Cancel ski holiday? Injury

[GetMeOut85]

We have a ski holiday in a month. I've injured myself, can't ski anymore. Non-refundable in large part. It's a group holiday with friends so I would literally be sat in a ski lodge all by myself 8am-5pm every day, for a full week. DH can still ski so he's keen to go, he says it'll still be fun for me in the evenings (I think that's ridiculous). The trip cost a lot of money, probably our last ski holiday for a while. No, I'm not the kind to be happy about sitting by myself all day with a book while my friends go have fun and I sit around waiting for them all day. AIBU to say to DH we shouldn't go anymore? It'll be absolute misery for me. At least if we don't go, we save money otherwise spent on ski passes, rental and all the bars and restaurants. Am I being unfair?

Where are you going? You've been asked a couple of times but haven't answered.

There'll be hotels with spas in resort. Put your pass money towards using their facilities for the week.

How far are you from the pistes? So the skiers can meet you for lunch? Hugely keen or not, 8-5 is a full-on day, and I'm willing to bet there'll be one or two who do half days. I'm hugely keen on skiing, and I did a couple of half days on our recent trip. I made full use of the spa facilities in our hotel instead. My quads thanked me for it as they needed the break.

If it was refundable, I'd say cancel, but as it's not, I'd say go and make the best of the situation.

Alternatively, is there a mate DH could invite in your place so he's not a third wheel?

I can actually understand why your DH doesn't want to go without you. I wouldn't want to be the only "solo" in a group of couples, especially when it comes to going out for meals and cosy evenings in.

Can't you both compromise? You both go but agree that he doesn't ski everyday (or at least, not all day) and you spend the days off together? You can always get the lift up as a non-skier and go for a long lunch and meet your friends too.

Also restaurants in resort often do really good deals at lunchtime and are very glad of the trade. I spent 12 days in the French Alps @ 30 weeks pregnant. DH was working so out all day from 8 till at least 5. My routine was walk up to leisure centre for aqua aerobics 10-11 then smooze around cafes having hot chocolate/ lunch. Back to the accomadation by 2ish for a rest/ read, went to the cinema a couple of times then go to meet DH from the slopes.

Went up the mountain for lunch together on his day off.

Personally I would go, with books, but my friends are the type to stay with me on rotation. Second choice, DH would go without me. Unless I was in need of round the clock care, both staying home wouldn't be an option. If you need him with you at all times due to to injury or loneliness, I can see why you might need to both stay home.

YABU to want him to cancel. HIBU to not go on his own. If I was you I wouldn’t go but I wouldn’t make him cancel. You choose what you do and he chooses what he does.

I'd go. I'd take books and movies and have baths in the middle of the day.

I'd ask work if I can work remotely during the day to save the annual leave.

Then you can have a great time having dinner and drinking with friends every evening.

If nothing else it's a huge waste of money for neither you or DH to go at this point.

If you'd have said in your original post that he refuses to go on his own but you don't want to go you'd have got a very different response to this thread, and the YABU % would have been the other way around. Your original post comes across a bit spoilt like you're making him not have a holiday because you can't, when in fact it's the other way round.

Your DH is being unreasonable and you're not at all. The evenings would be lovely but the price to pay is a lot of hours on your own. The ideal would be if you could WFH (abroad) in the day, if not yes I'd tell him to get fucked and go alone if he wants to still go, but stop trying to drag you along.

He should go on his own or take a friend.

He is being ridiculous that you have to attend as everyone else is in a couple. It comes across as insecure. L

I'm with you OP, wouldn't want to go either. And I can't ski anyway, no fomo.

You've said the place you're booked at is fine for sleeping and drinking of an evening but that's it. So, no spa, activities, shops or cafes. I'd be bored too and I love knitting/reading. But being stuck in a bedroom like I was being quarantined for covid? Yeah, nah.

Also annual leave is worth protecting, I used to be feral about it!

I hope your DH comes to his senses and goes by himself- only decent solution I can think of.

Guilt. All couples so he’d be third wheeling all the time

Insane. You are injured, you can't participate in this holiday and you have explained sitting around all day on your own would be miserable for you (me too - I would not mind being alone so much but I'm very active & listening to everyone else talk about their day's skiing while I'd done nothing would crack me up).

