For me to be a SAHM my DH would have to earn.....

[CPHB2021]

Following on from a thread of 'if you knew all would be ok, I would...' and a resounding about said 'leave work and be a SAHP' I would absolutely LOVE to do this and by scraping the barrel, we probably could but we'd have little to no disposable income. I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings. I often wonder HOW some of the mums at school don't work, we are technically 'above average' income which seem LUDICROUS given that we use almost all of it, every month! We live in the SE and I think our outgoings must be quite high! How much would one person have to earn for you to leave work?

I only did the mat leave bit full-time as a sahp. But loved that we could manage me working part time so I got time off when they were little. Still only work 4 days despite youngest being 12.
DH earns around £40K me about 25k now but dropped to about 8k. We have zero savings , a shitty old car, second hand clothes , eat well but carefully cost wise and spend most of our disposable income on kids doing sports, cheap but fun holidays, going out with friends and cheap day trips (flasks of teas and picnics never go to the cafe!).

Worked brilliantly for us. We will never be loaded but I absolutely loved that time when they were little hanging out with them and a big group of friends. Would change it for a thing. I hae a long term health condition that makes me think I may die young so might as well not worry too much about retirement.

Couldn't have said it better myself, it's all relative

@Bpdqueen are you reliving off that or earning that? Surely you get benefits too though??

Not sure if you're replying to me (because I said "Come of it!") but I was agreeing with you.

I get £2.45 a week wtc and I get 25% discount on council tax im not entitled to anything else as I have a mortgage

@Bpdqueen im guessing that’s part time? Surely you’re entitled to more than 2.45!

We are in London. Our joint income is 200k. I'm the higher earner. Even with that combined income we don't have much left over each month...big mortgage, 2 children in childcare but we don't have to think too much about what we spend on food etc. Will improve when one is in school. So DH would need to earn at least 200k for me to be a SAHM but as others have said I would rather work anyway. Really enjoyed 2 x maternity leave though.

We'd get by very well on 25k. We manage on less at the moment & it's tight but manageable. We could cut right back on non-essentials if we had too, we'd probably save a couple of thousand a year.

It's 30hrs a week apparently I earn to much to be entitled to anything more. I'm waiting for a pip decision so hopefully will be in a better position soon

I was a SAHM for a year when I left my job (was pretty burned out) after my mat leave ended, husband is on £50k but we are mortgage/debt free with nothing on finance. (I've now gone back part time 2 days a week to keep my hand in and that brings in £14k.) Single child household, small 1930s semi detatched house, band D council tax. One 3yr old car. Couple of weeks holiday short haul and regular cafe trips. Go to toddler groups (although fairly cheap ones) my town has a lot going on tbf and some very nice parks/walks too.

Would have felt much less comfortable if we bought a big detatched house and was mortgaged up to the tits. 😬

I've not worked since meeting my husband, so we've always been a one income family. I think it was around 30k to begin with, rising to 45k when he left his career. It's now around 90k, but we don't live any differently to when it was 30k. We don't tend to have too many holidays though, as there are 7 of us, to it's very expensive.

@Bpdqueen is that term time only then because otherwise that’s less than min wage?!

Depends on the kids and the job 😂.

DH works in an office, does computer work all day. Some office politics but no one will die if he drops the ball.

DS spent months in hospital where I slept bedside every week day night, where I spent week days providing his cares. When he came home I spent days tripping back and forth to the hospital, consultant appts, monitoring o2 Sat's, doing tube feeds, carrying out the physio tasks we had. Even when we were finally hospital clear there were consultant appts, endless visits with school trying to get him in, sort out his paperwork for funding fro a 121, working on his speech therapy, organising all his prescriptions, appts, o2, feeds etc.

No way in hell did he work harder than me 😂😂

We're in the NE. I'm on £25,000 and DP is on £28,000. DS is at nursery 3.5 days a week. Our bare minimum outgoings leave us with £800 a month. If I became SAHM this would leave us with about £650 disposable income. It sounds nice but I my aim is to earn a little more and cut my hours when DS starts school.

