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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cancel ski holiday? Injury

301 replies

GetMeOut85 · 18/01/2023 05:23

We have a ski holiday in a month. I've injured myself, can't ski anymore. Non-refundable in large part. It's a group holiday with friends so I would literally be sat in a ski lodge all by myself 8am-5pm every day, for a full week. DH can still ski so he's keen to go, he says it'll still be fun for me in the evenings (I think that's ridiculous). The trip cost a lot of money, probably our last ski holiday for a while. No, I'm not the kind to be happy about sitting by myself all day with a book while my friends go have fun and I sit around waiting for them all day. AIBU to say to DH we shouldn't go anymore? It'll be absolute misery for me. At least if we don't go, we save money otherwise spent on ski passes, rental and all the bars and restaurants. Am I being unfair?

OP posts:

KnickerlessParsons · 18/01/2023 07:51

Couldn't you do a bit of sightseeing? You said you'll have your car with you, or if you can't drive, get the bus or train.

FluffyFlower · 18/01/2023 07:54

He should go on his own

mewkins · 18/01/2023 07:57

I'd go. I've been on group holidays and done very little skiing but still enjoyed it a lot!

Dumpstertruck · 18/01/2023 07:57

littlelid · 18/01/2023 07:45

They'll see where she's logging on from on the IP. They might have software looking out for out of the ordinary things as part of their cyber security. Or she might not have WiFi or accidentally leave her camera on on a zoom call.

Show quote history

Fair enough, I guess it depends on the company.
I'd technically not be allowed to work for long periods from abroad but my company is so large and with so international much travel no one would ever know if I did, realistically, unless I started turning up on zoom calls with a suntan.
I do think OP managing to work in the day is probably the best solution here all round, if she can. Otherwise she shouldn't go.

Notfeelinglikemyself · 18/01/2023 07:58

Oh that's so tricky. Sitting in a lodge by myself would be bliss for me, but even for me 7 days is a bit much! And I can see why you'd rather not waste your annual leave for this.

Really DH should go alone but in his situation I'd be reluctant too as he'll be with the other 2 couples. It depends how well he gets on with them and how much he loves skiing.

If he really would rather not go, you should both stay, keep a day off and book yourself a nice spa and dinner with the money you're saving on a week of restaurants to cheer yourself up.

Stoic123 · 18/01/2023 07:59

Reasonable for you not to go but really push him to go on this own (make sure he knows you are really happy to do so).

WFH option from PP is a really good idea too if possible.

Changechangychange · 18/01/2023 08:00

I ski a lot. 2-3 times a year pre-kids. Austria, France, Norway, Switzerland, Canada, North America. I have yet to go to any resort that doesn’t have any activities whatsoever for non-skiers. My mum and husband don’t ski at all, and both of them have come on various trips with me and had an amazing time.

They all have a public pool. Many have spas/saunas, which are an experience in Austria whether you are usually into them or not. There are walks, around the town, on hard compacted snow, not deep powder (my 75 year old mum does them). There are shops. There will be daytrips to the local city (Salzburg, Vienna, Geneva). You can sit in a cafe and read a book. You can go up the gondola and have lunch with people. You can do activities like sleigh rides, tobogganing, tubing, skating. There will be local tourist attractions.

I get that you are pissed off you are injured. But if you want to go, you will only be sitting in the lodge all day if you choose to. DH is the most unselfmotivated person in the world, and he has always found stuff to do with himself.

NewYearNewName2023 · 18/01/2023 08:01

I don't think you are being unfair at all OP. Your husband is expecting you to waste your annual leave and have an unpleasant week so he can still go, which is very selfish of him - particularly as you have no issue with him going without you.

I would put my foot down and say I'm not going, you think he should still go and he has to make his own decision about whether to go or not (and it's his decision, no blaming you if he chooses not to)

EyesOnThePies · 18/01/2023 08:03

100% reasonable not to want to use your annual leave hobbling about in an area with nothing much to do but ski in a place you wouldn’t go to except to ski!

Can your DH take a friend?

A group of couples is a group situation , he is being weedy about the 3rd wheel aspect. I bet they don’t all ski as couples, I bet they ski according to difficulty of routes.

ChristmasTensions · 18/01/2023 08:05

Surely you could spend some nice cosy days reading and then enjoy the socialising in the evening? The money on travel and accommodation is spent so I think it makes sense to go. Not really fair on your DH otherwise.

TimeForMeToF1y · 18/01/2023 08:07

mewkins · 18/01/2023 07:57

I'd go. I've been on group holidays and done very little skiing but still enjoyed it a lot!

