For me to be a SAHM my DH would have to earn.....

[CPHB2021]

Following on from a thread of 'if you knew all would be ok, I would...' and a resounding about said 'leave work and be a SAHP' I would absolutely LOVE to do this and by scraping the barrel, we probably could but we'd have little to no disposable income. I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings. I often wonder HOW some of the mums at school don't work, we are technically 'above average' income which seem LUDICROUS given that we use almost all of it, every month! We live in the SE and I think our outgoings must be quite high! How much would one person have to earn for you to leave work?

£90k.

Don’t do it! If you ever get divorced you could be royally fucked over by your ex spouse (bitter voice of experience)

@Zone2NorthLondon maybe because she’s proving free childcare, meals and cleaning services to him and other things that generally encompass the SAHM role. If she worked then he’d have to pay childcare.

I wouldn’t ever be financially dependent on anyone (I’m the main earner). But if I had enough of my own money I’d be a SAHM. I’d need to be mortgage free and have £1m+ in the bank though for retirement.

We have a combined income of around £73k now and we are skint (mortgage, childcare and horse).

Compensated for what exactly? If you chose not to work,that is your risk
It’s unreasonable to not contribute financially,have free food,free accommodation and still want someone else to provide your safety net. That’s not reasonable In The least. Plus when children are at school nursery what exactly is the demanding role? Again if yin want a safety net make some provision yourself don’t rely on your partner

I have postgraduate degrees from top universities and haven't ever earned as much as £25,000 a year, not have most people I know. We must live on a different planet.

I have been a single parent and carer on about £18,000 a year and was comfortably off, able to go on at least one holiday a year (as well as cheaper trips staying with friends/family), eat out, go to museums, cinema, etc.. I have relatively low rent (750 a month) and only one child, so I can see it would be harder for stay at home parents with higher rent and more children, but the sums the super-rich on here claim they would need sound like pisstakey. Are they intentionally offensive and gloating or just terribly ignorant of how most of us live or just mind-bogglingly bad at budgeting?!

Many parents I know live on similar amounts and have holidays, go to restaurants, etc. too, so it isn't just me.

It might benefit the family including the husband to have one parent home full time. The husband can reap the benefits from being able to advance his career since he never has to do a pick up or a drop off or stay home with a suck kid. This is a way to reduce the financial risk for the wife. I think it's smart. This way all the money befits the family if they stay together but both have individual assets and are not fucked if they get divorced. A bit of over simplification but makes sense to me.

Yes and if she worked she’d be contributing. Free meals? She’s preparing the food he bought, in the house he pays for, using utilities he pays for. Hardly one’s. Watching your own children isn’t comparable to a job, Not working and expecting an allowance is unreasonable

Time over money is what I value more. Have been a SAHM for almost 16 years now.

Yes and if she worked she’d be contributing. Free meals? She’s preparing the food he bought, in the house he pays for, using utilities he pays for. Hardly onerous Watching your own children isn’t comparable to a job, Not working and expecting an allowance is unreasonable

I’m a sahm, our monthly disposable income is £200 a month each. We have different priorities to each other, neither is right, just different.

reading this thread has made me feel like an inadequate failure

The question was how much money so the answer of no amount would be enough is a valid answer. It shouldn’t offend, we are all different.

some folks love doing kid rearing and housework, others would never give up their financial independence and careers to do it.

there is nothing wrong with this, no one asks men how much their wife’s would habe to earn so they can stay home and do the child care and make the dinner, it’s no different as we are women. It’s 2022 not 1950.

it’s also seldom men who end up skint in older age as their marriage ended, they don’t have a pension and can’t get a job that pays a decent amount all because they stopped working and relied on their spouse.

I actually wouldn’t want to be once the kids are at school as I do think it would become monotonous (even though I know most SAHM work hard at home - I definately did). But I like earning my own money, having colleagues, using my brain (to make sure it still works)🤪

I do think when one parent stays at home and the other earns around 50k - 60k, it is ridiculous they take away child benefit, yet still give it to families both earning £45k. Why not go on total household income? In lots of cases, one parent has stayed at home as they have childcare issues (no family to help out) or no better off working with the cost of nursery. I think more should be done to support stay at home parents in the early years (before school) at least.

It would take a very high sum of money to persuade me to miss out on spending that time with my child, so I suppose horses for courses and all.

As for what jobs pay "only" £25-30 grand...how much do you think the women looking after the children whose parents are at work are paid?!

I guess his sole income would need to equal our joint income now so it would need to be 150k.

As well as DH's salary, we get CB, CTCs, and SCP. Financially doing okay. Not rich but not struggling either.

I am a home bird so don't care for going out, no expensive hobbies.

Approximately just under £30k.

That made me chuckle 😂

Husband who is a senior engineer is interviewing for a new post next week that starts on 100k with a 20% bonus. It’s the first time I’ve started to consider being a SAHP.

Our toddler eats like shes a 6ft teenager and two of us have a severe allergy that means we have to boil wash nearly everything once a week. We have no outside help e.g parents and want to send our daughter to the local independent school from 5. My OH income would only cover essentials, modest savings, a few basic holidays and the ability to start putting the monthly school fee in savings.

We both grew up in low income households and wouldn’t want our daughter to constantly be hearing ‘we can’t afford it’.

We’re in the Midlands.

Oh come off it! This sort of trite lazy nonsense does SAHPs no favours. It suggests someone who, deep down, suspects they are entirely irrelevant but is desperately seeking validation by coming up with a list of basic household tasks and claiming they are jobs their apparently incompetent husband would have to pay for if they didn't do it. Don't get me wrong - being a SAHM is certainly hard work - but, really? Providing cleaning services to him? Because she's cleaning the house she lives in which, according to another thread earlier this week, generates way more cleaning and housework if it contains a SAHP.

I thought marriage was supposed to be a partnership where we support each other and rely on each other.

If you’ve supported your DH to make it, surely you’re entitled to half of it if he fucks you over?

I’m a SAHM, I had a good paying career myself for 15+ years but jacked it in when DH earned over £300k in a year, I’m incredibly lucky to be able to focus on raising the family, but then it means DH can focus on career progression. I’ve sacrificed my independence and my own progression, traded it in for freedom and a retraining budget (I’m on a new career pathway and plan to return to work in about 5 years then work PT til I drop). Not a bad deal.

My husband earns around 65k and I’ve just gone full time as we’re struggling to maintain our standard of living lately! We don’t want to give up holidays and nice things though and the kids are older. I suppose everyone has different priorities though. My best of both worlds was to be part time. I loved my days off with the kids but also love work, the social interaction and the financial independence. I am also now thinking of pensions. I think even if my husband was earning double I wouldn’t give up work although I would likely stay part time.

Ideally it would be me working with DH SAHD and I'd want to replace his income so our lifestyle didn't change. Would need about 165k to do that because I'd need to earn more than he earns now to get the same output due to tax brackets. And I'd want ideally to keep our joint gross the same as I would want him to have more than just housekeeping. I'd want him to keep a pension, have his own savings etc. Until then, we are both working but in all likelihood he will become a SAHD in next few years whatever.

Tbh it really bites when you see HE has life insurance, not you (because you don’t earn, your life isn’t worth much!)

Come off it what? It’s not cinderfuckinella all hand washing & skivvying. Being SAHP isn’t a 24/7 drudge esp not when your kids are at school. Free everything eg accommodation,food,utilities and no financial responsibility whilst watching your own kids. it’s not requiring a safety net.