AIBU to not discuss my life story at work?

[HangryBerd]

My work is conducting training which tells us that we need to share our life stories, disclose what makes us "us", be vulnerable, share our emotions. If we don't, we are told that we're being anti-inclusion. My colleagues and manager are therefore having a go at me for being too private.

I'm finding this really upsetting as I'll chat to anyone about many things but there are aspects that are very difficult to talk about. They're nothing to do with work and quite frankly nobody else's business.

AIBU to stand my ground?

Your boss obviously has no understanding of psychological safety - where you are in control of what you share at all times. You shouldn't be forced to discuss anything. I would maybe turn it on its head and have some fun with it. Only talk about what you want and make it light. They dont know what's true and what isnt.

Have you asked whoever is expecting you to share such personal information whether they checked the legality of this with the legal department?

I live in Switzerland and, over here, employment law specifies that employee personal data may only be processed by an employer to the extent that such data concerns the employee’s suitability for the job or is necessary for the performance of the employment contract.

I hope there are similar provisions wherever you are.

So here I would be saying that I am still highly traumatised by killing 25 Taliban on active duty in Afghanistan while escaping my vile family and the paparazzi who hounded my mother to death and have now started on my wife. I would talk about the trauma I endured when my todger got frostbite in Antarctica just before my only brother’s wedding and how my stepmother plotted to take the crown and rehabilitate her image by selling stories about me to the tabloid press and how it’s been so stressful, I’ve felt the need to do ‘shrooms in Courtney Cox’s house and then a peddle bin started talking to me. And that is not the half of it.

This is awful. I've never heard of such a thing. Life I'm the workplace has certainly changed since I worked in London.
No no no. Tell them no and don't do it. I'd probably look for a new job. Good luck.

There is another thread on MN right now about someone who went through a workplace workshop like this and found the deeply personal stories quite traumatic to hear. It is wholly inappropriate. Is this an American company OP? They are usually at the forefront of this nonsense.

I would push back to your senior management/ HR and say you think this is really inappropriate and people should at least be able to gracefully opt out. Companies buy in all kinds of rubbish training or have over enthusiastic people who've never had a problem designing it. They might just need reining in.
Also if you get through the course intact you can let loose on the feedback questionnaire.

I've been on some targeted management training that has gone into personal experiences a bit, the sort of thing where you are with people from all over the company in a small group in a hotel, where you would probably never see them again. That's very different to being expected to share personal stuff with your immediate team for no particular reason.

There is a very old (and outrageously unwoke) joke from way back when where the punchline is a reply to the accusation "You're taking the piss" of "well you started it."

Applies here, wherever pronouns are demanded, and a whole load more.

YADNBU I would be maintaining professional boundaries and personal ones. It’s not anti-inclusion to want to maintain your own privacy. I think the framing of it in that way is manipulative. Many of us have had traumatic or overwhelming experiences and to share them with the randoms you meet at the kettle is absolutely ridiculous. Only share what you’re comfortable with. “I went to school, I have a sibling, my first pet was a goldfish, I enjoy blah blah”. Other people will not be comfortable with this either!!

Oh my God this is awful for a workplace, totally blurring the boundaries and your worry really came over in your post. I would hate this. There was a suggestion in my job about instituting chats where we all talk about one thing, personal things, you're happy about or looking forward to and one thing causing you concern or worry in your life and I found the prospect horrifying. I like my colleagues and my immediate colleagues know bits about my life but only what I choose to share when I choose to share it in the course of normal conversation. I feelike a lot of this stuff is Americanised and completely unnecessary.

How poor is your imagination that you can’t understand the difference between ‘opening up’ and ‘tell us about your step dad who abused you’

You can still be vulnerable and not tell the world everything in your past.

There are lots of things you "can" be.

Whether you should is another matter.

The vast majority of humans aren’t this uptight, hence why such initiatives are in place across many workplaces and operate just fine

The vast majority of humans aren’t this uptight, hence why such initiatives are in place across many workplaces and operate just fine

It's already been explained as to why this is not appropriate for the workplace setting. Nothing to do with being uptight.

Hmmmm well I'd rather be thought of as uptight than try to lie about my childhood of which I remember little, lie more generally or tell the truth which would upset some people that currently my life is divine. Not a single issue, not even money worries, family worries, no MH problems, nothing in fact.

Unless it's ok to delve into the real horror parts of my life? I dont think anyone but my therapist needs to know about gang rapes, being an Epstein girl, CSA and one of rapes. But then hearing this stuff might give others nightmares.

Frankly equating being private to being uptight is just another example of the erosion of the respect for boundaries within our society.

Then don’t lie, I’d not lie in such situations, but you can choose what you disclose if it’s that big of a deal. Just don’t disclose the areas where you don’t want people to know, if someone asks ‘ tell us about a time you faced hardship as a child’ go with the story about how you were bullied, or moving house and losing your friends, over the time your uncle attacked you at a sleepover.

It’s really not hard

God, I'd be ill that day, and in the spirit of open iinclusively disclose my explosive diarrhea. I acknowledge that not opening up about my spiraling depression may have contributed to me trying to take my own life. But I don't want to discuss any of that at work for some team building exercise. And I don't want to hear things if I am not expecting it. Hearing someone talk about depression or psychosis or suicide upsets me, it takes me back to some quite recent horrible feelings. Bollocks would I want to deal with that at work.

People have given their opinions on why it’s not ok, that doesn’t make it true.

This is commonplace in many organisations, and works just fine

I think you're missing the point @KellyJs

I don't know what industry you work in, but it's far from commonplace.

I said earlier in the thread I wouldnt go, I'd make clear I am a private person.and I'm adding now I would do my best to get this kind of shit cancelled completely on behalf of others like me.

Let's face it, if it wasnt work sanctioned no one would go.
How can I say about moving house or being bullied or some other shiity excuse for hardship as a child, I dont remember my childhood. I already put that.

Totally agree

Your personal interests and home life are yours and yours alone until you choose to share it. Your company are being very unreasonable.

If we don't, we are told that we're being anti-inclusion. My colleagues and manager are therefore having a go at me for being too private.

"I've spoken to my therapist about this, & she has said that it would be inadvisable for me to discuss the trauma that informs my C-PTSD without a professional therapist on hand to deal with how triggering it is. She has also said that for me, keeping a hard boundary between the workplace & my personal trauma is the best way for me to continue managing my symptoms as well as I do. I already feel very vulnerable, having to explain this to you in a professional setting, so would like to stop talking about it now. Thank you."

If they don't then back off - go to HR.

The expectation is that we share information on things like serious mental health conditions and our relationship histories.

Ironically we've also had the training on GDPR, how this kind of information is sensitive and should be treated as such by law........

Fucksake - Orwellian levels of DoubleThink going on here!

Jesus, how awful!!!! It’s this whole “be kind” bullshit and ,lo and behold, when you don’t go along with it it gets nasty.