Why do posters keep making posts like this, it's not about you, @GetMeOut85 has quite clearly said thats not her cup of tea. Personally I'd be quite happy to do that too but I know that we're all different

If the husband won't go alone then there's no option but to give up on the trip and the money spent so far

Steviebrown · 18/01/2023 08:08

You're not being unreasonable because you're perfectly happy for your husband to go without you. It will be boring and a waste of time and money for you, other people saying they would enjoy it is no help at all. I was in a similar situation to you once Op, with a knee injury. I went and the fun of doing stuff on my own had worn off by the third day!

rookiemere · 18/01/2023 08:09

Our company doesn't allow you to work abroad, something to do with tax laws. It's a sackable offence I think, and suspect the laptop would not work anyway.

He should go on his own or get a pal to go with him - offer it at half price.

LordSugarTits · 18/01/2023 08:10

I'd ask work if it was possible for me to wfh at my destination as presumably they know you're injured and had annual leave booked.

If not I'd recheck that travel insurance, if what you're saying is right and DH goes alone he might want to get something better in place!

If work is a no go then he'll have to go alone or, better, find a friend to take your place.

lieselotte · 18/01/2023 08:15

GetMeOut85 · 18/01/2023 06:11

I can work from home but not from abroad. So would not be able to do that.

Show quote history

Does that rule apply even in these circumstances? Have you asked? It's only a week.

I am sure that if you go, you can find things to do. Also, what's the injury - is it a serious one - if so are you sure you can fly? If not, how do you know you won't be able to walk in a month's time?

lieselotte · 18/01/2023 08:16

rookiemere · 18/01/2023 08:09

Our company doesn't allow you to work abroad, something to do with tax laws. It's a sackable offence I think, and suspect the laptop would not work anyway.

He should go on his own or get a pal to go with him - offer it at half price.

Tax laws would not apply to working from overseas for a week.

rookiemere · 18/01/2023 08:17

@lieselotte well it's maybe not tax laws then, but we are certainly not allowed to do it.

lieselotte · 18/01/2023 08:18

Actually that's also a good suggestion from a pp - your DH wants you to go, so he does ski-ing every other day and goes out with you every other day. That's a reasonable compromise.

And ASK your employer about working - you don't know until you ask, don't assume based on a policy which was probably written during covid, and to stop people deciding to work from a beach for six months. (Unless you work in HR and know they will say no).

WhatDoesItSay · 18/01/2023 08:19

You have convinced me yanbu !
Could he take a friend? That would alleviate some of the cost and might encourage him to go. I'd want him to go if I were you. If feel jealous but I'd still prefer it to him not going. 😅

Lemonyfuckit · 18/01/2023 08:19

Having just come back from a ski holiday and wishing I was still there I was going to say go anyway, and enjoy the lovely scenery, chilling in a comfortable chalet etc etc. but given what you've said about it not being particularly luxurious more place to sleep / drink of an evening, and I'm assuming from what you've said about restaurants and taxis that 1) it's not a catered chalet with free wine and hosts making you delicious afternoon tea / dinner every day and 2) it's not particularly central in a ski resort with stuff around during the day, so actually yes I take your point about not wanting to be stuck there all day. If it was more comfy / luxurious than your home go, if less so, no that's no fun at all. Otherwise I would have said yes if you can't work remotely from there (and so assuming you're not off sick from your injury) seems a pointless waste of annual leave for you.

I think your DH though should grow up a bit - if he really wants to ski then be a big boy and go by himself, assuming these are good friends they should make him feel included and not like a third wheel.

helpfulperson · 18/01/2023 08:19

Can your husband and friends not take it in turns to spend the day with you? And drive so you could go out and about. That's what we did when we went and one person wasn't able to ski due to injury.

Stravaig · 18/01/2023 08:20

You're both being a bit crap, to be honest. You for not being able to entertain yourself during the day, either alone or with other people not on the slopes. Him for not being happy to socialise in the evenings without his wife-accessory on his arm.

I think we should magically reassign your holiday to people for whom being in the mountains, being on the slopes, being on holiday at all is an unimaginable treat.

lieselotte · 18/01/2023 08:20

rookiemere · 18/01/2023 08:17

@lieselotte well it's maybe not tax laws then, but we are certainly not allowed to do it.

I think there's a difference between doing it for a week and doing it for a few weeks or months at a time. My employer allows it on a case by case basis, so would be fine in this scenario but not if I said I was going to Australia for a year (well, they might be, but it would depend on the laws in that case).

Lemonyfuckit · 18/01/2023 08:20

Lulu1919 · 18/01/2023 06:23

If you don't want to go ..then don't go and tell your husband that...you're not being selfish he is husband is an adult..if he wants to go he goes...if not he stays behind.
Saying he won't go without you is silly
If they ski all day he won't be a 3rd wheel...it's ski-ing not a romantic island idyll??

Exactly

Crazycrazylady · 18/01/2023 08:21

Absolutely tell your husband that you're not going and that you wish him absolutely well to head off and enjoy himself. Honestly what a wimp.

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