For me to be a SAHM my DH would have to earn.....

[CPHB2021]

Following on from a thread of 'if you knew all would be ok, I would...' and a resounding about said 'leave work and be a SAHP' I would absolutely LOVE to do this and by scraping the barrel, we probably could but we'd have little to no disposable income. I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings. I often wonder HOW some of the mums at school don't work, we are technically 'above average' income which seem LUDICROUS given that we use almost all of it, every month! We live in the SE and I think our outgoings must be quite high! How much would one person have to earn for you to leave work?

Dh earns around £28, we’re abroad so it’s slightly different (same job in the U.K. pays much more, lifestyle here more than compensates for the extra money)
I've just gone back to work part time as Dd has started Pre school part time. I was a Sahm for four years. I worked all my life before this, often earning more and we had Dd later in life (not by choice)
So we’d always had enough money to buy the things we wanted and to travel the world etc. The last four years we’ve had short 2-3 day breaks camping or in a hotel in the country we live in (hot 6 months of the year so it’s fine) or we’ve travelled an hour to the bordering country, nothing fancy or far flung, but we didn’t mind as Dd was young. We’ve not been able to spend on ourselves as we have in the past and I rarely buy clothes now unless needed (bought a *Lot before) Dd has everything she needs and more, we can cover the mortgage and bills and I often took her for days out, lunches, to the beach, swimming, play dates etc. Possible easier here as many activities free due to the beach and see and much cheaper to pack a picnic and only have a coffee at a cafe. Not many soft plays where I am, but we spent plenty of time with friends at playground and park meet ups and dog walks in nature. They were without a doubt some of the hardest but happiest days of my life, it was sometimes a struggle but worth it to be with my Dd.
Now I work part time and will work full time once she starts going full time in September, the extra money is lovely and we’re now able to save again and book fancier holidays…but I miss the life we had and wish it could go on forever!

*Sea

100k household income doesn't make you rich if you have a mortgage, childcare to pay, cars to pay for work and all those essential bills to pay.

Some people seems to forget not everyone are lucky enough to get inheritance, deposit for a house, significant cash gift, free childcare etc. All of these are very significant.

DH earns about £65k, also SE. We don't go on as many holidays as before but still several a year (one abroad). We are very good at finding good deals for things. Do a lot of free stuff.

Will pay off the mortgage next month which will help a lot.

What are the jobs DH’s are doing that pay 25-30k, my DC earn more than that and they are in their early 20’s?

DH and I both already earn enough for the other to SAH, but we’d both rather allow our dog to eat our flesh.

The minimum would be £90k to cover all bills and a single holiday a year.

No because work isn’t just salary it’s pension too plus often benefits like death in service. So need to decide what doing re pension- will dh pay into one for you, pay more when back at work and may need additional life insurance etc.

If you want to be a stay at home parent (and aren't a single parent) you can make it work. I'm a SAHM and we don't have any spare money but we have a super busy schedule of toddler classes which I pay for from his child benefit as in my mind that money is there to give him a better life. We don't have fancy holidays or savings but no amount of money would be worth missing out on these early years with my little one 🤷‍♀️

I was a SAHM when DH was on between 80-90k. He's now on just over 100k and I now work part time (bringing in 8k). We're also mortgage free now, so could afford for me to give up again, but I wouldn't do that again..

When I was a SAHM we didn’t go on paid holidays, we didn’t go out to eat except for special occasions and we didn’t have take aways etc. So it was tight but doable. I didn’t really feel deprived honestly. We had lots of time and thankfully our home was nice.

I went back to work when our youngest started nursery and was eligible for 30hours so was more beneficial.

Over 120k.

I would want some future proofing and protection from cost of living crisis etc.

Honestly though I would still want to keep some income and independence by earning myself.

@Flurffyy Not everyone is on huge wages irl as they seem to be on Mn. That’s great for your sons in their early twenties though. We’re very happy in our situation and time and quality of life has been much more important to us than having money….

I’m a SAHM & my husband earns about £60k but he was on about half of that when i first became one. We made the choice as we’ve no family & by not having to do school drop offs etc he could build his business as he can work late, be on call, travel etc as need be although now he doesn’t work as long hours as he used to. I tried to do agency nursing for a bit but he couldn’t get home for the shifts at short notice so i gave up my registration.

We do all of the things you said although we prefer UK holidays. We have about 10 years left on our mortgage. I buy coffees, we have take aways if we want, run 2 cars, 3 kids at various sports / clubs. Go on days out etc it’s easier now than the early days and whilst i am now going to look for something part time as my kids get older, i don’t need to do it for the money & i know i’m lucky. We made a joint decision though & he was happy to work for me to be at home with them especially when they were wee.

As my youngest is almost 17, I think the opportunity to be a SAHM is no longer relevant for me. That said, when they were younger there would have been no amount that DH could have earned that would have made up for the loss of my financial security.

Engineering

I'm a SAHWife, hoping to become a SAHM in the near future. I don't actually know how much my DH earns as he's self employed so no definite salary.

i was a SAHM for the first 3 years of DS’s life (Mat leave then 2 yr career break) with DH on £30k. DS got child disability payment for the first year which did help fund the myriad of baby classes we went to. He was a much longed for, long awaited, baby and no pension contributions in the world would have made up for the time I got to spend with him. Went back to work pt (earning about £11k) when he turned 3 and 3 years on have quit work yet again to do a masters and gain a better paying (FT) job. We havent been a foreign holiday since pre dc but that time will come again and i don’t feel like we have to watch every penny (tho that has changed slightly since recent cost of living increase).

Absolutely. Spend 5 mins reading the relationship board before agreeing to be a SAHM. Do not, repeat do not even consider it if you’re not married.

As someone else said make sure you factor in cost of lost pension contributions when working out this imaginary sum. As your DH will be sailing on that retirement celebration cruise with his new woman whilst you’re surviving on a state pension if you don’t invest the same amount into a private pension as an employer would (and self contributions). This is a lot of money usually

30k we have a mortgaged house, 2x less than 10 y/o cars, one foreign holiday a year. 1 dc shop at Asda and get an Ocado delivery every 6 weeks
have 2 dogs

are you really exist in a bubble that you think everyone in their 40s is on £100k plus???? have your sons been to university? had good educational experiences? thats a lot of social capital right there.

My husband earns £250k, I'm a shame. But 2 children in private schools eats a LOT!

Freudian slip there!
*sahm not shame!

Wow rude much?

Seriously? You can't think of any jobs that pay £25K-£30K?

Teacher
Health professional
Police officer
University researcher
Librarian
Solicitor
Social worker

Most of those careers you can climb the career ladder and earn more but starting salaries are well below £30K. And these are generally considered professional jobs.

I'm still working at 59 - dh earns 6 figures but we never seem to have loads of spare cash. I was lucky to spend a number of years as a SAHM when the children were young. Childcare would have been expensive (I'm a teacher_ and DH was abroad a lot. One dd first year of university - other three left and all fully independent with two being home owners.

We had to take out a mortgage (ours was paid when I was in my 40s) to cover my late dad's property. When that sells we'll be considerably more comfortable.

I do like working but can't keep up the same pace till 67.