He has a son ?? 😢

[CharlotteRose90]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.

anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.

im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

It that makes me selfish so be it.

No, it doesn't make you selfish at all.

It makes him a disrespectful liar ... He felt entitled to lie to get what/who he fancies.

There are a million women out there who don't minding dating a father - often because they have kids themselves - why didn't he just focus on one of them?

(Does he not want to be a step father, but is happy for his gf to be a step mother? If so, More selfishness).

Oh Ticket. Glad you were able to see the light & ditch him before you got enmeshed.

There are so many of these child-denying men about. It seems to be easy for them - & no wonder, because they, & the whole of society, deep down believe that childraising is a woman's job. Hence how many men get away with it.

Imagine the boot on the other foot - a woman lying about having kids. She would be excoriated as a monster.
A man does it "oh, boys will be boys, men are good at compartmentalising, he has a MyCrazyExTM, what else could he do?" - nothing but excuses for them.
Meanwhile, all the load falls on their exes ...

Just noticed on his profile he says he doesn’t have kids on his profile too.

Fkg ell, it's not even like he he really liked your profile and sneakily lied to try to get you to date him, with the intention of telling you when you were invested (which is still immoral) ... He's actually denying the existence of his son on his dating profile and trying to pull women with them thinking he had no kids.

RUN.

Imagine the boot on the other foot - a woman lying about having kids. She would be excoriated as a monster.

Nail on the head, as always.

Yep. It's like hes already makin OP self doubt and feel selfish because of his lie. Oh the irony.The gaslighting, the lies are huge red flags

Had OP not been so specific on her profile I could understand why some people might not mention dcs initially. But she was and it's clear that to her it mattered.

A different scenario but it reminds me of a man whose wife I got chatting to in a charity shop. She was doing voluntary work there and seems like an all round lovely person.

She commented on my young child and then told me she had one teenage daughter and would always have loved another child, and was very aware that she was getting to the end of her natural fertility. Her problem was that, having split from the father of her child she had met and married a divorced/separed man with 5 (I think) kids of his own. He had told her in conversations that he could have "5 more" quite happily. She married him on that basis. It was not happening and she spoke to him about it; he then told her he'd gone and gotten a vasectomy without telling her.

I'd say she wanted to leave him but at that point they'd families were already blended, they were married, financially tied up together and sge felt she couldn't. She was visibly sad/upset/unsettled. She was telling me about their camper van holidays etc and I just thought - you poor fkg thing, stuck living with, having sex with, holidaying with that deceptive , disrespectful bastard and you feel too invested to leave (and he knew she would, he calculated she'd not go and he'd lose nothing if she was invested).

I wouldn't like to see another woman in a similar position. You're not tied in in any way, that's a huge bonus here

He's also stated he had no kids on his profile!!!!!

Takes a real piece of work to publicly state they have no children, when they do in fact have a child who calls them Dad.

A real Prince amongst men isn’t he!

at least you can sever all attachments to him unlike that poor little boy.

Well he's clearly got a high opinion of himself if he thought you wouldn't mind that he'd lied because he could change your mind!

I find it even more worrying that he says he doesn't have children on his profile and his house doesn't have photos of his son (unless he hid them).

You've had a lucky escape in my opinion.

@CharlotteRose90
A family member was dating a man who said he was single, Divorced, a lawyer, and lived in Hampstead.

Turns out he has two children, is married, lives with his wife and does not live in Hampstead.

Why didn't he mention his child?

The lying is much more of the worry than the child is in my eyes.

Run.

Any man who loves his child will mention them immediately.
Denying them?

What a little shit!

I would ditch him, but I would not send the message you propose above. You don’t owe him an explanation as he has spent 12 weeks receiving you quite deliberately.

I would just tell him that it’s over and not to contact you again. No more. He fucking knows he’s lied. Don’t entertain any more shit from him.

Deceiving not receiving!

Very sensible.
The person I mentioned with the lying man on Dating did get enmeshed, and her own children loathed this awful man.
He was horrible, completely untrustworthy.

Thankfully they are not dating now, but it caused a hurt woman even more pain.

Honesty is essential in a relationship.

Wishing there was LIKE button!

Thing is @CharlotteRose90 You know he actively HID this from you. The subject came up time and time again and he said FA.

the LEAST a person can do is respect someone else's position on things like not wanting to date someone with kids. He HID his son in his profile knowing that this (understandably) puts some women off. You were explicit in your profile and he deliberately chose to ignore that. he didn't just not read it, he read it alright, or it would have come up already and he would have mentioned his son to you.

Your text is absolutely fine. You owe him nothing more than this.

Chin up girl, move on Randall the best to you. NEVER lose faith in you.

He didn’t actually lie though did he, except by omission. I would think the answer as to why he didn’t tell you, is actually because it’s on your profile that you don’t date dads. If you’ve been dating regularly for three months maybe he thought this was long enough to come clean about his son. Have you actually explained why you don’t want to date someone with kids, on your dating profile, or has it come up in conversation at any time ? If not, maybe he thought it wasn’t so big a deal that you wouldn’t accept he had a son when you got to know each other properly. I think you owe each other an explanation and as others have suggested, if you like each other and see a future together, maybe try to find a way through.

Rtft then reconsider your response

She doesn't owe him an explanation at all. He overstepped the mark by being deceitful. He doesn't need to know the whys, all you have to do is respect someones wishes and move on, not disrespect it and on top of that, to lie about it.

He lied. He put "no kids" on his dating profile.

He then sat through conversations with OP about her wish to have DC & not to date anyone with DC. If you don't consider that lying, you are either a liar yourself, or prone to being hoodwinked by liars.

@BitOutOfPractice calm yourself down I’ve acknowledged that the guy is a creep (to the lady who posted) and I am aware he is a liar. I originally asked what the lie was and how he did it, the lady then explained to me that they had a conversation about future children and he didn’t bring his son up which again I have acknowledged is wrong. All that needs to be said is good luck to the lady for her future.

But you could be missing out on a wonderful man who is rich enough to pay for as much if as you need??

Wonderful men don't lie and pretend they don't have a child.