Ex taking photos of injury

[Topclassdad]

Firstly, sorry if I'm posting this in the wrong bit, I'm new here, so apologies.

I'm 50/50 co-parenting dad and doing a damn good job so far! But, I hit a bump in the road yesterday when i found out my ex had take a photo of an injury that my son (6yrs) sustained while I was playing with him at softplay.

He got a carpet burn on his back after I pulled him along the floor for a bit. He didn't show any distress at the time, or if he did it was very well hidden in his laughter!

After picking him up from school a few days later he told me that his mum had taken a photo of his back. Maybe I'm wrong, but alarm bells immediately started ringing. I asked him why and he said 'it was so she could show a doctor' (he later decided this doctor part wasn't true, but might have changed his mind because he thought he'd said too much and was in trouble?).

I was really annoyed about her taking a photo - it felt immediately like she was 'gathering evidence'. I challenged her on it and she was very defensive saying "its really bad". It's not, it just looks worse than it is! Its a carpet burn! Who hasn't had one of them before?

Well, now I feel like a can of worms has been opened and the lid can't be put back on. Do I now have to take photos of injuries he gets while playing football? From playing with friends? Do I take photos when i find mark on him to explain 'it wasn't me'! Do I start taking photos of injuries I find when I get him back from her? What was previously an amicable separation feels likes it's turned into a very dark alley!

Any advice appreciated.

Anyone dragging a child over carpet aggressively enough to cause a burn deserves all the MN vitriol they get. Mother or father.

Aggressively? They were at soft play and the child was laughing.

She has to give her kid over to a man she is no longer in a relationship with, and then he comes back with a mark on his back. It’s upsetting. I would be upset. Did you mention it to her when you handed him back? Or just ignored it and hoped she wouldn’t notice/ didn’t notice yourself? Maybe everything has been going well, but now because of this she has started to wonder if you are taking good enough care of him.

Oops

I ment your ex wife if she is under social services support obviously she will under pressure to justify explain to them about any accidents your children may have.

It's obviously the nature of the beast (social services 🙄,
Obviously children by their very curious exploring ways nature will sometimes ect have accidents,
Social services everyone knows this.

Could it be that she was getting a Dr to look at it and perhaps filling in an econsult where you can add photos? That's assuming that you have a good relationship with her normally, and there's no back story. My friend's husband's ex is always playing games and will do ANYTHING to cause trouble, usually using the kids in her games, so if it was her doing this, I'd be deeply suspicious!

You should have told her about the injury.

And no it's not normal. I've never injured my children.

So her child has returned after being with you with a friction burn on his back (which even you admit looks bad), you are minimising the injury by insisting it "looks worse than it is" and when you discover that she's taking possible safeguarding steps you decide to confront her?

She sounds vigilant and responsible.

@saraclara so? The child is now injured and the other parent is actually concerned about said injury.

it's pretty shitty to have a carpet burn, from your dad, and your dad didn't tell your mum about it at handover.
So maybe that's why she took a photo?
Do you often send him back with unexplained bumps and bruises?
How would you feel if he turned up at yours with a carpet burn on his back and no explanation?

You need to communicate more.

Yes, of course. But where did you get aggressive from? The incident wasn't aggressive. Father and son were having fun

Of course carpet burns can happen accidentally, OP and his son were horsing around, a t-shirt rides up and unfortunately carpet burn happens. At least op doesn’t take his child to soft play and ignore him for a few hours while he scrolls on his phone. Kids love messing around with their dad.
The time to worry is when it happens on a regular occurrence.

You shouldn't be injuring him by rough play. A lot of Dad's do it with boys, but it isn't fair. Neither is quizzing them during contact time. You should have taken a picture, if you are parenting 50/50 and the school bring it up, you'd be able to explain it. Both of you are answerable to the school and each other. As said the picture could have been taken to show a chemist. You don't get to tell her that it isn't bad, if she thinks that it is then she can act in a way that she considers to be acting in the best interests of your son. As you can.

@saraclara carpet burns don't just happen on their own. An adult dragging a child across the floor with such force ti cause a burn is done aggressively. It doesn't matter if play was involved.

I'm really confused about why you wouldn't have told her, and taken your son or a photo to the pharmacy for advice on treatment. Accidents can happen, but being a father means you have to actually step up to manage the next steps. Talk to your ex, apologise for not informing her and ask her how she thinks it's healing.

The 2nd sentence of OP says 50/50 co-parenting dad. The OP wasn't hiding their sex.

It's interesting though that you didn't read that properly but then assumed from the ex being a woman that the OP was a man.

I mean the username Top Class Dad gave it away no?

Aggressively? They were at soft play and the child was laughing.

yes, and it happens. Haven't any of you got carpet burns from having sex in the living room or wherever? You don't always notice at the time.

So assuming the handover happened the same day, so Dad of the Year here didn't get the kid's jammies on or anything and see it, we might think, fair enough, he didn't see it and the child didn't mention it.

Or if you were the mum you might think "fuck me, how did that happen, what is it?" and take a photo because as we know - if it is abuse, it has to start somewhere. If it's an accident it's fine, but meh, dad didn't mention it. Wonder why?

etc etc etc

Haa! Also this. I don't really ever bother reading usernames so didn't spot it.

Unlikely the 6 year old lied about the showing the doctor part- I very much doubt a child of that age would draw a conclusion like that entirely by himself.
How did he get a carpet burn in soft play? Every soft play I’ve been to has padded mats on the floor? I find this bit confusing tbh.
I could maybe imagine one of my sons getting a carpet burn after a bit of tough housing play at home with their dad, the boys love to wrestle and it can go too far in a nano second- but not at soft play? I think you need to talk to her about how it happened.

Why the dramatic use of “such force” ? carpet burns can happen with the lightest of brushes. I was holding a piece of string and my teen pulled it and caused an abrasion on my hand. It happens. It’s an accident.

Lesson learned, I guess. 🤷‍♂️ I'm willing to bet that if I posted this as a women I wouldn't get quite so many people accusing me of being a child abuser. Live and learn I guess. Thanks to everyone for sharing their opinions. Even if it was about a soft play centre having a carpet!!! 🤦🏻‍♂️

@Bikeybikeface it's an accident that shouldn't have happened. If you're fine to let an adult drag your child across a carpet, go for it. The mother was clearly concerned enough to take a photo. Which shows, to me and many others here, that this father is minimising how bad this burn is.

Apologies for being such a 'dramatic' hysterical woman when a child has clearly been injured by an adult! Oh the shame!

You said it looks worse than it is. But only you know that because only you pulled your son along a carpet whilst he laughed. I’ve taken pics of kids injuries for all sorts of reasons - so they themselves can see it out of curiosity if it in a hard to see place, if it happened at school and I suspect very rough play…

You are overreacting. If your ex didn’t approach you and challenge on the injury then I don’t see the issue here.

Carpet burns are sore as fuck and can infected easily.

Maybe stop that sort of roughhousing.

This. You have done something wrong and know it. You are deflecting onto her and making her reaction the problem and building your justifications.
Shes done nothing wrong. Maybe look at your own behaviour before trying to demonise hers.