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AIBU?

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Original poster

He has a son ?? 😢

526 replies

CharlotteRose90 · 17/01/2023 20:49

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.

anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.

im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 18/01/2023 19:36

There is no such thing as the one, there are multiple potential matches, He’s not a match
He lied, you only dated 12 week so still have time to shrug and walk away
call it quits and date other men who aren’t parents

YNK · 18/01/2023 19:42

He LIED by checking the box saying he had no children!
He ignored the OP's stated preference for only seeing someone with no children!

I can't believe people are excusing this dishonesty!

If he can casually lie about having a son he will casually lie about having any relationship!
To then casually drop into conversation that he lied about having a child, and brazenly expect the OP to just let this go - green light for denying you next OP!

Run!

TmFid · 18/01/2023 19:43

I remember the same thing happening to me when I dated online years ago. Went out for a few months and then he disappeared. When he renewed contact, he explained he didn’t know how to tell me that he had a child from his divorce and he thought saying he had one, would put women off him!! I was gobsmacked, especially as his profile had said he didn’t have kids. Was especially confounded when he said his child was his “ entire world,” ( which is fair enough) but obviously he wasn’t important enough to actually mention! I ditched him. It’s a massive lie to tell!

MGMidget · 18/01/2023 19:44

He lied to get more interest/more dates and hope that once you were sucked into a relationship with him he could mention the child and you would accept it. He probably also likes that you want children as he is seeing potential step-mum material /childcare on the days he has custody (if he does).

brainexplorer · 18/01/2023 19:48

Margo34 · 17/01/2023 21:03

Bit weird that he wouldn't have brought it up on 2nd or 3rd date then! Says a lot about him as a parent in itself. Not someone I'd want to consider starting a family with. Leave!

Show quote history

Exactly this. 3 months of dating and his son never being mentioned suggests a minimally involved parent. Not someone to start a family with.

Pizzamyamour · 18/01/2023 19:51

Did he lie though?

Not everyone reads everything on a profile before reaching out

MotherOfHouseplants · 18/01/2023 19:54

Pizzamyamour · 18/01/2023 19:51

Did he lie though?

Not everyone reads everything on a profile before reaching out

Yes. From OP:

”He said he didn’t tell me as he saw on my profile I wouldn’t date anyone with kids. He thought he could change my mind I’m guessing.”

DarceyG · 18/01/2023 20:12

Run. He’s a liar!!! This won’t change. I recently had a terrible experience with a compulsive liar from online dating. Get out while it’s new. You might feel a bit sad but save you a world of devastation when his lying, behaviour gets worse.

DarceyG · 18/01/2023 20:16

The best thing about the compulsive liar I met was his tag line in the dating site was I hate liars!! He lied about everything even when there was no reason to lie. Huge, huge red flag. Don’t date liars, we all tell a white lie to get out of things etc but this is a big NO!!!

Penguinsaregreat · 18/01/2023 20:26

I think he is an absolute shit.
Not only is he a total liar, he is also coming across as a terrible father. Who the hell denies their child?
Seriously. He reminds me of the type of man who goes out of his way to have an affair. Lying and conniving his way through life. Deliberately deceiving women to get a fuck. I have zero respect for people like him.
I bet his ex would be pissed off knowing he denies his child.

Original poster
CharlotteRose90 · 18/01/2023 20:40

Sorry for the late response I’ve been at work and then I was at a friends. He sent me flowers into my work today which was a bit embarrassing but doesn’t change my mind.

yes to answer the question we did call and text every day. When he said he had plans with his friends or going to the gym etc I believed him. He’s in good shape so i didn’t have any doubts. We haven’t talked but I’m guessing when he said the gym sometimes it was his time with him.

As regards to the ivf yes I know that it might not work and I may have to have more paid ones or it could not work entirely. It’s a risk I want to take and I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t. When I went to the clinic to have my fertility assessment thing they said then that In my area the nhs don’t pay out if one parent already has children. It may have changed who knows. Was about 15 months ago.

the lie is what’s done it for me. My friends have children and i know they don’t go a day without talking about them. To hide it for 12 weeks is too much. If he’d have opened up early on things may be different but as much as I like him it’s too much for me.

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 18/01/2023 20:50

Stick to your guns op. This liar has zero boundaries. He knew that you did not want to date someone like him and that is perfectly acceptable.
Yet he ignored your boundaries.
He will not respect your boundaries.
I would block him on everything.

QueenSmartypants · 18/01/2023 20:52

. He sent me flowers into my work today which was a bit embarrassing but doesn’t change my mind

Of course he did.

Well done on being strong and clear minded, op.

Wookiebowl · 18/01/2023 20:55

Fair play to you OP, having standards and clear boundaries is very valuable indeed.

JenniferBooth · 18/01/2023 21:07

I thought he would go down the flowers route. Well done OP

SidTwaddell · 18/01/2023 21:13

This reply has been deleted

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ShinyMe · 18/01/2023 21:14

The fact that he sent flowers to YOUR WORK rather than your house says a lot imo. Well done for sticking to your guns.

billy1966 · 18/01/2023 21:17

The amount of posters bending themselves out of shape to excuse a manipulative liar.

He set out to lie from the beginning.

A big lie.

He is an easy liar OP.

You are so well rid.

JenniferBooth · 18/01/2023 21:20

@ShinyMe I was going to post the same thing. He was probably hoping her colleugues would gush about what a lovely man he must be.

Dibbydoos · 18/01/2023 21:21

A person not mentioning their child to a potential partner is a red flag.

Consider this relationship very carefully.

Zone2NorthLondon · 18/01/2023 21:22

billy1966 · 18/01/2023 21:17

The amount of posters bending themselves out of shape to excuse a manipulative liar.

He set out to lie from the beginning.

A big lie.

He is an easy liar OP.

You are so well rid.

Completely agree! One doesn’t forget having a son. He purposefully omitted it

Fuckstix · 18/01/2023 21:22

JenniferBooth · 18/01/2023 21:20

@ShinyMe I was going to post the same thing. He was probably hoping her colleugues would gush about what a lovely man he must be.

Yep. More manipulation.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 18/01/2023 21:50

He sent me flowers into my work today which was a bit embarrassing but doesn’t change my mind.

such a manipulative move. He really is an unapologetic manipulator

Hmm1234 · 18/01/2023 23:14

Are you dating him for a baby?

Chatachukchatter · 18/01/2023 23:18

He obviously doesn't get the "no children" message