He has a son ?? 😢

[CharlotteRose90]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.

anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.

im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

Brilliant, now we have a Poor Menz/if this was the other way around poster 🙄

Do you understand that there’s a difference between not mentioning it on your profile, and perusing someone that has stated they DONT WANT to date someone with kids, lying on your own profile saying you don’t have children AND leading someone on for 3 MONTHS?!

Do you understand why women are advised not to advertise that they have children? Do you understand that the vast, vast majority of pedos are male? Or should we forget that because being kind/fair to men is more important?

I think you missed the part where the man knew OP wanted childless but then was deceitful about having a child.
The stripper thing is a tacky capitalistic 'tradition' for both sexes

The poor menz parade do not have a grasp on reality

It is totally irrelevant what happens on other threads or in any other thought experiment you might care to dream up. This is an issue that is deeply personal to the OP, that she already knows is likely to cause her pain and suffering in the future. She has drawn a firm boundary to protect herself and made it explicitly clear on her OLD profile. This man saw that detail and, knowing she would not date him if she knew he had a child, lied by omission for three months in the hope that he could charm her into abandoning her boundary. A man who is prepared to do this will never respect any other lines she wishes to draw.

She is to be congratulated for enforcing her boundary, not whined at with whataboutery.

Pot, kettle, my arse.

There is a HUGE difference between "not mentioning" & "lying on the dating site by saying you have no children."

OP hasn't posted anything about wanting a rich guy.
That's purely your own obsession Crestaq.

Why is it that some posters will apply any bullshit sophistry to excuse how a woman behaves if different than when it's a man?
Someone even excused women watching strippers now.
Just fucking own it and stop waffling.

Listen he lied, he's been dumped. He's playing around on the dating scene like lots of us do and have done.

Well said Naunet.

Also, women tend to do worse in ''blended family' set ups, becoming the default stepmum even if not cohabiting, & being guilt-tripped into taking on a lot of the childcare that should belong to the man when he has contact.

Whereas men happily enter into a relationships with women who already have kids, because he has no intention of becoming her child's care provider.

The whataboutery here is a totally false equivalence.

The misogyny is coming from inside the house

House?

Yourself. You literally came on the thread to say...what about...other irrelevant threads/strippers (lol??) like a criticism to OP or posters.

I did just come on to the thread. I posted earlier and I'm a woman.
This isn't a feminist issue it's a man lying on a dating site.

That was @Lost123454 , not @PrincessConstance

Then why even mention some irrelevant double standard referenced on some other unrelated thread, somewhere in the past, as a woman?

X 100.

How can it be a mistake???!!!!!

This is why women always settle for shit! No wonder there's so many post about shit "DP's" on MN. No standards. The bar is in hell.

A woman has the right to want what she wants. She could have put on there that she doesn't want any bald men and that's her right!

You had your own ideal list of criteria when you started dating

He clearly does not fit your list

Therefore, you should end this relationship ASAP

He is a father, he has a child

‐-

Reminds me of Big Ed on 90 day Fiance
He travelled to Philippines from USA & didn't tell Rose that he didn't want any more children.
Rose ended the relationship & said clearly, why didn't you tell me this before you travelled ! Because she wanted 2 more children in the future. He lied too.

Absolutely!

@KettrickenSmiled that is why as a child free by choice woman i would NEVER date a man with kids. And not even older kids because the likelihood of having to provide childcare for THEIR kids later on would be a possibility as well. I just dont want to do it and i TOTALLY agree with you Less is expected of step FATHERS than step MOTHERS especially when it comes to the gruntwork. e,g ive seen posts on here where stepmothers are expected to do the washing and clean up after their stepchildren but God forbid they have any input regarding the childs behaviour Fuck that!!!

OP if someone decieved me like this i would be fucking livid. You sound great and i really hope you get what you want and deserve

He is a lying egotistical entitled and im willing to bet sexist creep. Because like a PP said he doesnt want to be a stepfather but was ok with trying to deceive you into being a stepmother.

Read all my posts and you will see what I meant.

@Pearlygates“the bar is in hell”

😂
I used to think it was often the emotional equivalent of potholing and bad enough but I believe you have a point.

Just wanted to say I’m sorry he did that.

And you’re right to walk away.

If you stop being so vitriolic for a minute you will realise that when I posted it wasn’t clear whether the OP had explained on the dating profile exactly why she didn’t want to date someone with children. Her opening post also stated that he hadn’t mentioned that he had a child - it was a bit of a drip feed to get to the facts. Not defending him, shitbag or not, but based on the information I had at the time of posting, I was simply trying to present options beside the usual shite LTB that crops up on here regularly. If she hadn’t explained her reasons for not dating dads, and he hadn’t come clean because he didn’t realise the importance of her reasons, then there may have been a way through, given that they liked each other. But she did and he didn’t, so yes he’s a shitbag and there’s no excuse. No need to be so bloody rude.

I think I must have missed something but not telling you about something is not the same as lying.

@jillb55 it absolutely is. It’s called lying by omission. Not telling someone something that you know is important is just as big a lie as telling an untruth. Surely that’s obvious?