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Original poster

Ex taking photos of injury

179 replies

Topclassdad · 19/01/2023 06:24

Firstly, sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong bit, I'm new here, so apologies.

I'm 50/50 co-parenting dad and doing a damn good job so far! But, I hit a bump in the road yesterday when i found out my ex had take a photo of an injury that my son (6yrs) sustained while I was playing with him at softplay.

He got a carpet burn on his back after I pulled him along the floor for a bit. He didn't show any distress at the time, or if he did it was very well hidden in his laughter!

After picking him up from school a few days later he told me that his mum had taken a photo of his back. Maybe I'm wrong, but alarm bells immediately started ringing. I asked him why and he said 'it was so she could show a doctor' (he later decided this doctor part wasn't true, but might have changed his mind because he thought he'd said too much and was in trouble?).

I was really annoyed about her taking a photo - it felt immediately like she was 'gathering evidence'. I challenged her on it and she was very defensive saying "its really bad". It's not, it just looks worse than it is! Its a carpet burn! Who hasn't had one of them before?

Well, now I feel like a can of worms has been opened and the lid can't be put back on. Do I now have to take photos of injuries he gets while playing football? From playing with friends? Do I take photos when i find mark on him to explain 'it wasn't me'! Do I start taking photos of injuries I find when I get him back from her? What was previously an amicable separation feels likes it's turned into a very dark alley!

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 19/01/2023 07:27

PennyRa · 19/01/2023 07:02

You really should have taken a picture of it as soon as it happened in case a doctor needs to see it and you can track the progress to make sure that it is healing properly.

Surely your phone has a camera? If so I can't see an excuse why you didn't take one and send it to ex

That's absurd. I've never taken a photo of my kids injuries in their lives, if it looks that bad I'd get a medical opinion.
It would have been better if OP had explained what gad happened on handover though, rather than get all defensive. And dragging a 6 year old along the floor could very well lead to carpet burns so hopefully OP has learned his lesson on that one.

Jimboscott0115 · 19/01/2023 07:30

The carpet burn is something I'd probably make note of if my ex-wife had the kids and they came with them. Not for evidence but just in case it wasn't a one off or similar.

There's two things. Stop being so rough with your kids that you're giving actual carpet burns. That's on you and easily fixed secondly, communicate about the injury and then let it slide. If there's no evidence of actual abuse and your son is happy, so what? But you could have avoided this one by being actually careful with your kid.

superdupernova · 19/01/2023 07:30

Did she tell you why you took the photo when you asked? She could have posted it on a Facebook group or on here asking what to put on it or if she needed to see a doctor. I used to be on a Facebook group for skincare and some of the women were obsessed about the tiniest marks on their children's skin.

Soontobe60 · 19/01/2023 07:31

Quinoawoman · 19/01/2023 07:25

Carpet burns can 100% be accidental. I gave my self burns sliding down the stairs (on purpose, indoor sledging on bin bags) when I was a kid. I don't see anything suspicious here. I think it's just worse than you thought so she's taking photos for medical reasons.

The OP has said that HE caused the injury. Therefore it wasn’t an accident as such. An accidental carpet burn injury would be if a child had slipped whilst running and slid across the carpet. An adult dragging a child along the floor isn’t accidental.

napody · 19/01/2023 07:32

You really shouldn't have grilled your son and made him feel nervous and caught in the middle. Poor kid. Did you apologise to him when you hurt him? Do you ever admit when you've made a mistake?

Peoniesandcream · 19/01/2023 07:43

I wouldn't be happy if my toddlers dad dragged him along a floor and gave him carpet burns either. But he wouldn't because he's not stupid.

Quinoawoman · 19/01/2023 07:44

Even if she is suspicious, it doesn't necessarily mean anything.

A few years ago, DH was playing with our kids (6 and 2). He had one by each arm and was spinning them round. They wanted him to lift them up so he did. My youngest started screaming, looked like a broken arm. He took her to hospital and it turned out he'd given her an elbow pull - like a dislocated elbow. If I hadn't seen it happen and he hadn't told me about it but one of the kids had informed me later, I would have been livid. It's only because I saw it happen, knew no harm was intended and was kept in the loop the whole time that I was okay with it (apart from the child screaming in pain part).

Just make surr you keep her in the loop in future.

Quinoawoman · 19/01/2023 07:45

Soontobe60 · 19/01/2023 07:31

The OP has said that HE caused the injury. Therefore it wasn’t an accident as such. An accidental carpet burn injury would be if a child had slipped whilst running and slid across the carpet. An adult dragging a child along the floor isn’t accidental.

Show quote history

It's accidental if no harm was intended.

