He has a son ?? 😢

[CharlotteRose90]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.

anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.

im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

Are you being serious 😂😂😂

Lying by omission, lying by commission, they're just two different techniques but they're both lying.

OP had on her profile "that I don’t date people with children." She was therefore entitled to believe that no men with children would contact her, she has been clear and up-front that they do not meet her criteria. He did contact her, therefore presenting himself as a man without children - lying. You don't have to say it in words to be lying.

Lying by omission is just as scuzzy as by commission, and in some ways actually worse. When lied to by commission, the person lied to is able to direct their anger at being lied to solely at the liar. Bu omission, the person lied to directs some of their anger at themselves for being conned and blame themselves for not double-checking, for being gullible, etc. - and they are not to blame. An omission lie can therefore be far more damaging than a commission lie. It's an underhand way to behave, this prick probably doesn't see himself as a liar, but he is - and a manipulative liar to boot.

Don’t waste any more of your time. He’s not the one, he has lied to you from the start. Whatever the reasons you don’t want to date someone with children are valid and should be respected. He shouldn’t even have contacted you in the first place never mind strung it out this long.

Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child sorry not read full thread but I think this is meant to be changing/had changed so worth researching again.

And yes he's a prick

😂😂😂

Wonderful men don't set out to deceive you.
Wonderful men don't deny they have children.

And if OP does meet a properly wonderful man, he's not there to be anybody's walking fucking wallet. If you are female Crestaq, you're a disgrace to your sex. If you are male - stop taking the piss, not every woman is a gold-digger.

But he’s not though, he’s a liar and lied about his own child. Shit for the OP, shit for his child. No part of this makes him sound wonderful. Even if he could pay for unlimited IVF, maybe the OP doesn’t want “blended family”/stepchild/half sibling/ex partner bollocks in her life.

He’s a liar. He clearly saw your profile said no children but he went ahead anyway, stomping all over your preferences.

I feel sorry for the child he hides.

He said he didn’t tell me as he saw on my profile I wouldn’t date anyone with kids.
so he knew and deliberately didn’t tell you, carefully answered your questions, highly likely removed pictures, lied about bedroom being an office and obviously was careful posting Xmas pics.
He is very manipulative. of course you liked him as he clearly made a big effort to present you a certain image he thought you would like but it wasn’t real him.

Do wonderful men deceive?
I don’t think so, personally

someone who hides the existence of their child isn't great father material anyway.

He’s a liar OP.

You can’t build a long term relationship based on dishonesty.

No one lies to their partner just once, either he’s comfortable deceiving you for his own convenience, or he’s not. And it wasn’t because he liked you, he saw on your profile that you aren’t open to dating parents and he chose to disrespect and ignore your wishes before he ever met you.

Don’t dump him for being a dad. Dump him for being an untrustworthy deceitful shit.

Sorry to hear about your medical condition, I’ve struggled with secondary infertility myself. Spent £10k on one round of unsuccessful IVF and they say you should have at least three tries to give it a fair go, I know one woman who had 6 attempts before she succeeded. So don’t throw away free NHS IVF on the basis of a 12 week relationship.

If you’re under age 35 I’d strongly recommend freezing your eggs, because IVF with young frozen eggs works WAY better than IVF with fresh eggs from a woman in her thirties, my doctor sadly said.

I really wish someone had told me that.

Yes, he sounds shite. But to have on your profile nobody with kids could be a mistake

Why would it be a mistake to have nobody with kids on her profile if she doesn’t want to date anybody with kids?

What’s wrong with saying nobody with kids? It is well over twenty years since I was on OLD and I can’t remember if I said nobody with children, but if that was an option, I would definitely have put no children, I was about 30, wanted somebody about the same age and there were lots with no children to choose from.

Now I am 52 and if I was on OLD today I wouldn’t say no children, although I wouldn’t want small children, but adult children would be ok.

Dump. If you stay with him you definitely wont have kids, if you dont then the possibility is still open. Its either a deal breaker or it's not.

Eh?

OP only wants to date childfree men.
How on earth could it be a mistake to specify that upfront?

There’s no such thing as ‘the one’ I’m afraid. Just the one that’s right for now, and he ain’t it, sorry

Wonderful of you to jump in and defend this shitbag, but yes, he did lie, on his profile he said he didn’t have kids. Do you want to make some different excuses for him now? She owes him nothing by the way.

You can put anything you like on your profile if it's something that's important!
Saves wasting time.... Or at least it should.

Any man that Could essentially deny the existence of his own child isn’t worth another second if your time OP

Fucking hell!!!

Sorry I thought her reason was solely about affording ivf

If there are other reasons to not want him to have kids then fair enough

As the op also reasonably explained she doesn't want to date someone with dc because if I've failed then she doesn't want a constant reminder of a stepchild

Oh yes she mentions that about 10 posts later.