AIBU to not discuss my life story at work?

[HangryBerd]

My work is conducting training which tells us that we need to share our life stories, disclose what makes us "us", be vulnerable, share our emotions. If we don't, we are told that we're being anti-inclusion. My colleagues and manager are therefore having a go at me for being too private.

I'm finding this really upsetting as I'll chat to anyone about many things but there are aspects that are very difficult to talk about. They're nothing to do with work and quite frankly nobody else's business.

AIBU to stand my ground?

HR here. I would not be happy about this either. You do not have to disclose anything that you don't want to. Yes, some people will want to discuss some things but others absolutely won't and you have no obligation to do so and nor should they insist that you do

I would be tempted to look squarely at my manager and say 'well one of my biggest traumas and regrets in my life was sleeping with your husband. An all round disappointment. Did he ever get those antibiotics?'

Utter bollox behaviour. Are you in America?

I’d hate this too tbh

This sounds really intrusive.

It doesn’t take much imagination to consider that some employees might have some very personal or very traumatic things in their “life story”, and that they could find this very upsetting.
I’m not seeing how it’s “inclusive” to demand that people share everything. If people want to, great, but it shouldn’t be compulsory.

Could you think up a couple of surface level stories? Minor things that aren’t intensely personal?

Make up something utterly ludicrous..say its a relief to get it off your chest..I would ham it beyond belief.

That’s utterly invasive of your privacy. I suggest you bat their “inclusivity” back at them and tell them that they’re badgering you to share more than you wish is highly triggering. Which is true, really - it’s upsetting for you. They don’t need to know any details, just to respect your boundaries.

I have become good friends with many colleagues and we know a great deal about each other’s lives, but that’s a choice outside work. It would be absolutely inappropriate to make that a focus of our working day. I’m there to be professional, not vulnerable.

Oh same. They would wish they'd never asked

My colleagues and manager are therefore having a go at me for being too private.

Can you give an example?

We've got something similar coming up where the last time we had something similar where we had to write things under various topics on the wall such as "one thing that has made you angry this week'. Then they read every single one out (which we weren't prepared for) and then asked who had written what and had to explain it. Afterwards we were forced to complete a 'voluntary ' questionnaire. Yeah? Fool me once but I won't be doing any of those again.
Unless your job is a counsellor role where you're expected to divulge to your mentor, in private, then no way should you have to discuss your personal life. I think they'd have a hard time disciplining you for it too. They're not your friends or family, they work colleagues.
Makes me so mad!

Oh and when they challenge tgat it's bollocks, reply with you waste my time, I'll waste yours..

What role do you have OP? I remember doing a counselling course many years ago and we have to do something like this. I understood why as it was about getting to know ourselves first.

If it is a team building exercise in an unrelated field, I'd be inclined to make something up tbh. Think of a character in a book or tv series and be her if that makes sense (obviously not a complicated inter-related Eastenders character :))

Shouldn't have to do anything.

YANBU.

And it’s a n awful idea.
You’ll be just giving free ammo to bullies.
There will be people who would use your personal stuff againts you.

Thank you so, so much for all your replies. I've been sat here stressing about how I must be a really broken person that can't "open up" and how I'm going to get poor reviews for not promoting diversity (by setting the example of sharing stories). It's nice to get some perspective on it.

It's a diversity initiative, so presumably HR led, and I'm in the UK but it's an international company. When I say "having a go" it's mainly just comments about me being too private and being nosey where I've declined to answer questions so maybe I'm just being too sensitive to criticism there.

I would absolutely hate this, and tbh I would hate listening to other people’s vulnerabilities as well. Obviously I will listen and be supportive to friend/relative when they need it, but there’s a time and a place. A team building exercise is not the time or place.

This is awful. Unless they have trained professionals on hand to manage the people who may feel obliged to start sharing very personal things then this could get seriously out of hand. I'm inclined to agree that it will probably end up being dominated by the one person who tells everyone everything anyway.
You do not have to share anything at all. I'm not really sure why refusing to share personal info would be seen as anti-inclusive.

We did this yesterday. People shared all sorts. There was some overstating in my opinion but only from the people who overshare at work anyway.
I'm sure you can get away with something not too personal.
Like if it was vulnerable, I would have said when I got lost in a shopping centre when I was little. Felt scared etc but then found my way back. What I learnt was etc.
I don't think you have to share anything deep at all.
I would take it with a pinch of salt and keep it fairly high level.
Do what you are comfortable with.
Good luck.

We're you not abducted by aliens as a child OP? Returned to planet earth 🌏, due to not knowing anyone else in your position you have become a private person who likes to keep yourself to yourself, but as they have asked you would like to discuss your time on the interplanetary shuttles circuiting the aardvark solar system on beta12 and captain muvark trained you in 13 languages of varying planet species. 😉

Bring cake

2 strategies

1. stand your ground
2. make shit up.

Whichever is easiest

If you are not up for the fight about how this is an utter abuse of your right to a persolan
life, may stuff up.

To this day there are people out there who believe one of the colleagues is related to Gerry Adams AND lost their virginity to Richie Sambora…

make it all up :)

It’s supposed to be work, not group therapy sharing. You are not being unreasonable to refuse.

Awful and inappropriate, what exactly do they want to know? This is all because of the weird everyone being a victim/telling a sob story culture of social media. What happened to the work/home divide. I think it's unhealthy to share too much with colleagues aside from the ones you grow friendships with etc. Weird.

What work are you in that would expect you to talk about your private/personal life? Sound like some cult or something