltheatremum]

I've driven for years all over the place...6 lane highways in LA!! but wouldn't do this. We drove 400 miles on new year's day but we shared it so we each got a break every 90-120 minutes.

[JudgeRudy]

That's shit OP. So I'm guessing you won't be drinking much either if you're expected to drive back the next morning. I would want that.
Tbh though if the party is a Saturday night I'd have been quite surprised if I was staying Sunday evening too.
I guess one option is for him to go on his own. Yes, he'll have to get the train but it's just one fair. Maybe that will motivate him to learn to drive. Is there a reason he doesn't?

[MaverickGooseGoose]

Your basically his glorified taxi, fuck that shit. I like driving, don't mind a long drive at all, but not the night after a big night out where presumably you will have to check out by 10/11am, you need to be very careful that you are not still over the limit.

He needs to learn to drive or you stop taxiing him around.

[katand2kits]

I've been driving over 20 years now. I would not drive 300 miles in one go. I wouldn't even want to drive that far in a day. If your partner was going to share the driving with you and do half each, that would be doable, but asking one person to drive 300 miles in one go is unreasonable, particularly if the driver is not confident. It is a good 5 hours of driving!

[1987qwerty]

Just tell him to have a good time as you won't be going. Wouldn't make any difference but was he expecting you to pay for the fuel as well?

[Annie802]

He still doesn’t get it and now I’m feeling guilty because now he’s saying his parents won’t get to see our baby. I feel shit

[Annie802]

@1987qwerty

Just tell him to have a good time as you won't be going. Wouldn't make any difference but was he expecting you to pay for the fuel as well?

He’s now saying he won’t go at all, refusing to get the train. I’ve tried to offer alternatives but he’s refusing.
i was supposed to pay for fuel too

[Lividity]

This might be a relationship ender for you, I’m afraid. It’s going to show you what a waste of space he is.

Please don’t be bullied into saying it’s fine. It’s unsafe and you have a tiny baby.

His options:

Pay an extra night
Pay for the train for both of you
Pay for the train for himself and blame his lack of ability to his parents.

[Clymene]

He's an absolute arsehole to you and your baby. But you know that. What are you going to do about it?

[Disneyforaweek]

That's a long way to go for such a short time!

That could be what 4-5 hours driving, plus stops for the baby, plus a stop to drop the baby off and settle them before carrying on.

You then wouldn't be able to drink much because you'll have to leave quite early to do all that in reverse again the next day, you'll be knackered.

Driving such long distances is so tiring due to the concentration, I've done a couple of 3 hour trips since having my daughter and I had to stop for coffee twice each time because I was so tired and felt like if I didn't I'd be in danger of falling asleep at the wheel!

[Irishfarmer]

Not a hope would I do that. I have done a 650 mile journey alone in 1 day. But I was 23 and without a baby, it was in Australia and I didn't need to turn off the highway!

No way would I be doing 300miles with a baby it is way too far. Then to have a night out and go home the next day you'd be exhausted. Tell him get the train.

[MavisMcMinty]

Haven’t seen a single post backing your partner’s POV though, @Annie802 . Even experienced drivers on here would balk at 300 miles 2 days running. He doesn’t understand driving because he doesn’t drive himself. You are justified in not wanting to do it, as a new inexperienced driver with a baby in the car!

[MintChocCornetto]

i was supposed to pay for fuel too

Of course you were. This Prince among men world never dip his hand in his pocket to help his partner. And you'd probably fund his drinking as well as you would be staying sober to drive back home.

[Emmamoo89]

YANBU X

[2013isback]

Just say no, of course. If you think you can't do it comfortably and safely, it would be crazy to try. (And even if you don't want to do it, that is your choice as well.)

It's possible that he as a non-driver doesn't understand that it can be a learning process even after you have the licence, and assumes it's like flipping a switch. However, it's completely unreasonable of him to insist on your driving, and driving according to his schedule, after you have clearly told him that you're not comfortable/able.

If he can't afford the train, is coach an option?

[SamphirethePogoingStickerist]

That's fine. Let him sulk. Let him lose out on his birthday, his parents on meeting the GC.

Seems he hasn't learned a few life lessons. Like he is an adult now. He has to discuss such things, not demand like a truculent teen. He is a parent and his child deserves better.

Think about it. You are a new driver with few miles under your belt. He wants you to drive hundreds of miles to taxi him to a piss up and then back again the next day.

He hasn't thought about your comfort, the safety of his child or anything other than his desire to party with his mates. And has the nerve to say that his parents will miss meeting the GC because of you!

Let him sulk. Do not apologise. Tell him only that when something is not possible then it simply is not possible. He needs to grow up, fast.

[OwwwMuuuum]

I’m sorry OP, I don’t much like the sound of your DP and god knows I’m married to a right shithead sometimes. You know it’s wrong for him to behave like this right?

[NoMoreLifts]

I think it's actually the same story. You do it, he benefits.