To ask if parenting really was easier in the past?

[germanbight]

My beloved grandma, who lived on a small farm and really ran it alone, always used to tut at toddlers/small children who were being naughty out and about and always told me that when she had her children it was all much simpler— especially in the baby phase.

Apparently routine kept all 4 children perfect from baby-hood. Baby fed every three hours until it slept through, all children off for an afternoon nap after dinner and bedtime a prompt 7:30 until they were 10. She always used to say that now parents adapt to fit the baby in their lives, but when she was having children they had to adapt to her life.

I just don’t see how it could’ve run on clockwork like that. Was it really that much easier? Just a case of endless CIO?

www.goodwood.com/grr/road/news/2020/4/1955-vs.-2020--how-uk-roads-have-changed-in-65-years/

how life was back in the 1950s compared to now

lockdown saw the level of car journeys as there was in the 1950s

going back further, it was accepted that some kids would die young anyway, that's why they had large families, so it was less bothersome if your child got ill because that was just the way of the world

If anyone is tempted to believe this nonsense, read the account of a child’s death here. I defy you not be be moved.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jun/04/coalition-attacks-nhs-return-britain-age-workhouse

going back further, it was accepted that some kids would die young anyway, that's why they had large families, so it was less bothersome if your child got ill because that was just the way of the world

That just isn't true. Knowing your child might not survive did stop you loving them just much. The evidence of how brokenhearted parents were is everywhere.

That did make me smile. I just think it is hurtful to think of people like my gran and their heartbreak just being dismissed by someone who hasn't got a clue. I remember my mother saying that when she was a child in the 1920s and money was very short my gran would have a slice of bread and butter while the children had their dinner. She would tell them she had eaten earlier but she hadn't, she had given the food she had to the children. No one can tell me she didn't love her children as much as any 21st century mother.

Wow really! I work with so many elderly people who say the had a lovely childhood, running around, more free play and how no one died, yet on mumsnet and someone is saying so many accidents yes likely happens now ! but a number of people die to accident, they may still happen now but no increase in number statistically.There are still accidents now but bubble wrapping which is very unhealthy which isn't allowing children to navigate the world as it should. I have never spoken to an elder generation who has said times are better now and i work with many and have for years. Big topic of conversation takes gone by and being chilsren.

Well said @ancientgran

This idea that today's parents are the only ones who care about their children really irritates me. My grandmother lost her first baby not long after his birth and was still sad about it right to the end of her life. Some posters on MN are far more callous in my opinion. People have always loved and cared for their children and wanted the best for them. Yes, there were neglectful/cruel parents in the past - and there are still plenty of those today.

Wow really! I work with so many elderly people who say the had a lovely childhood, running around, more free play and how no one died, yet on mumsnet and someone is saying so many accidents yes likely happens now ! but a number of people die to accident, they may still happen now but no increase in number statistically.There are still accidents now but bubble wrapping which is very unhealthy which isn't allowing children to navigate the world as it should. I have never spoken to an elder generation who has said times are better now and i work with many and have for years. Big topic of conversation takes gone by and being chilsren.

Another sensible post. I'm heading towards elderly myself and don't recall childen dying like flies in my childhood. In fact only two children died in my town in my youth - one from cancer and the other drowned, and children still drown here every year. My parents both had enjoyable childhoods - now in their 90s. I feel sorry for children these days, they don't have the carefree time I and my friends did.

going back further, it was accepted that some kids would die young anyway, that's why they had large families, so it was less bothersome if your child got ill because that was just the way of the world

It couldn't have been they had large families because birth control wasn't as available or effective as it is now could it? Honestly, I have never read such rubbish. Incidentally, my DF was one of three and my DM an only child!

Can't or won't?

It amounts to the same thing. Either way it’s hardly indicative of effective parenting.

Except a lot of parents were only in charge when and how it suited them.

And let's not pretend the free roaming was a parenting choice or even a conscious decision for the benefit of the children. It was socially acceptable ,the easy way out and it suited them/their lifestyle.

Speaking as someone whose own children are adults and who remembers that era very well, I think it was easier. Contrary to a previous poster, abuse and neglect were not rife in my WC neighbourhood-but children were allowed a lot more freedom. Indeed, it was expected they would entertain themselves-and we would play out all day doing hopscotch, French skipping, Elastics(who remembers that!) and on the local playground. Parents didn’t seem to helicopter around their kids, constantly anxious. We had firmer boundaries around what was expected of children.In most of the families I knew, there was always one parent at home-not great for career development but less stress with time management. In some ways things are easier-better,Labour saving appliances mean less time is spent on drudgery. There is more acceptance now of children who don’t fit in the majority mould-children who didn’t fit in in my youth had to carry a lot of shame around. There is more informality in parent child relationships which can improve relations as kids grow up. So good things and bad things really!

I am in my 70s, I definitely think it was easier physically for our generation. The main reason because most of us only needed one income. There was fairly reasonable rented accommodation as well as LA housing which was rent controlled.

We never had much money, labour saving devices or husbands who helped with childcare or housework. The majority of girls were not educated to a high standard or expected to earn a living after marriage. The ambition was limited to getting a husband and having children.

We were encouraged to get children into a 3 or 4 hour feeding regime from birth. Most of the day the babies were outside in the pram.

In my working class neighbourhood all the mums worked, although usually part time. Cleaners, dinner ladies, factory work - not careers but they needed the money.
But I agree about kids going out to play and not having to entertain them all the time.

Apparently my dad was a screamy baby (colic I guess) so Gran would just shut him in a drawer for a few hours 😬

We were encouraged to get children into a 3 or 4 hour feeding regime from birth. Most of the day the babies were outside in the pram.

do you think this was a better way of doing things? And how did this work with breast feeding opposed to bottle feeding.

thise babies I remember being feed every 4 hrs were bottle feed, not breast

I really liked reading that when Anne Boleyn was about to give birth, 3 maids were employed just to rock the cradle. Baby care has always been tough.

'Ealth & safety.

Cradle rocking is a killer for RSI

My grandparents generation were discouraged from breast feeding. Bottle feeding was put forward as the healthiest option for babies at the time

In the eighties if you were bottle feeding after birth you had to ask for milk for baby. If it was too soon after the last feed the midwife would tell you to soothe the baby it didn't need feeding. You were in for at least five days for first babies by the time you left the three to four hour feeds were pretty much established in the mother's mind at least.

I wouldn’t like to go four hours between drinks, you know.

Really? Between 4 hours for an adult is no big deal.

In SCBU in 2020 I was told not to give DD a bottle because "it's only been two hours and we don't want to encountered snacking". A bottle of my own expressed breast milk, by the way, while DD cried and showed hunger cues even a four year old would recognise.

Thankfully we went home later that day!

@CoalCraft Yes that was the feeling, baby shouldn't be encouraged to have top ups they should have the full feed at the prescribed times. Added to which babies were taken to the nursery when lights went out and were returned in the morning. You had to ask to be woken if you wished to do the night feeds and often they forgot or fed the baby anyway.

My third baby fed every four hours and slept in between feeds.
She slept through the night at 6 weeks.
She was breastfed.
I always left my babies to self-soothe.