Ex taking photos of injury

[Topclassdad]

Firstly, sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong bit, I'm new here, so apologies.

I'm 50/50 co-parenting dad and doing a damn good job so far! But, I hit a bump in the road yesterday when i found out my ex had take a photo of an injury that my son (6yrs) sustained while I was playing with him at softplay.

He got a carpet burn on his back after I pulled him along the floor for a bit. He didn't show any distress at the time, or if he did it was very well hidden in his laughter!

After picking him up from school a few days later he told me that his mum had taken a photo of his back. Maybe I'm wrong, but alarm bells immediately started ringing. I asked him why and he said 'it was so she could show a doctor' (he later decided this doctor part wasn't true, but might have changed his mind because he thought he'd said too much and was in trouble?).

I was really annoyed about her taking a photo - it felt immediately like she was 'gathering evidence'. I challenged her on it and she was very defensive saying "its really bad". It's not, it just looks worse than it is! Its a carpet burn! Who hasn't had one of them before?

Well, now I feel like a can of worms has been opened and the lid can't be put back on. Do I now have to take photos of injuries he gets while playing football? From playing with friends? Do I take photos when i find mark on him to explain 'it wasn't me'! Do I start taking photos of injuries I find when I get him back from her? What was previously an amicable separation feels likes it's turned into a very dark alley!

Any advice appreciated.

Anyone dragging a child over carpet aggressively enough to cause a burn deserves all the MN vitriol they get. Mother or father.

The act of dragging is enough to cause a carpet, or ‘friction’ burn on the skin and it only takes a few seconds to get one.
No need to twist your own narrative into it and try to make out the op was doing anything aggressively.

Yip. This. What do you actually mean by this anyway?

YANBU for giving him a carpet burn accidentally (these things happen, lesson learned) but YABVU for getting so weird about her taking a photo.

If your son said the photo was to show a doctor, and your relationship has so far been amicable, why don't you just take that at face value first, before jumping to dark assumptions.

Perhaps she felt it looked worse than you felt it did so felt it might need treatment. Perhaps it started getting worse after you'd dropped him off (as a few PPs have explained is common with carpet burns), or perhaps it started hurting him later on. Our GP is still doing mostly phone consultations for minor things like that, where they ask you to send in a picture of the rash/ailment.

Why don't you TALK to her about it? Ask her if she did take him to the doctors and get any cream for it, ask her if it got any worse.

I've taken photos of injuries before that my kids have done from falls or hanged heads etc to ask for advice on if something needs to be looked at. Do you otherwise have a good co parenting relationship? Could you talk to her about it? Tell her your concerns, explain again how it happened? See if you can get more of an understanding of her motive. It's probably innocent but you should be able to talk to her about it

In my experience, when men OR women profess to be amazing parents, there is always room for improvement. Most of us would feel guilty about unintentionally hurting our kids, not get defensive.

Banged heads not "hanged" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣Jesus! Why does it not let you edit

Since Covid, my GP wants a photo of any kind of injury sent to them before they will decide if they see you for it. I think it's pretty standard. Perhaps the carpet burn was quite bad and she wanted to see if it needed treatment.

In my opinion, and it looks like hundreds of other posters saying the same thing here, it was 'aggressively' done during rough play. I've had carpet burns before. I know how they're caused, but thank you for educating me on it.

Yes, people seem to be missing this. To get a bad carpet burn it's not enough to just pull a young child across a rough carpet against the grain. You'd need to be applying some pressure on the child in order for its back to be pressed hard enough against the floor to cause the burn.

Like the weight of the child’s body ?

Injuries like this happen all the time at soft play particularly on the slides. It's friction. If their top rides up they can easily get burn like injuries. The point is that it was not deliberate and the kid wasnt bothered. Dont worry but be more wary in future and maybe even preempt stuff by explaning wounds to your ex in advance of him seeing them (ive done this a few times)

The amount of parents on this thread minimising dragging a child over carpet is shameful! And dressing it up and just a bit of 'rough play', 'the child was laughing so he was obviously having fun' is really worrying.

Thank god for safeguarding, I hope the school picks this up.