I slid down the stairs on purpose so would you say I self harmed?

rogueone · 19/01/2023 07:47

My worry on reading your OP and minimising the burn it that then burn was obtained when your were dragging your child across the floor in anger. The fact the poor kid was worried he was in trouble says a lot. If I was a grandmother and saw that on my grandchild I would be worried especially when his mother tried to minimise it

Izzy24 · 19/01/2023 07:49

Nimbostratus100 · 19/01/2023 07:11

It's not, it just looks worse than it is!

Hmm. Burns dont "look worse than they are". They look as bad as they are.

This.

Reugny · 19/01/2023 07:49

RedHelenB · 19/01/2023 07:27

That's absurd. I've never taken a photo of my kids injuries in their lives, if it looks that bad I'd get a medical opinion.
It would have been better if OP had explained what gad happened on handover though, rather than get all defensive. And dragging a 6 year old along the floor could very well lead to carpet burns so hopefully OP has learned his lesson on that one.

Show quote history

I have and so have doctors.

Though in my DDs case they weren't injuries they were weird marks on her skin due to illness.

I've also had to take pictures of my own skin which I later sent to my GP.

rogueone · 19/01/2023 07:50

Sorry for typos - it should have read my worry on reading your op and minimising the burn is that the burn was

Craghopper1 · 19/01/2023 07:52

Carpet burns are horrible - I had them on my arms when I fell down some carpeted stairs. Agony. My concern would be that you didn't seem to realise you were hurting him.

Chowtime · 19/01/2023 07:53

OP can you show us a picture? It might be worse than you think it is.

Also, I've never known a soft play area to have carpets in either.

Ell95 · 19/01/2023 07:54

Nah- that's weird sorry. Seems like she's plotting against you

strumpert · 19/01/2023 07:54

I'd have taken a picture too.

NerrSnerr · 19/01/2023 07:56

Did you tell her about the injury and what happened?

Taking a photo is fair enough, my daughter had an allergic reaction the other day and I took a photo and sent it with the e consult for the GP, it was also useful as you could then look and see any changes over the hours/ days.

It would ring alarm bells for me as an ex if you had minimised what had happened and brushed it off as almost nothing. If you had admitted that you'd fucked up on handover and realised you were too rough I'd be happier as it would be less likely to happen again.

icelollycraving · 19/01/2023 08:00

I don’t think I’ve seen carpet in a soft play. I’d be concerned if my child came home with carpet burns tbh. I’d also take photos.

SeasonFinale · 19/01/2023 08:03

When you took him home did you tell her about the burn? Because if you hadn't that would maybe ring alarm bells and thus she took the picture.

Blabla81 · 19/01/2023 08:05

icelollycraving · 19/01/2023 08:00

I don’t think I’ve seen carpet in a soft play. I’d be concerned if my child came home with carpet burns tbh. I’d also take photos.

Our local one always had carpet in the toddler area - quite a big area - sort of that squishy type flooring with a furry carpety top layer - this is probably the type of thing the OP is referring to.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 19/01/2023 08:07

I’ve taken pictures of dc back to show them the injury.
I’m assuming you didn’t mention the injury at hand over and the mum is covering herself in case a pattern occurs. You need to speak up openly if dc gets any injury in your care or you encourage distrust.

Lachimolala · 19/01/2023 08:08

I think you’re overreacting quite a lot. Do you do this with her often? What do you mean by ‘challenged’ why didn’t you just ask normally?

Perhaps she had to send them to the GP? There’s no appointments in person at mine for stuff like this, I had to take a photo of my sons eczema on his legs and feet the other week and upload them on the link the GP gave me to get some medication sent to out pharmacy.

Beamur · 19/01/2023 08:09

Look at this from your ex's POV. Child comes home with an injury, it's really not unreasonable of her to have concerns. Yes, accidents happen, but also not unreasonable of her to make note and ask how it happened.
The fact your son is trying to second guess the 'right' thing to say here is actually really sad. The adults need to communicate with each other here and not via a little boy caught in the middle.
Don't jump to being defensive, be pro-active but take responsibility for the fact that you did hurt your child albeit accidentally.

BatshitBanshee · 19/01/2023 08:10

Did you actually tell her about the carpet burn when you dropped him off? Because if not then her child has come home with a burn on his back and no explanation, I'd worry too.

I also take pics of DC's injuries so I can monitor if they get worse or spread - I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's more likely if you didn't say what it was that she took a pic of it to show a pharmacist if it spread to see what could be put on it.
And stop minimising, carpet burns on kiddy skin can be awful.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/01/2023 08:11

It'll be seen at school.

'Can you tell me what happened?'

'Daddy dragged me across the carpet'.

'Why are you making a fuss, everybody gets carpet burns, it just looks nasty, this is his Mum's doing, isn't it, I'm a great Dad, me?'

Your ex is the least of your worries.