He has a son ?? 😢

[CharlotteRose90]

So I’ve been seeing a guy for 12 weeks after meeting online dating. Literally dates Atleast twice a week.

anyway tonight he tells me he can’t see me for 2 weeks. I thought he was going away for work so I asked. And his response is he’s having his little boy while the mum goes on holiday.

im absolutely gobsmacked and a little hurt. He has never once mentioned having a child. I also have on my profile that I don’t date people with children. Personal and selfish reasons being that due to a medical reason I need ivf or help to try and have children and I know i won’t get it on the nhs if my partner had a child. For reference I already know I am entitled too it on the nhs for my condition.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

Exactly. It wasn’t just that he didn’t tell you, he had lots of opportunities for it to come up and he didn’t use them. He’s a liar. You’re well away.

This too.

You have done the right thing.
I also state in my dating profile that I don’t want to date anyone with children (older teens+ are fine) for different reasons than yours. I have dated several guys who forgot to tell me they had kids until we had been going out a while. If they can hide this then what else are they hiding? It’s a pretty big thing.

He absolutely meant to deceive you, who doesn’t mention their child at all to someone for 3 months? I talk about my kids, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself. I don’t rabbit on all day but he must’ve seen him in that time and must’ve had Christmas with him. I would be running for the hills. I can’t believe a person would do such a thing and I’d bin him for that. You wouldn’t want to reproduce with him if he can pretend your child doesn’t exist so he can get his leg over. Disgusting man

Yep...they can lie about having a child for months and its usually the same type who has a 'crazy ex' and 'thats why I didn't tell you babex. Acts a dick then goes look, see...she's insane. (Utter bs, usually)

Don’t you know? Your right to not date men with children is less important than his right to try and change your mind.

He’s lied to you and wasted your time as well as his own. He can get in the bin.

End it. He knew exactly what he was doing withholding that critics bit of info. How on earth could he not have mentioned his SON in 12 weeks. He was luring you in so that you would feel too far connected to ditch him.
Ditch him.

OP get rid of him. He's a liar. As you have said your desire to have children one day is above carrying on dating this guy.

He’s a liar, you did the right thing OP, be proud of yourself.

what do I do. I do like this guy but he’s lied to me over his child. But then I think what if I don’t meet anyone else I like. Help.

If he can lie about the fact of his child, (to a woman who has directly stated that she will only date childfree men!) he can lie about anything. Ditch him.

I am sorry about the asinine ruling about IVF. Other people's children should not be held against women who are struggling with fertility. Sorry that's not much help, but all sympathy to you,

He probably thinks it "doesn't count" if he doesn't have him full-time.

It's all very deliberately deceptive .... Not telling you for 3 months, it's highly likely he read your "rule" on your profile; but above all, the fact that he actually discussed children wit you in a general way and you both talked about whether you would like to have them (!!!!) Like etc. That is absolutely deliberate deception.

He's the kind of person who feels entitled to deceive someone to get what he wants/date who he wants.

And how disrespectful and shitty to his son to essentially deny his existence/lie by omission about his existence during that conversation.

He's clearly too dumb & selfish to even think for one second why a woman might genuinely not be able to get involved with a father - like having a condition that needs IVF and the fact you couldn't get any on the NHS with a father as your partner. And private IVF costs loads.

He just thought "oh it's some silly preference, I'll lie/lie by omission and then I'll let her know when she's attached & invested and she'll come around"..

It displays a very cavalier, sneaky, dishonest, self serving, disrespectful personality. No wonder he's divorced or separated from the mother of his son.

If you expect people never to lie ... just keep dreaming.

The real question is to decide at which point you had enough. You know or should know or will have to decide what are your priorities.

There is absolutely no plausible or acceptable reason why he didn't mention his son. If he genuinely had missed your no children rule, the coincidence of then not mentioning he has a child for so long is unbelievable, it should be part of his identity. If he purposefully didn't mention until you were more attached, he is manipulative, a liar, not to be trusted

She probably encountered similarly selfish, cavalier and dishonest behaviour.

As a parent I can't imagine dating someone for twelve weeks, twice a week dates and not mention the fact I ahve a child! He's purposefully gone out of his way to LIE over this for a long period of time, knowing from before he even met you that you don't wish to date people with kids. He's zero respect for you.

Stick to your guns about the no pre existing kids. It's a wise choice. Read the step parenting boards.

I'd be dumping him. If he can lie over something so huge for three months I bet he'd happily lie about anything. What a tool.

If you expect people never to lie ... just keep dreaming.

Lying about the existence of a child, your child, another human being- to axwumsn who has some ideas clearly she's not up for dating fathers- is a pretty big fucking lie.

Let's not minimise, eh.

*to a woman who has stated clearly she's not up for dating fathers

If he can lie over something so huge for three months I bet he'd happily lie about anything.

Yep

I've never lied to a date/partner. You might, plenty people don't feel the need to. Especially not about having a kid. Ridiculous comment.

I dated a man who lied early on about his age for 13 months

I let it go and out it down to insecurity, dismissed it as a white lie.

He turned out to be generally dishonest - on every subject - and abusive to boot.

And that's minor compared to this. But it goes to show their dishonesty and immaturity.

It doesn't make you in the least but selfish!
It means you are sensibly & practically choosing not to take on situations that would be detrimental to your mental health.

Nope just said he’s very sorry. Just noticed on his profile he says he doesn’t have kids on his profile too. Very very strange.
I bet, underneath all the Nice Dating Persona, which is all you have seen so far, he is one of those men who absolved himself of any responsibility for his child, & left it all up to his ex. I wonder if that's part of why they split. Having no pics & not allowing you to see his "office" (son's room) stinks of deceit, & an ability to detach himself from his own child. Yuck.

As does his pathetic reason for lying.
Yet another man who believes a woman's "NO" does not apply to him.
Entitled, child-shirking, liar.
You are well rid OP.

That's a whopper of an omission and reveals him to be a non-honest individual who presumably knew the relevance of your stance on this on your wishes to have a child of your own.

Also shows he can't be a great dad to his child if his day to day activities over the past 12 weeks haven't involved him. Or he's seen and spoken to him loads and each time not mentioned it to you. Which are decisions to lie and mislead you each and every time.

He's essentially a fraudster and a selfish one too as he deliberately put his desire to have a relationship with you over your ambitions to become a mother 😡