He either goes himself ... or he doesn't go. He can't force you to go. That's really unfair of him.

A week alone relaxing and self relflection might do you the world of good.

How patronising. 'Self-reflection' - why do you think OP needs this.

I would hate to be alone in the way OP describes (obviously being at home alone is different as she will have other things to occupy her)

Your husband needs to go on his own and you stay home. It's hard work in snow if your injured and not up for the trip, even if you can get around a bit.

You could sit in the lodge, but holiday time is precious - so if you don't enjoy being on your own, he needs to do his thing and you, yours.

You've framed your OP poorly.

If you had put it's your DH that is forcing you to go or he won't - you would get a completely different response.

Is there space to bring a non skiing friend for company?

Any chance you could amend your flights so you just go for 3/4 nights and arrive or leave with the group? That's just 2/3 days to amuse yourself once you take arrival and departure into account and you get to enjoy some evenings together. I appreciate that might not be viable if there are expensive transfer costs for you from the airport but might be ok given the savings you are making on your skis/passes etc.

I really feel for you and totally understand the boredom of ski holidays when you can't ski or do anything and are injured.

Have you checked your insurance? Are you sure you are not covered?

Are you likely to hurt yourself trying to get around an icy, snowy resort?
How injured are you? If it is just a sprain that is one thing, but if you have broken bones that is quite another and you should be prioritised.

I would probably compromise. Yes we can go, but dh does not ski all day. He skis in the mornings whilst you have a lie in and a bath, and then you go out together for a long lunch around 2pm before doing something together in the afternoon. A swim in a hotel pool if you are not in a plaster, sightseeing if its possible, horse and sleigh rides etc or a movie afternoon together in the lodge. Meet friends for drinks and dinner in the evening.

If you are uncomfortable or it gets too much you agree to fly home early.

Totally understand that a ski trip where you’re not skiing is not fun. Really think you should see if you can encourage him to go without you. During the day it’ll be more about skiing with those who are of a similar standard rather than being very coupley. Then lots of chat about the day during the evening.

I sympathise @GetMeOut85. There's nothing worse listening to other peoples funny stories about an activity you love but can't join in.

It sounds like whatever your husband has gone through has been tough and perhaps sees you as a crutch (no pun intended).

If he's not ready to go it alone then both stay home. Speak to your insurance. Chalk it up as a lost holiday. If he's feeling guilty about the cost and trouble you've gone to, can he repay you his portion?

Also, skiers are very self absorbed, so if they are not very good friends and it is likely they will bang on all evening, every evening, about the days skiing without any awareness then I wouldn't go. Not a chance, because that would drive me nuts.

They'll see where she's logging on from on the IP. They might have software looking out for out of the ordinary things as part of their cyber security. Or she might not have WiFi or accidentally leave her camera on on a zoom call.

Also I do think your dh is being quite selfish. It is bad enough having an injury and missing your skiing/holiday without him stamping his feet and refusing to go alone. He should be able to manage! He will be skiing all day, eating in the evening with friends, why on earth can't he cope with that??!

If you really can't face it, don't go and leave it up to him. He can take a friend, a sibling or man up and do something by himself for once, it will be good for him!! It is a bit pathetic.

Your husband is being selfish. He’s trying to force you on a ski trip when you are injured and don’t want to go when really he needs to get a grip and go by himself.

Agree that you’d have had a different response if you’d put in your OP that you’ve encouraged your DH to go alone.

Is there some sort of compromise? He gets up early and skis in the morning and meets you for a late lunch and to go out and about of an afternoon? If you say roughly where you’re going, people might have some ideas for trips/activities in the area. That way it becomes a different sort of holiday which you might both enjoy.

Will your work allow you to WFH for a week from a different country? Lots of companies do.

I think he should go on his own. I'm sure he can cope not being part of a couple for a week!

Otherwise I guess I'd find a hotel with a spa and chill out for the week, and relocate myself to the bar at the bottom run from 2pm onwards, there will be loads of people for you to socialise with

Yabu. You paid already. Go and enjoy your friend s company in the evening and explore local area, read books and enjoy your own company during the day.