AIBU to not discuss my life story at work?

[HangryBerd]

My work is conducting training which tells us that we need to share our life stories, disclose what makes us "us", be vulnerable, share our emotions. If we don't, we are told that we're being anti-inclusion. My colleagues and manager are therefore having a go at me for being too private.

I'm finding this really upsetting as I'll chat to anyone about many things but there are aspects that are very difficult to talk about. They're nothing to do with work and quite frankly nobody else's business.

AIBU to stand my ground?

Just make something up or be generic eg sometimes I’m too hard on myself cause my parents were strict

You should absolutely not be forced to do this. This is very irresponsible thing for management and colleagues to do. This could trigger all sorts of mental distress were someone to have some kind of past traumatic event for example.
You need to stand your ground and go to HR if it escalates. I imagine others might feel the same.

Completed disagree with these practices in the office. It’s unethical. I would refuse to take part and write down why on paper trail.

YANBU. They should respect your privacy.

Is it in your employment contract or terms and conditions that you have to share personal details? Fucks to that, ridiculous!

If you don’t feel able to challenge then just make some boring shit up.

Agree with everyone, this is utterly out of order. Also very irresponsible. Making people share traumatic stories without a trained therapist there, in a work setting, and the waving them off home to experience the after effects with no support. Are they trying to induce a breakdown?

It's also very disturbing that they want people to feel vulnerable at work. Why don't they want people to feel in control and powerful instead?

This is not the first instance where I have heard of this. If my work wants to do something like this I will walk.

This is so wrong headed. As a lesbian who worked for a time in some very Red states in the USA I can see where it’s coming from - I used to tie myself in pronoun knots talking about my partner and trying to avoid using she and outing myself. BUT there’s a big difference in creating an environment where people feel comfortable to not hide where they are and creating one where people are forced to share stuff they don’t want to. It sounds like in designing this inclusion training someone’s got themselves confused about the difference.

this for sure.
I would hate it too.

I would tell them that your work life and your personal life are two different things. Those are boundaries you do not cross. If they have a problem with that, it’s their problem, not yours. Boundaries are a healthy thing. Them trying to bulldoze through your boundaries are not. You could suggest if they don’t stop invading your privacy that you will take it up with HR.

Can you read spare and use that. Or a good Jackie Collins.

I know you shouldn't have to but I'd make it so extreme it was obviously untrue.

What can they do.

Entertain yourself at least

Oh, I’d be tempted to make something up that is so far fetched, but would be difficult to prove that you were lying. Maybe even pluck something out of a well known film. “Years ago, I was in a relationship with my married boss. He owned the casino I sang at. I walked in on him and his “employees” beating a man before they shot him. I ran away scared and went to the police. He was now after me and I had to go into witness protection in a convent. While I was there, I led the choir and saved the convent from closing.”

This HR diversity 'whole self to work' is such bullshit - they want people to bring 'fashionable' stuff to work like some high level mental health (nothing too heavy) stuff, a sprinkle of being gay or trans, disability (but something photogenic rather than eg incontinence). But when it comes down to it they want to give a veneer of diversity - the last thing they want is anyone coming in and sharing details about banding their piles, suffering from bunions, going into detail about the gynaecological consequences of childbirth or, god-forbid, any 40+ year old women coming out as gender critical.

THIS 👆👆👆

Be vulnerable or provide ammunition…..? From a HR perspective they’d have a hard time disciplining you for that! I’d stand my ground. I’m sure it’s not in your contract?! Besides aren’t they being anti inclusive not taking your feelings into consideration.

This is off the scale bonkers. Nothing would make me fess up to my life story in this situation. I am shocked at how weird presumably Human Resources have become. Think I would stand my ground and say this is not for me, thanks. Maybe others will join you. Wish you well with it.

Why do you have to share your secrets and private things? Can you not just talk about your hobbies, maybe some not too detailed info about your family, pets, whatever sports you like? I think you are making more of an issue than it actually is.

Very strange..... how does everyone else feel.?

Stand tour ground, you're there to work, not a counselling session.

So the aim is to include people ?! If this was my work I'd be saying jog on, and so would most 😊

Just make sure to express your feeling that they are talking out of their back ends. The rest of your feelings are not anyone else's business.

@DarkShade agreed

Love this attitude!

Just tell them, that whilst you're not averse to sharing, you can't at the moment because its not good for your 'mental well being'.

Your personal life and work have nothing to do with each other. You’re entitled to privacy and I think I’d tell your boss that you’re not being ‘anti inclusion’ however you aren’t willing or obliged to share personal things.
The fact they’re making you feel like you have to share is disgusting….
If it continues phone HR as they have a duty of care to make sure you’re not being bullied.

YANBU, ask them what they think the word ‘Inclusive’ means

This…
Don't make any crap up because to be honest I think that devalues those that are sharing their life stories….
just politely decline and literally say that while you have upmost respect for everyone else sharing their life stories, you aren’t comfortable sharing and you’d like everyone to respect your privacy and boundaries! Offer to leave the training should anyone feel uncomfortable sharing in front of you when you are not.

nowadays everything is so hot on ‘data protection, and confidentiality and boundaries etc… I’m shocked this sort of crap even happens in. Professional setting…
Sharing and being vulnerable might be attractive in a life long relationship but at work you should feel strong, confident and empowered!
if they say you non-inclusive again I’d be very vocal in saying that they are being VERY intrusive and unprofessional.
what next ?! Being forced to weigh in on your way into work…. Bloody ridiculous!