In my opinion, and it looks like hundreds of other posters saying the same thing here, it was 'aggressively' done during rough play. I've had carpet burns before. I know how they're caused, but thank you for educating me on it.

well it appears that you and plenty others on this thread need educating what a ‘friction burn’ is.
Suggesting it was aggressively done, implies it was done intentionally to hurt. There is a difference between a bit of hijinks play and dragging someone across the floor in anger, that some mumsnetters are desperate to suggest.

The amount of parents on this thread minimising dragging a child over carpet is shameful! And dressing it up and just a bit of 'rough play', 'the child was laughing so he was obviously having fun' is really worrying.

The amount of parents on this thread desperate to interpret a bit of rough play as something sinister, is really quite sad.

I've never injured my children while playing with them. Even during a bit of 'rough and tumble' play with boisterous boys. I find some of your comments absolutely disgusting if I'm honest. I work in radiology and regularly have to xray children, with non accidental injuries, caused by their parents 'hijinks' and they are full of the same bullshit excuses as you and the OP. Revolting!

To all the people arguing about whether any injury is sinister, I've lost count of the number of times my pre schooler has banned their head/elbow/etc while I've been playing with them, but I think it's a great way to learn and build our relationship and help him to be well adjusted.
In the other side, the amount of times I've struggled to deal with my own feelings and had to step away for a few minutes etc, would not cause any injury but I consider those times are the real danger to our relationship and his wellbeing.
There are limits, but sometimes the real danger comes from being too careful.

Nope. I'd still think the OP was a shit parent if he were a woman. Any parent who drags their kid fast enough to give them a carpet burn is incompetent

I take pictures of injuries, whoever my child was with at the time including if he was with me.

To all the people arguing about whether any injury is sinister, I've lost count of the number of times my pre schooler has banned their head/elbow/etc while I've been playing with them

Did they bang their head/elbow/etc while you were swinging them around by the feet? If not, then it's not comparable.

It your child was returned to you with an injury would you not be concerned? If you had said you were a woman and your ex (male) had taken photos of injuries your child received whilst in your care I would have though good on him. My ex wouldn’t even notice or care if my kids had injuries. He doesn’t even seem to notice when our youngest is struggling to breathe. She phones me to pick her up and I ask why he hasn’t helped her with her inhaler. He shrugs and eye rolls. I’d rather he be concerned. I’d rather he cared.

Don't know what the back story is but just wanted to say that carpet burns look horrendous. Ds got one on his face just by running down a corridor, tripping and falling on a carpet. I was watching him.and.still.don't understand how he can have such a massive bruise by just falling on a carpet. At the time he cried but didn't seem seriously hurt. Now it looks really severe.

So I can understand that your ex is worried and I can understand that you don't think it's a big deal. I know my son's isn't a big deal because I saw it happen but if I hadn't seen it happen I would have suspected something much more serious had happened to cause such a big bruise.

When will men in mumsnet realise they should post as women in order to get a fair response

The faux bonhomie writing style marks him out as a man more clearly than any pronouns ever would.

The point I was making is that the weight of a typical 6 year old child's body alone is probably not enough to cause a serious carpet burn. If I was the mother I would be asking whether there was also some pressure applied to the child's body.

there is a reason why carpet burns generally get come by during wrestling or sex (as a PP rather vulgarly boasted). It's because it's not the movement per se but movement plus pressure from someone else's body or some other external weight.

I've never injured my children while playing with them. Even during a bit of 'rough and tumble' play with boisterous boys. I find some of your comments absolutely disgusting if I'm honest. I work in radiology and regularly have to xray children, with non accidental injuries, caused by their parents 'hijinks' and they are full of the same bullshit excuses as you and the OP. Revolting!

Well aren't you just amazing and perfect that your children have never had any accidental injuries. Well done you.

Yes, she’s gathering evidence. The injury was reckless on your part. She’s likely going to take this further.

His school may also notice it (e.g. if changing for PE or doing swimming lessons so if it looks bad she may be keeping a record of when it was noticed in case it comes back to bite her. A bad carpet burn was probably a bit reckless but if you are not in the habit of inadvertently causing this or other injuries then I doubt it is going to go anywhere and she probably isn't going to say anything. If bad-looking injuries happen when he is with you maybe you should take picks and keep a note with the pics of what happened so you can refer back to it if it escalates and you need to defend yourself.