For me to be a SAHM my DH would have to earn.....

[CPHB2021]

Following on from a thread of 'if you knew all would be ok, I would...' and a resounding about said 'leave work and be a SAHP' I would absolutely LOVE to do this and by scraping the barrel, we probably could but we'd have little to no disposable income. I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings. I often wonder HOW some of the mums at school don't work, we are technically 'above average' income which seem LUDICROUS given that we use almost all of it, every month! We live in the SE and I think our outgoings must be quite high! How much would one person have to earn for you to leave work?

Unless what he earns completely drowns out what you do then don't do it.

Here are my reasons:

Financially it doesn't make sense - you should at least earn up to your tax fre allowance. It keeps up your NI too

It can be psychologically shit. Unless you have a solid network of similar mums then it can be quite isolating. I used to work 2 days a week and found my days off needed a strict routine otherwise I just wasted time. I'm much more productive at home now that I work more, ironically. Also people assume you do nothing all day and expect you to do stuff or work around your plans.

You become a slave to your child's and husband's routine.

You will be pretty much redundant when your child hits high school.

When my children were younger, I did the bare minimum 1.5 days then up to 2, now 3 days as one is in high school. The extra income is very handy, I'm making extra pension contributions and planning lovely travels. It was worth working when they were younger, and I am working my way back up the ladder. I took a massive career hit but I'm crawling my way back up.

Also you DH won't be completely reliant on you to do everything as you both get older.

I’m a SAHM and don’t do the bulk of the childcare housework anymore as my DC are at school & preschool and I have a cleaner. I also have financial independence through rental property income.
respect for all mums regardless of what decisions they make; we all do what’s best for us. But being a SAHM doesn’t necessarily mean you’re reliant on someone financially whilst cleaning and looking after children all day.

Is everyone on mumsnet rich or am I the only person in this country living on an income of 13 grand a year

Very few people could survive on that income a year, presumably you have very low living costs, a lot of savings to live or, receive benefits, or getting into debt to be able to live on that little?

I am a sahm I absolutely love it. My hubby earns about 50k but we don’t have a mortgage due to inheritance. We don’t have much money each month but I have time with the kids which I prefer.

You’re not the only one! My SIL earns that as a TA in a primary school. Her and BIL both work full time.

I became a SAHM 8 years ago and DH was on £26k at the time.

I couldn’t imagine giving up my financial independence and being reliant on my husband. I’d spend the whole time thinking “imagine what we’d have if I was working”, but I do earn very well and enjoy work to the point I went back after three months.

Im a SAHM and it's hard! Our mortgage and energy combined at the moment is pretty much 50percent off take home pay. We do get some benefits aswell though.

1 car, 6 of us in a 3 bed, no holidays apart from visiting family, rare takeaways eg every 6-8 weeks. Everything except underwear bought second hand. Meals out only for birthdays etc. "Free" days out eg national trust which parents pay for us for Christmas.

But it works for us!

Glad it's not just me, this app sometimes makes me feel like I'm on another planet

Uurgh wish there was an edit button I've been a SAHM for approx 15 years.

Can you give an idea of your living costs? I genuinely cannot imagine how someone with kids can afford to live on just £13k a year.

Not trying to be snarky or rude just curious!

I was a SAHM for 8 when DH was on about £25k a year. We received tax credits and child benefits to supplement that. We cut our cloth accordingly and were quite frugal though always had an annual holiday.
Now we both work our income is around £100k a year. Obviously no supplementary benefits. We still have to watch what we spend though. With a higher income comes higher outgoings and kids get more expensive as they get older. We could afford for me not to work but i like having my own money.

My outgoings are about £900 a month so I live on about £25 - £50ish a week

I am a single mum (1 child), earn £80k and live comfortably. I own a 3 bed house, going abroad four times this year, regular weekends away or day trips and my son does 4 activities a week. I agree with previous comment about not being financially reliant on a man - never have and never will.

This thread is less about what is the minimum you would need to be SAHM but more about what the minimum would be based on where you are now.

For example, if you have a reasonably hefty mortgage or live in an expensive area, you will need more money than if you rent a small house in the cheapest part of the country.
Similarly if your DC are used to doing various after school clubs each week, you'll probably want them to keep attending. Whereas if you'd planned to a SAHM in advance, they might never have started them, and you'd have chosen free/cheap activities.

Equally, if you think SAHM will just be for a few years, you can get yourself in a good financial position first - fix the roof, get a new boiler, replace any white goods that looks like they might die soon, and then you'll be able to cope on less. That's different to managing on an ongoing basis.

Lastly, a lot of people get help from parents or buy things on finance.

I could never do this.

Would you not feel guilty that your DH was working FT and supporting the entire family whilst you got to spend loads of time with the DCs and he doesn’t?

I would both go PT before having only 1 person stay at home FT and 1 work FT.

Thank you I’m assuming you live in an area with low housing costs then - that must make all the difference!

MN isn't a fair reflection of a cross section of society. I was a SAHM when DH was earning 19k and by the time I went back to work, he was on 28k and we'd bought our first house in the intervening period. No debts, went on holiday (camping) and had the odd day out here and there. We were very happy. I wanted to stay at home and we made it work.

I want to be with the children all the time and DH would rather work. We don’t need any more money so why would I work when I’m happy and he’s happy with the arrangement?

Our household income allows for investments in my name, my pension paid into, any courses I want to do and additional help through the form of cleaners/gardeners/etc so I can focus on raising DD instead of worrying chores in the day.

Most stay at home parents do those things themselves, they wouldn't be paying out for cleaners/gardeners or any other form of additional help. I won't even mention that plenty of families with 2 working parents don't have investments in any name.

The SAHM parent isn't sitting around drinking cocktails, they're working hard too, in a partnership. It's usually a joint decision and can benefit everybody.

You are entitled to benefit top ops on 13k if that’s your household income.

@FifiRebel
Can I ask what you do for a living?

I wouldn't want to be financially reliant on a man but if he was making regular contributions to a pension for me - as much as his - and I had absolute access and view of all the money, plus was valued for my contribution at home and we shared tasks in our shared time off... I think £150k. We're on about £115k combined now in London and I would want more leeway.