He has a son ?? 😢

[CharlotteRose90]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.

anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.

im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

Yes, he sounds shite. But to have on your profile nobody with kids could be a mistake

Why?

Hopefully she'll attract men with comprehension skills.

If you'd used your empathy skills you probably would have realised though?

I haven't read all the replies, but I'm BAFFLED by the ones saying that it's pretty early to know, and what he did is in any way acceptable yada yada.

He's an ASSHOLE.

I would never respect a man who hid his child deliberately from me. A good dad wouldn't be able to do that. They wouldn't want to do that. A kid is your source of love and pride. And the fact he hid him because you were clear on your profile that you didn't want a man with kids is even shittier.

Honestly, I really know how difficult dating is but you are better off going for IVF alone than compromising over this sort of guy.

I think i got it from first post maybe cresta just has low expectations

It really is staggering the number of people telling the OP - someone who has clearly thought about her situation and her wishes - that she’s wrong in not wanting to meet a man who already has children.

Why is there such a constant need in the world to tell women that their decisions and wishes are wrong?

No wonder men think it’s acceptable when even other women do it constantly.

I know. OP knows her own mind. It's ridiculous.

100 percent this.

OP has done nothing but be honest and clear about what she wants - and she's entitled to want what she wants!!

He says he doesn't have kids on his profile too.

He says he doesn't have kids on his profile too.

Posted too soon! If he's lying about not having kids on his online dating profile, he's clearly not looking for a serious relationship!

I think you really need to end it.

I didn't get it. She was coming at it from a financial standpoint

It helps if you at least read all OP posts before 'advising'.

If you genuinely thought OP was coming at it from a financial standpoint, your "but you could be missing out on a wonderful man" comment was even worse. Because you were basically urging OP to put up with dating a liar, so long as he's a rich liar.

That's sad, & disgusting.

I've seen countless women on here state that they don't mention they have children when they begin dating

Just like when a woman goes on a hen and there's a stripper that's fine but if a man goes to a strip club on a stag all we hear is get a divorce

Pot, kettle, black

Not him. He was a shit.
But to leave it on your profile was what I meant

Could be another rich guy already with kids who she'd put off.
Now clarified she doesn't want him to have previous kids for other reasons as well as £.

But she doesn't want to date a man with children.

A woman who lied on the circumstances the OP mentions - on their profile, then in full conversation about the future and specifically children and then hid all existence of their child in conversation and their home - would have been castigated on here.

in fact, I’d bet someone would mention calling social services…

He didn’t just hide that he has a child when they started doing so, he actively lied and hid his child’s existence for three months!

What is is his reason for hiding the fact he has a child?

Trickery

Not selfish in the least. No point having boundaries if you don't enforce them. Well done, OP.

Because he doesn't think women should be allowed to reject him.

Been there done that, got a t-shirt. 1.5months in with someone i found out he had 3 kids he was not even seeing.

Fooloshly, i stayed with him however a year later more lies resurfaced and i am now happily single.

This won’t be the only thing he’s hiding from you, sorry.

Because he wanted the Op to date him.

i.e. what he wants is all that matters and he’ll happily trample her very clear boundaries to get his way.

If he's lied about something this major I wouldn't be able to trust him. What if he tells you he wants to have more kids then it turns out that was a lie too just to string you along?

Aside for the ivf issues. People have the right to not want to date people with kids for whatever reason. I'm a stepmum. The kids are great but having that eternal connection to an ex is tough. I went from being single with no kids to 3 stepkids and a difficult ex but I knew the situation before I got into it. It's not something someone should be tricked into. You've stated a boundary on your profile and he's ignored it. Red flag.

Well done OP, and for him wanting a second chance, yeah he can find someone else, you are not stopping that.