Totally agree. That said if my salary goes up much more I might try and drop to 90% so I can have a few hours to myself on a Friday afternoon then pick kids up from school. I’d really prefer we both work and share the house stuff and the burden of providing financially than have one of us work massive amounts (& you generally do have to in order to get promoted up to a high income). My OH was on about 75k (with stupid amounts of that in bonuses) when our first was little and I earned about £30k. We absolutely could have gone for him pursuing more money and me cutting back hours or resigning but instead he moved jobs and went down to £40k and took a super family friendly role with loads of flexibility. Now we are both getting close to £50k but benefit from 2 personal allowances, child benefit, all 20% tax and we both have fairly reasonable flexibility to do things with kids. It’s not perfect and I get why people don’t want to do it but I don’t think any salary he earned would make me want to change

OP I work 2 days a month when dh is home so am pretty much a SAHM though dh works full time. We don’t take holidays abroad, I don’t meet friends for coffee in fancy cafes much though sometimes in cheaper ones, we don’t go on expensive days out much but my kids have nice clothes, we have UK Holidays, a nice house with a low mortgage and a decent but not fancy nearly paid car. My kids love that I am home and I enjoy being home. They all do swimming lessons, they all go to actives etc, I also do lots of activities at home with them like play dough, learning, reading, baking etc. Me and dh don’t go out much together as we have home date nights. My kids have told me they love that I am home everyday and have said they are glad as they feel sorry for a family members child whose mum is rarely with them (though they don’t know this is because she prefers to party and I can’t tell them without causing a family rift). My kids being happy is enough for me.

However I grew up with parents who ran a very successful business that worked crazy hours. I had a nanny, a nice big house, a few cars, really expensive holidays overseas every year and hated it all. I just wanted my mum and missed her terribly as she was always at work. I missed my dad being home to cuddle me before bed at night as he was always working. I missed family days out, family film nights cuddled up in the couch, a parent being at the school gates and taking me home then doing my home work with me or crafts etc. I didn’t feel that I was important enough for my parents to spend time with me. I missed what I didn’t have so to me it was very important my kids had these things. I am well aware this has coloured my view as I don’t ever want my kids to feel how I did as a child but am happy to do without fancy holidays, fancy coffee dates, big nights out to give them this. I am lucky though that I can afford to work so little and have a decent but not extravagant lifestyle. We have around £42k a year income and do pretty well generally.

Nope unless you have a career you can dip in and out of I would never give it up. Too many men have the stereotypical midlife crisis in their 40/50s and run off.

DH is a SAHP, I went back to work when DS was 8 months. I earn £60k but when I went back to work I was on £43k. Having DH at home meant I could push my career so it worked out as a good decision for us. DS is now 2.

it was a struggle when I was on £43k in all honesty, now we’re pretty comfy. £600 per month mortgage, no debt, live in the north west.

I earn around 36k and my DH is stay at home dad. We are in the NW though. We have enough for holiday once a year and regular trips out but I imagine our outgoings are well below yours OP.

It always amazes me the disparity between what people live on. We all have the same basic needs.

I can't believe how small some people mortgages are.....

I was a SAHM when DH was on about £120k it was tight and we certainly didn't feel very comfortable.

I've since gone back to work and I think our relationship has improved.

DH is earning more now and in theory I could give up but I think unless we are mortgage free with a LOT of savings I will keep working.

I would though prefer a less stressful job.

For me to give up work, my DH would have to earn at least £160k to make what we both make after tax.

You aren’t a failure.

People lie about salaries on here all the time! Chin up!!

On one hand we've got women figuring out how they can get their husband to earn the money so they don't have to.

On the other, apparently men have only got the career they have because the poor women have "sacrificed their careers".

A sort of Schrodinger's SAHM paradox.

I was a SAHP as I didn’t earn enough for child care.
It’s surprising how much money you need just to work. Clothes, petrol, grooming, tech.
That cost disappears. I had few new clothes, money went on play groups etc. I used Christmas money for day trips, iceskating and panto - they didn’t need more toys.

Now back working and the kids are all teens earning their own money.

It’s doable - if you treat it like a job and cost cut!

You couldn't manage on less than £16k a MONTH without some 'serious' cut backs?! What the f are you spending £16k a month on?! I don't even earn that in a year.