For me to be a SAHM my DH would have to earn.....

[CPHB2021]

Following on from a thread of 'if you knew all would be ok, I would...' and a resounding about said 'leave work and be a SAHP' I would absolutely LOVE to do this and by scraping the barrel, we probably could but we'd have little to no disposable income. I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings. I often wonder HOW some of the mums at school don't work, we are technically 'above average' income which seem LUDICROUS given that we use almost all of it, every month! We live in the SE and I think our outgoings must be quite high! How much would one person have to earn for you to leave work?

*not willing to do that

Dh earns 50k + and I'm a sahm. Our mortgage is teeny tiny though which is a massive help.

I was made redundant about 10 years ago and spent the next 18 months job hunting/with young twins. DH earned 27k at the time and we had a mortgage not long taken out. It was tight. We ran one old car, UK hol, shopped frugally, cut our cloth. It was doable.

We have more now - on average salaries - but you know what? I really enjoyed those days before being back on the corporate treadmill. i slept far better and was mentally and physically happier.

@Mumof2under5 because I've worked extremely hard over a number of years to get to where I am now and wouldn't like to throw away my career. Also like being financially independent.

Totally understand why some choose to be SAHM but everyone's different.

I actually work 4 days a week so I get a whole day to myself with my 2 children and our weekends are packed full of doing lovely things with our children.

As another PP has said though I do wish others (nurses, doctors, teachers etc) were paid more than they are. They really deserve to be paid better for their extremely important jobs.

I'm a single parent. Total that I get after tax/pension is £2k per month which includes salary and Universal Credit. I could probably survive without the UC, which takes it down to £1.5k, but there wouldn't be many luxuries. So, I could manage on my £21k salary. I live in a HA flat and the rent is £470pm.

Some of the numbers in here are so high! I think we could do it on 50k but I don't include an abroad holiday as essential.

It’s a very subjective question as everyone’s fixed living costs vary so wildly (mortgage costs for example).
I did the stay at home mum thing for 7 years, our mortgage costs weren’t as high as many and we had brought a car outright before kids and didn’t replace. Life wasn’t extravagant, but not on the breadline either. Having high monthly costs is difficult on one salary. As has been mentioned up thread, I did find myself after the 7 years, having given up my career, a single mum and having to start all over again. 10 years later I’m running a successful professional business, but I’ve had to work hard and retrain to get there. My kids are older teenagers now so don’t need me so much (apart from taxi service and emotional support) it’s not always easy juggling everything, but I wouldn’t be reliant on anyone else again financially and allow my career to go on the back burner. I’ve been financially very comfortable, to money being pretty tight and everything in between. I think you can find happiness in life at every level, though have very small amounts of money makes life pretty tough.

Does it make you feel smart to ask stupid questions?
You're obviously just ignorant to other cultures where it's normal for wives not to work.

We could afford for me to be a stay at home parent, husband earns £150k plus bonus. I worked really hard on my own career which I enjoy and so I've stayed part time working 2 days a week (£26k salary for my days) . My wage contributes to days out, holidays, meals etc. I prefer the balance of working.

I always find it really sad that many woman say things like this; social aspect, being busy and having a life outside the home.

It must be a very empty life when you can’t imagine anything to do, have nobody to see or nothing to make you happy without a job.

Or equally you could find it deeply tragic that someone sees their life in terms of looking after children, housework and going to ‘groups’ consisting of other women who’ve made the decision to become economically inactive?

How nasty. You brush off looking after children and doing housework as though it's unimportant. Do you know how many working mums would give anything not to miss out on that time with their DC?

I didn’t find staying at home looking after y own children as traffic. I loved my time with them, I appreciated that not all woman get the opportunity to to stay home and do so.

We shouldn’t ever look at children as a financial risk.

The sad things is that wages have been eroded and people no longer have that choice.

No not term time thats 30hrs a week after tax,ni and pension is taken

I don’t know anyone with that life.

I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings

Well you have different expectations so yeah you personally couldn't afford to be SAHP.

When I was SAHM, holidays aboard were out the window, savings we dwindling and got down to nothing.

Catching up with friends was coffee at someone's house, meeting in the park or trips to the beach with the kids. I only did free or very cheap activities.
DC still went swimming with me once a week, and went to churchhall mother and toddler groups, lots of walks collecting leaves, sticks, stones feathers. looking at/for animals wildlife.
bike rides
Paddling and catching creatures in a stream at the local nature reserve (actually encouraged my nature reserve giving out nets, wellies, trays and info cards).
Very occasionally we'd go to a soft play centre. Once one dc was in school the after school clubs were free or a couple of quid.

life was financially very tough. But as pp said with the cost of childcare it would have been just as financially tough anyway even if I was working.

I always find it really sad that many woman say things like this; social aspect, being busy and having a life outside the home.

But it's okay for men right? Men are allowed to enjoy work and a life away from home but the minute a women says this it attracts dickish comments like this.

It must be a very empty life when you can’t imagine anything to do, have nobody to see or nothing to make you happy without a job.

It must be a very empty life if you judge women for enjoying their job.

My DH earns enough for me not to work and on flip side I earn enough for my DH not to work. However we both choose to work because we love our jobs and they're a huge part of our identities.
Neither of us wanted to be a SAHP but only one of us gets judged for that decision 🙄

Honestly, I wouldn’t give up work unless my DH was earning what he currently earns, plus what I earn, plus my pension contributions, minus childcare. That would leave us in the same position as we are now. My main worry would be reducing the amount we’re putting into savings, and my pension. I’m in the civil service, and a high earner, so there’s a good amount going into my pension each year.

@LiteralSycamore is that all you can imagine to do without a job? Like I said above; it must be a really empty life if you genuinely cannot think of anything you’d do with your time other than housework and going to baby groups. I can see why, for many, a job is essential if they can’t do anything else with their time.

Why would you rather work?.
Because I bloody love my job!

You don't know any SAHMs?

I don’t know any man that says he needs a job for self esteem, social interaction and having something outside the home. If they did, of course that would be equally as sad. I think our lives should have so much more to them.

I don’t judge anyone for enjoying their job. I do find it genuinely sad that they do it because they don’t have anything else.

I know quite a few. I am one. None of us spend our days just doing housework and baby groups. Infact, of the ones I know; only one doesn’t have a cleaner and only 2 still have young children at home.

That’s brilliant. The poster I actually responded to said work was for social interaction and to have a life outside the home. Other pps have said they were bored and lonely. Do you not think it’s healthy to have more to life than a job?

What a stupid, ignorant comment - and what about men? It’s fine for them?

Of course I have things to do and people to see outside of work - but I also do within work. I find my job really interesting and challenging and the work I do actually helps a wide number of people. I used to hate my jobs and know how it feels to be depressed/think life is a pointless corporate treadmill, but I feel sad for people who never find a job they enjoy and think of work so negatively! Making money for yourself is an essential life skill unless you’re the child of millionaires.