For me to be a SAHM my DH would have to earn.....

[CPHB2021]

Following on from a thread of 'if you knew all would be ok, I would...' and a resounding about said 'leave work and be a SAHP' I would absolutely LOVE to do this and by scraping the barrel, we probably could but we'd have little to no disposable income. I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings. I often wonder HOW some of the mums at school don't work, we are technically 'above average' income which seem LUDICROUS given that we use almost all of it, every month! We live in the SE and I think our outgoings must be quite high! How much would one person have to earn for you to leave work?

It depends on what lifestyle you deem acceptable enough and what your outgoings are. £100k might not be enough for some but for others £50k is enough.

Its possible to be a SAHP on a relatively small income if you have realistic expectations and you aren't financially very committed already. We have a comparatively small mortgage which allowed me to be a SAHP in the SE for 5 years despite DH only earning an average income of around £30K. I've been back at work nearly 4 years now. Personally I don't see a foreign holiday as a requirement, we don't have expensive cars, don't buy anything on credit. We did free trips out, got presents that were memberships to local Zoos etc that we could use a lot, shopped carefully. Childcare for two would have been more than my salary so it wasn't a choice as such, it was just the best option at the time.

For me to be a SAHM, I’d have to have had a personality transplant to think this was ever a good idea, on any income.

It’s not just maths of current bills it’s things like pension - dh would be paying it all as no employer contribution that could be several hundred a month.

There is no number, I just couldn’t. I like financial independence , having a career and I habe no desire to stay home and do child care and housework. Full respect to those who are into that, but it’s not for me.

I am no more likely to stay home than my husband is

Some of these numbers are 😮😮😮
I stayed at home with DH on 55k.
I'm working now, TTO, for the pension and NI credits (youngest about to turn 12). We save (more than) my salary each month. 2 cars, holidays abroad - although not since covid, eat out, go out.

It’s not about just making ends meet

I am SAHM and although I love being at home with my daughter- I had to be confident that I was being taken care of too.

Our household income allows for investments in my name, my pension paid into, any courses I want to do and additional help through the form of cleaners/gardeners/etc so I can focus on raising DD instead of worrying chores in the day.

And little luxuries- like my hair done regularly, or the financial ability to not think twice about going for a dinner with friends, as I did when I worked outside the home.

As for the mums at school people often assume and underestimate salaries. Husband might be on a help desk on 40,000 or senior in tech company on 200,000 - both described by wife as Dave works in IT.
Mortgage free can be equivalent to a salary too (you don’t know if mum at school gate was left her house by her auntie)

When I was a SAHM my DH earnt £45k p a. (2007) using an inflation calculator that's equivalent to £79k today. When I went back to work 8 years later he was on £90k. We weren't living the life of Riley but we were comfortably off. I work f/t now and we are very well off. I'm just very grateful I was able to have those 8 years (and no it hasn't ruined my life, my brain, my career or pension).

Rental properties too. People assume sahm but actually have income from first flat never sold or property inherited.

This makes me sound like a bad mum but I really don't want to look after my kids all the time, I am a much better parent for getting time out and I also really enjoy my work.

So I would only consider it if there was enough money that we could have a part time nanny so that I could have time to do other things.

When I was a SAHP, DH was earning between £35-45,000. I went back to work 5 years ago. We lived off roughly half of DH's income, allowing him to take early retirement after I started working again.

This right here.

It's nice to daydream about it, but foolish to give up earning.

Best answer I’ve seen to this question !

It totally depends on your lifestyle. A few years ago I couldn't work due to extended family being very ill and we (2 adults, 2 primary aged DC and 2 DCats) had to live off DH's £23k annual salary for just over a year.
We managed ok. We even had the odd weekend break as a holiday, but I was extremely frugal to make ends meet (sold old clothes on eBay and used funds to buy 'new' 2nd hand ones, paid for days out with Tesco vouchers, only had free-to-view TV with no subscriptions, went with a slower broadband package, had SIM-only mobile contracts and used existing phones rather than upgrade etc., rarely ate out or went to cinema...).
It depends how much you're prepared to go without and also, of course, what your absolute basic income would need to be to cover essentials (rent/mortgage, council tax, utilities, petrol, insurance, food, pet expenses etc).

I was a SAHM for about 2/3 years after having our second. Purely due to childcare costs for 2 little ones. It would have practically wiped out my whole salary (although all money is joint). Just couldn't bare the thought of working in a job I despised for no pay
At the time I think my husband was on about £35k. We lived in a cheaper area and mortgage was about half what it is now but things were very tight and miserable.
Luckily there were tons of free baby groups to go to but we could never eat out or just spend without thinking
I went back after my 3rd and went part time by this point I had a much better job and only had to pay for childcare for 2 for a year or so.
Earnings have increased a lot since then, especially my husbands.
We could technically live on just his income but we probably would struggle to go abroad every year and wouldn't be able to put anything into savings. Mine are all at school now so me being a SAHM wouldn't save us a great deal in the way of childcare
I'd say he'd have to earn about £85k ish as that's about what our joint income is
I honestly don't think I'd like to stop working though. I enjoy it for the most part and wouldn't want to rely on his wage fully
Working part time is the compromise for me

I was (fairly briefly) a SAHM for a while, then started working freelance very part time and that has turned into a permanent 2 day a week job with occasional additional hours.

DH earns 35k. I earn 14.5k. We could manage with me as a SAHM but life is much more comfortable with me having an income too.

Last year we had 2 UK holidays, a weekend away for a wedding and plenty of day trips and I also went for a weekend away with friends. We don’t go out much for meals/ nights out etc anymore (don’t have the childcare apart from anything else). This year we have a Uk holiday and one abroad planned.

We go to classes - some cheaper playgroup types and some pricier ones. We do soft play, farm trips, cafe for lunch etc etc fairly regularly. Its not a lavish lifestyle but it’s comfortable and DD wants for nothing.

Biggest factor though is we have no mortgage. We were older parents (40) by the time DD came along and had paid mortgage right down plus built a decent savings buffer, and paid remainder of mortgage with a small inheritance. I know we’ve been hugely lucky on that score.

Other factors - small house, it’s not particularly done to the standard a lot of people seem to want/ expect either, it’s nice enough and clean but really could do with quite a bit spending on it to make it meet our needs, or we might need to move and that may change things. Bills are comparatively low although obviously increasing like everything else.

We have old cars, never get new ones - going down to one car next month as we don’t really need two with both of us mostly working from home. Which also means not much spent on fuel etc. I don’t spend very much on clothes, make up etc for myself and DH spends sod all! Although we do have holidays/ day trips etc we are pretty budget conscious with them, they’re not especially lavish.

We have a nice and comfortable lifestyle and a household income of 70k. So I guess about that.

I'm a stay at home mum. My husband earns about £45k. We don't have any extra at all and we don't have any savings.

However we do own our home (mortgaged) and don't have any debts. We are very lucky to have parents who help us when needed.

I will return to work when my toddler goes to school but only part time until he is much older as I want to be able to collect him from school everyday during primary years.

When we lived in London we earned £90k between us and each owned a property which has hugely helped us set up our life away from London.

A lot! Maybe £300k plus.

Thats more than we have now (by a lot) but for me to give up work, it would have to be enough that my salary would be a drop in the ocean and we wouldn’t mind losing it.

Even if he earnt our current household on his own, I’d keep working, because I’d rather have the extra cash of my salary and go on amazing holidays / buy a larger house instead of staying at home.

It would be pretty huge as the one earner would hit pension taper so once 45% tax, ni, no tax relief for pension etc are all taken into account plus a bit extra for security of loss of career progression it would be a hell of a lot more than two comfortable salaries.

When you add up nursery fees and after school club, we actually lose money by me working. SAHM aren’t necessarily well off!

I was lucky enough to be able to give up work for a while when the children were young but it was very tight in income . Then I went back part time and when the children were about 12 full time . I think that women have always fought for choice and trying to work full time with children is hard . If your partner can work different hours or one partner earns more and that is factored in then even better . But these days even the choice sadly may be extremely difficult .

I think we could managed me being a SAHP if DH earned 50k. There would be less need for 3 cars, less petrol used, less work clothes etc. I think with 75/80k we would be v comfortable.

I’m a SAHM although I do have independent income from rental property in my name that are agent managed.
DH earns close to mid 6 figures. Our mortgage is less than 10% of net income including an overpayment and no other debt.
Several holidays abroad a year, as many days out as we please, numerous activities & clubs for the DC, I have full access to all money and don’t have to ask / justify what I spend. I feel extremely privileged. I also have a private pension.